If you need a laugh...

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If you need a laugh...

Postby Kerallyn on Mon Aug 06, 2007 2:21 pm

In case you need a laugh, remember: it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe
sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (marked with a “P”), and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers (marked with an “S”). (By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order. (I love this one)

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200ft per min descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (love this one too!!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like
a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar...
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Re: If you need a laugh...

Postby ashamalee on Tue Aug 07, 2007 1:27 am

Ahh, beautifully done, whether real or not :)
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Re: If you need a laugh...

Postby Tagliatelle on Fri Aug 10, 2007 11:05 pm

I needed that, thanks :-)
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Re: If you need a laugh...

Postby Spaz on Tue Aug 14, 2007 12:10 am

those were pretty awsome B)
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Re: If you need a laugh...

Postby Tibbiara on Tue Aug 14, 2007 10:58 pm

This is amusing after my airline fiasco last night (long story short: we took off after a nearly two-hour maintenance, only to find out that the engine was still being wacky about 45 minutes into the flight, at which point we had to turn around and fly back and ended up grounded for the night). I sure wish someone at AA had told that engine to straighten up and fly right!
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