KoL Item List from Clan Otori

Number	Name	Type	Area	Description
783	"Villa Document" (Retired)	Usable	Uncle P's Antiques (Retired)	This is a piece of paper covered with print so fine you can't actually read it. It has the word"Villa"in big letters at the top, though.
902	100 Watt Bulb	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is the bulb of a plant that grows in the 100-Watt Swamp (a Watt is equal to about 2.3 hectares, or 7.5 fathoms). It glows brightly in the presence of mystical energy. Put this inside your Jill-O-Lantern and she'll be brighter than a new penny.
542	1337 7r0uZ0RZ	Pants	The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is a p41r of 7r0uZ0RZ that totally 0wnZ0r j00. You're embarrassed at the grammar, but fortified by the 1337ness of 'em.
549	30669 Scroll		The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is a scroll with the number 30669 written on it. Bizarre.
553	31337 Scroll	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a scroll with the number 31337 written on it. W31rd, d00d.
550	33398 Scroll		Inventory - Combine	This is a scroll with the number 33398 written on it. Unusual.
547	334 Scroll		The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is a scroll with the number 334 written on it. Curious.
57	5-Alarm Saucepan	Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is a saucepan filled with the spiciest sauce imaginable. The merest whiff of the fumes from this pan is enough to bring even the most ferocious opponent to his or her (or its) knees.
551	64067 Scroll		Inventory - Combine	This is a scroll with the number 64067 written on it. Peculiar.
552	64735 Scroll	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a scroll with the number 64735 written on it. Queer. Wait, no. Don't hit me, man, I meant it like ?weird.?
548	668 Scroll	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a scroll with the number 668 written on it. Strange.
362	7-Foot Dwarven Mattock	Weapon	Itznotyerzitz Mine	This is a 7-Foot Dwarven Mattock. It's used to mine things. By the miners. In the mines. The Dwarves are 7 feet tall, not the Mattock.
682	A Little Sump'm Sump'm	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of gin, an olive, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
639	Abominable Snowcone	Food	The Large Donkey Mountain Ski Resort	This snowcone isn't very good at all. It's not round, not cold enough, and doesn't smell particularly appetizing.
534	Abridged Dictionary (Once Only)		The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a severely abridged dictionary. It appears to contain only the words beginning with the letter Arrrr.
430	Acid-Squirting Flower	Accessory	The "Fun" House	This is your run of the mill squirting flower, only filled with powerful acid. While you're wearing this, anybody who steps to you is sure to get a facefull of pain.
404	Acoustic Guitarrr	Usable	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a guitarrr. It used to belong to a pirate. He probably used it to play songs about the starrrs, and how farrr he was from his favorite barrr. Because, y'know, he had a pet barrr back on shore.
784	Acqua Del Piatto Merlot (Retired)	Booze	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a bottle of red, red wine, straight from the vineyards of Old Country. A lot of this stuff made its way into the Kingdom by way of Mob Penguin immigrants. It will make you feel so fine, but it will also keep you looking over your shoulder, all of the time.
795	Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet (Retired)	Booze	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a bottle of red, red wine, straight from the vineyards of Old Country. It's a rare and expensive vintage. Wine guides report that it has a light floral bouquet, and that it's assertive without being bold. Wine guides are also written by pretentious jerks.
64	Action Figure Body (Once Only)		The Toot Oriole	This is the body of a broken Mighty Bjorn action figure.
63	Action Figure Head (Once Only)		The Toot Oriole	This is the head from a broken Mighty Bjorn action figure
794	Alarming Strawberry Juice	Usable	Inventory - Cook	After drinking this potion, you'll be alarmed at how much your Muscle and Mysticality have become exactly equal to your Moxie. Because seriously, it'll be pretty alarming.
594	Amulet Of Extreme Plot Significance	Accessory	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This little trinket was probably really important to the plot of one story or another. Y'know, like it turned out to be the key to some generator room in which some final conflict takes place, or maybe it contains the spirit of a dead race of extremely wise and powerful magician people, or something. You could probably pawn this for quite a bit of Meat.
153	Ancient Saucehelm (Once Only - Class Based)	Hat	The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave	This is one of the Saucehelms of yore. Now it's yores.
617	Angry Farmer Candy	Usable	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This is a tiny brick of flavored sugar. If the Crown Prince of Sourville married the Duchess of Fruitonia, this would be their twisted love child.
829	Anti-Anti Antidote	Usable	The Demon Market	This is a cup of stuff that will un-un-unpoison you if you get un-unpoisoned.
142	Anticheese		The Distant Lands Dude Ranch Vacation	This isn't so much a wedge of cheese as a hole in space the same shape as a wedge of cheese. It doesn't weigh much.
487	Arrrgyle Socks	Accessory	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a pair of socks, with an arrrgyle pattern sewn into them. There's something about the pattern that seems to create Magicalness out of thin socks.
418	Arse-A'Fire Elixir	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a potent potion made from a very hot pepper. Drinking this'll make you feel like you've had a capsaicin busted in your ass.
929	Arse-Shooting Crossbow (Jick)	Ranged Weapon	Jick	This crossbow looks like it'd be perfect for shooting people in the arse. Y'know, like that one scene in Braveheart where that guy gets shot in the arse? Like that.
383	Asbestos Crossbow	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is an asbestos crossbow. It's Extraordinarily Moxious.
371	Asbestos Crossbow String		Inventory - Smith	This is a crossbow string coated with asbestos. No amount of friction wil ever ignite this baby.
390	Asbestos Helmet Turtle	Hat	Inventory - Smith	This is a turtle whose shell has been plated with asbestos and meat. It's wicked tough, and flame-retardant.
376	Asbestos Meat Stack		Inventory - Smith	This is a dense meat stack fortified with asbestos. The hottest barbecue in the world couldn't touch this stuff.
364	Asbestos Ore		Itznotyerzitz Mine (In Disguise)	This is a big chunk of asbestos ore, fresh from the living rock.
382	Asbestos Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is an asbestos staff. It radiates asbestosy magic.
370	Asbestos Stick		Inventory - Smith	This is a big stick coated in asbestos. It's considerably more flame-retardant than a normal wooden stick, which is to say more than not at all.
381	Asbestos Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is an asbestos sword. It's sharp enough to cut the wind, and it's flame-retardant enough to cut fire. It could probably also cut earth and water, but for different reasons.
369	Asbestos Sword Hilt		Inventory - Smith	This is a sword hilt coated in asbestos. It's even more resistant to fire than a normal sword hilt.
692	Ascension Souvenir T-Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
19	Asparagus Knife	Weapon	The Haunted Pantry	This is a knife you got from a can of asparagus. It's sharp, and will make the pee of anything you stab with it smell funny.
806	Asparagus Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a delicious stir-fry of delicious seasoned asparagus. You'd estimate that this stir-fry is more delicious than the pre-stir-fry asparagus by a pretty wide margin. Just don't pee for a few hours. Er, days.
638	Asshat	Hat	Inventory - Combine	This is a hat made from two cheeks. Once you get used to the smell, it's pretty stylish.
622	Awful Poetry Journal	Usable	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	No one understands my pain. I stand alone out in the rain. My soul is bobbing in the waters. Of Princess Miasma and her dark daughters. This journal is full of the worst poetry you've ever read. The words ?rain?, ?soul?, and ?miasma? figure prominently in every poem.
828	Baby Killer Bee	Familiar	The Dungeons Of Doom	This is not, as you're probably afraid of, a bee that kills babies. It's a baby bee, that will eventually grow up to kill babies. Crucial difference.
705	Baconstone	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
717	Baconstone Bracelet	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
715	Baconstone Earring	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
716	Baconstone Pendant	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
718	Baconstone Ring	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
677	Badass Belt	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This is a belt made up of the trophies of some of your most badass conquests. Feel the power!
434	Balloon Helmet	Hat	Inventory - Combine	This is a helmet made of balloons that have been twisted together. It provides better head protection than you might expect.
436	Balloon Monkey	Familiar	Inventory - Combine	This is a monkey made of balloons. It looks restless. And it doesn't like the sound of those drums.
435	Balloon Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is a sword made out of balloons. Its turn-ons include helium and bopping enemies on the head. Its turn-offs include just about anything pointy.
52	Banjo Strings		The Hermitage	These are strings from a banjo. One of them is quite a bit shorter than the others, but they all possess similar levels of twang.
70	Bar Skin		The Spooky Forest	This is the pelt from a big bar.
145	Barbed-Wire Fence	Combat/Usable Item	The Large Donkey Mountain Ski Resort	This is a barbed wire fence from Distant Lands. This'd probably be pretty useful in defending your campsite.
412	Barrrnacle	Familiar	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a barrrnacle. It's, y'know, a Crustacean. Which means that it's from Crustacea. I've heard Crustacea is a nice place to visit, but not during the Spring.
72	Barskin Hat	Hat	The Spooky Forest	This is a cap made from the hide and tail of a bar. It's as stylish as it is warm.
73	Barskin Tent	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a tent made from the skin of a bar. It's pretty tough, and the fur makes it pretty comfortable, too. An outdoorsman is you!
439	Bartender Skull		Inventory - Combine	This is a skull which is also a bartender. It's not, strictly speaking, the skull of a bartender, which is what the name might lead you to believe. The name is very sorry about any confusion this may have caused.
440	Bartender-In-The-Box	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a bartender skull in a jack-in-the-box. It'd look nice in your campsite, and it would probably help you with your cocktailcrafting.
442	Bartender-Skull-In-The-Box		Inventory - Combine	This is a bartender skull in a jack-in-the-box. He appears to be ready to start making cocktails, but he lacks the necessary equipment.
181	Baseball	Combat/Usable Item	The Guano Junction	This is a baseball, which used to be part of a baseball bat. This baseball a been a bery bery good to you. Some kid would probably like this.
111	Basic Meat Crossbow	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a run-of-the-mill crossbow made of meat.
770	Basic Meat Fez	Hat	Inventory - Smith	This is a fez made of meat. It's got a nice tassel on it, and it smells vaguely of blood oranges.
774	Basic Meat Foon	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a foon made of Meat. Its glistening tines inspire you to great violence.
95	Basic Meat Helmet	Hat	Inventory - Smith	This is an ordinary helmet made of meat. As if such a thing could be described as ordinary.
94	Basic Meat Pants	Pants	Inventory - Smith	This is a fairly straightforward pair of pants, made out of meat.
773	Basic Meat Spork	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a spork made mostly of meat. You wouldn't have thought a spork could get any more difficult to eat with.
110	Basic Meat Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a regular old meat staff.
93	Basic Meat Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is your basic meat sword.
188	Bat Guano	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is some guano from a bat. They say in some cultures, they make pottery out of this stuff. That sounds pretty nasty to me.
320	Bat Haggis	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a haggis made out of some batgut. It looks tastier than some of the other haggis (haggises?) you've seen, but that's not saying much.
183	Bat Wing		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a wing from a bat. It seems surprisingly meaty.
814	Bat Wing Chow Mein	Food	Inventory - Cook	Your mama always told you that bat wings were good for you, right? ?Eat all your bat wings or I'll lock you in the closet, she'd say.? Wait, no, that was my mom. Never mind.
201	Bat Wing Kabob	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a kabob made out of a skewered bat wing. It looks pretty tasty.
809	Bat Wing Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a stir-fry of bat wings and vegetables. One of the bat claws looks like it's clutching a slice of mushroom -- how cute!
494	Batblade	Weapon	The Palindome	This is a dewinged stab-bat. Have you heard my new band, the Dewinged Stab-Bats? Anyway, it's wicked sharp.
182	Batgut		Multiple, Format Coming	This is the gut from a bat. That's why they call it a batgut. If it were the gut from something else, they'd call it a somethingelsegut.
192	Batskin Belt (Once Only)		The Council Of Loathing	This is the belt given to you by the council after slaying the Boss Bat. It doesn't even have a buckle. What a bunch of cheapskates.
314	Bean Burrito	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a delicious burrito made with beans. It's a little bland, but still good.
429	Beanbag Chair	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a beanbag chair. It looks pretty comfortable, in a creepy 70s sort of way.
311	Beans		The Cobb's Knob Treasury	This is a bag full of dried beans.
444	Beer Goggles	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This is a pair of goggles made from two beer lenses.
443	Beer Lens		The Typical Tavern	This is a lens that has been ground out of the bottom of a beer bottle. It distorts things like a wah-wah pedal. Well, not exactly like a wah-wah pedal.
842	Beertini	Booze	Blown Up Bartender	This appears to be a cocktail made of gin and beer. Sort of like a boilermaker, except instead of making you boiler, it just makes you nauseous.
1131	Beet		Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	This is a phat beet. You might even go so far as to call it a mad beet. It has been called the most intense of vegetables, so you might even say that in an intensity contest, a beet cannot be beaten. Or beeten.
517	Bejeweled Accordion Strap	Accessory	The Shadowy Store	This is an accordion strap with inlaid silver and semi-precious gems. Wantssss it, sort of. Kind of wantssss the semi-precioussss.
337	Big Ol' Trophy (Jick)		Jick	This is a big shiny trophy. How proud you must be to have won this!
449	Big Red Clown Nose	Accessory	The "Fun" House	This is a big red clown nose. Not detachable, and rubber, like you'd think. No, I'd say it's more aptly described as severed and veiny.
30	Big Rock		The Thatch-Roofed Casino	This is a big rock.
108	Big Stick	Weapon	The Meatsmith	This is a big stick. With a little work, it could probably be made into a staff.
235	Bigger Bugfinder Blade (Jick)	Weapon	Jick	This is an even more powerful and mysterious sword. Its power is exceeded only by its mystery, even more so. It is bestowed upon the Champion Bugfinders of the land.
193	Birthday Candle (Unimplemented)	Usable	Unimplemented	This is a birthday candle, which will provide a very small amount of light for a very short amount of time.
134	Bitchin' Meat Car		Inventory - Combine	This is one bitchin' meat car, man. This thing'll be great for going down to the shore. You could even run over some old lady, one night at the county fair, and probably not even get arrested (because your dad's the Mayor.)
32	Bjorn's Hammer	Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is a hammer modeled after the weapon of Bjorn, the most legendary of Seal Clubbers.Seals flee in terror before the wielder of this fearsome weapon.
1070	Black Paisley Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a black paisley pattern. It looks like a newspaper photo of a hippy egg. Y'know, from some sort of alternate reality where hippies come from eggs. And are newsworthy.
460	Black Pixel		The 8-Bit Realm	This strange object appears to be a black dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Odd.
1071	Black Plastic Oyster Egg	Combat Item	Oyster Day	This is a black plastic imitation oyster egg. It's like a tiny black hole, only egg-shaped instead of hole-shaped. And with far, far less gravity.
1069	Black Polka-Dot Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with black polka dots. It looks like it got punched in a whole bunch of eyes yesterday.
1068	Black Striped Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with black stripes. Some Vietnam veteran must've seen an egg painted with red stripes, and taken what he felt was the appropriate action.
96	Bling-Bling	Accessory	The Haiku Dungeon	Yo, this bling-bling be phat. In the hizzouse.
687	Blood Of The Wereseal	Usable	The Smacketeria	This is a potion made from the blood of a wereseal. It positively bubbles with lyncanthropy.
528	Blood-Faced Volleyball	Familiar	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a volleyball with a bloody face on it. It's cute.
252	Bloody Beer	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a half beer, half tomato juice concoction.
432	Bloody Clown Pants	Pants	The "Fun" House	This is a pair of bloody clown pants. Believe me -- you don't want to know how the blood got there.
249	Bloody Mary	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a delicious Bloody Mary. It's not quite as spicy as it could be, but it's still part of a complete breakfast.
1054	Blue Paisley Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a blue paisley pattern. Don't put it down on a hippy's couch, or you may never find it again.
463	Blue Pixel		The 8-Bit Realm	This strange object appears to be a blue dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Bizarre.
465	Blue Pixel Potion	Combat/Usable Item	The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	This is a blue potion made of Pixels. You have a feeling this would restore a lot of MP if you drank it.
1055	Blue Plastic Oyster Egg	Combat Item	Oyster Day	This is a blue plastic imitation oyster egg. Wondering what's inside? Probably something blue...
1053	Blue Polka-Dot Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with blue polka dots. You never thought anybody would successfully combine polka and the blues, but this egg proves you wrong, in a wordplay kind of way.
1052	Blue Striped Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with blue stripes. If they were streaks instead of stripes, this thing would probably be a lot faster.
853	Blundarrrbus	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	For those of you without dictionaries, this is the 18th-century equivalent of a shotgun. Yup, back in the age of pirates, many a blundarrbus wedding took place, and you had to call ?blundarrbus!? to secure a place next to the driver of a vehicle.
1024	Bodyslam	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	Some madman has made a fancy martini out of tequila. Are you mad enough to drink it, man?
168	Bone Rattle		Inventory - Combine	This is a skull attached to a bone, with some pebbles in it to make it rattle. This would probably appeal to a very large, very morbid baby.
579	Boring Spaghetti	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a bowl of noodles with tomato sauce. Nutritious, but dull.
282	Boris's Key		The Daily Dungeon	This is the key to the Shrine of Boris, in the Big Mountains.
510	Boris's Key Lime		Inventory - Cook	This is a lime, with Boris's Key cooked into it.
513	Boris's Key Lime Pie	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a key lime pie with the essence of Boris baked into it. It oozes with flavor and Muscularity.
287	Boris's Ring	Accessory	The Daily Dungeon	This is one of the rings worn by Boris, the legendary warrior of the Times of Old. Some of his spirit lives on within it.
191	Boss Bat Bandana (Once Only)		The Hole In The Sky	This is the bandana formerly worn by the Boss Bat.
237	Bottle Of Gin	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a tiny airline-sized bottle of gin. The Orcish Frat Boys must've gotten this from some other dimension.
787	Bottle Of Rum	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a bottle of rum, probably acquired from the pirates of The Obligatory Pirate's Cove. Yo ho ho and this!
1004	Bottle Of Tequila	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is an airline-sized bottle of tequila. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
238	Bottle Of Vodka	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a tiny airline-sized bottle of vodka. The Orcish Frat Boys must've gotten this from some other dimension.
328	Bottle Of Whiskey	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is an airline-sized bottle of whiskey. Mmmm. Whiskey.
940	Bow (Reitred)		Crimbo 2004	This is a pretty red bow. This bow is pretty red. You've read pretty much everything there is to read about this bow.
943	Bow Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a staff with a big red bow on it. The bow would probably add some nice slicing damage to the smashing damage the big stick already does.
49	Bowl Of Cottage Cheese	Food	The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	This is a bowl of cottage cheese. If you like cottage cheese, it looks pretty good. If you don't, it doesn't.
105	Bowl Of Lucky Charms	Food	The Spooky Forest	This is a bowl of Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious, and deliciously magical.
944	Bowlegged Pants	Pants	Inventory - Smith	These pants are joined at the top by a huge bow. Making them bowlegged. Get it?
942	Bowler	Hat	Inventory - Smith	This is a hat made out of Meat and a bow. Somehow it looks like an ordinary bowler.
427	Box	Accessory	Multiple, Format Coming	This is the box from a something-in-the-box. It's got a lid, and a crank.
480	Box Of Birthday Candles (Once Only)		The Dark Heart Of The Woods	This is a box of birthday candles. They're perfect for adorning a child's cake, or performing demonic rituals.
445	Box-In-The-Box	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This is a box, on a spring, in a box. You could keep a lot of stuff in here.
447	Box-In-The-Box-In-The-Box	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This is a box on a spring, in a box on a spring, in a box (not on a spring.) Isn't it weird how 'box' doesn't even look like a word anymore?
1005	Boxed Wine	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a plastic bladder full of wine in a cube-shaped cardboard box. You are already too educated stupid to understand the truth of nature's harmonic simultaneous 4-liter wine cube.
177	Brainy Skull	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a smart skull with a brain in it.
864	Brass Stinger	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a tiny brass stinger, designed to fit over the actual stinger of a killer bee. With a heavy stinger comes great stinging power, and with great stinging power comes great stinging responsibility.
535	Bridge (Once Only)		The Untinker	This is a bridge. You could use it for crossing things, or to keep trolls under.
184	Briefcase	Usable	The Bat Hole Entryway	This is a briefcase. I wonder what's inside...
570	Brimstone Chicken Sandwich	Food	Campground	This is an extremely spicy chicken sandwich. The screams of the damned emanate from within it. Soon they'll emanate from within you.
761	Brine		The Spectral Pickle Factory	This is a patch of brine. It's like salt, only... er... it's like salt.
765	Briny Vinegar		Inventory - Cook	This is a solution of brine in vinegar. Which is not to say that brine in vinegar is a problem.
923	Broken Cellular Phone (Retired)		The Icy Peak	This is a cell phone that appears to have been broken in half during a fierce melee. Or maybe somebody was talking really loudly on it in the middle of a restaurant, and somebody sitting nearby just snapped and went house on the phone.
741	Broken Skull		The Guano Junction	This is a broken skull, with some itty bitty bits of skull rattling around inside of it. There's no indication of whether the bits are from this skull, or from a different skull entirely.
821	Bubbly Potion	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
1028	Buckler Buckle		Inventory - Smith	This is a buckle with straps on it. This thing could be used by a properly trained Turtle Tamer to make a variety of bucklers. The bucklers will then allow various bucklees to be buckled.
169	Bugbear Beanie	Hat	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a beanie made from the skin of a bugbear. Sadly, it lacks a propellor.
79	Bugbear Bungguard	Pants	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a pair of pants formerly owned by a bugbear. The pants fit you perfectly. Is there something you'd like to tell us?
892	Bugbear-Smiting Sword (Jick)	Weapon	Jick	This is a sword with a curved blade and a squishy handle. It was forged in dark magic for a mighty warrior - the legendary Bugbear Smiter! Bugbears everywhere fear it. And you can squeeze the grip to relieve stress, to prevent you from spazzing and worrying about stuff.
116	Bugfinder Blade (Jick)	Weapon	Jick	This is a very powerful and mysterious sword. Its power is exceeded only by its mystery. It is bestowed upon the Champion Bugfinders of the land.
566	Bum Cheek	Hat	The Sleazy Back Alley	This is the severed cheek of a bum that rushed you. It's a sizable-enough cheek that it could be worn as a hat.
1018	Calle De Miel	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a margarita which has been reduced in temperature to near absolute zero. Somehow this process made it taste like honey. And asphalt.
744	Can Of Hair Spray	Combat/Usable Item	The Demon Market	This is a regular old can of hair spray.
291	Can Of Maces	Ranged Weapon	The Daily Dungeon	This is a spray can filled with tiny maces. Ouch!
226	Can Of Red Minotaur	Beverage	Unimplemented	This is a can of Red Minotaur energy drink.
913	Candied Kobold	Usable	Halloween	This is a portion of candied kobold meat. It smells like it came from a tin.
915	Candied Yam Pinky Ring	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a tiny ring fashioned from dried and pressed candied yams. Actually, it's probably small enough that it only took one yam to make it.
933	Candy Cane (Retired)	Food	Crimbo 2004	This is a candy cane. It's like a regular cane, only smaller, and if you tried to use it to help you walk, your hands would get all sticky.
216	Carob Brownies	Food	Inventory - Cook	These are some brownies with chunks of carob in them. Nasty, with a capital N.
204	Carob Chunk Cookies	Food	Inventory - Cook	These are cookies made with some chunks of carob. They're edible, but just barely.
956	Carob Chunk Noodles	Food	Blown Up Chef	This is a tasty dish of spaghetti, with god-awful carob chunks littering it like land mines in open water. Even the filthiest hippy wouldn't touch this stuff.
202	Carob Chunks	Food	The Hippy Camp	These are some chunks of carob. Some people use these instead of chocolate. You've never understood those people.
40	Casino Pass		The Demon Market	This is a pass, with which one can gain entrance to the Thatch-Roofed Casino.It's also good for one free drink.
474	Cast	Combat/Usable Item	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a cast of thousands. Thousands of tortured souls, that is. This thing has probably been cast into the Lake of Fire once or twice.
496	Cat Appendix		The Palindome	This is a section at the end of a book in which all of the cats mentioned in the book are described in greater detail. Oh, wait, no it's not. It's just a cat's appendix.
495	Catgut		The Palindome	This is, er, the intestine of a cat. That's pretty much all.
107	Catsup	Food	The Hermitage	This is a bottle of catsup. It's different from ketchup.
796	Cement Shoes (Retired)	Accessory	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a pair of cement shoes, like those worn by the ?associates? of the Penguin Mafia. They're stylish, they have good arch support, and they're enchanted to improve the wearer's sleep!
133	Certificate Of Participation (Once Only)	Usable	The Toot Oriole	This Certificate proclaims that you are a legitimate participant in the adventuring community of The Kingdom of Loathing.Hang it proudly in your campsite!
615	Chaos Butterfly	Combat/Usable Item	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This butterfly, by flapping its wings, can influence events very far away. How? I dunno. You should probably ask Jeff Goldblum.
411	Charrrm		The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a tiny metal charrrm, shaped like a skull and crossbones. A ?Jolly Roger,? if you will. If you won't, then it's shaped like a skull and crossbones.
413	Charrrm Bracelet	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This bracelet makes you pretty charrrming. That's due to the charrrm on it.
1045	Cheap Plastic Bottle Opener	Weapon	St. Sneaky Pete's Day	This device is perfect for opening cheap plastic bottles. The sharp bit on the end also makes it marginally useful as a weapon.
637	Cheap Toaster (Once Only)	Usable	The Shore Inc.	This is a cheap toaster. You put bread in it, push down the lever, and in a couple of minute, toast comes out! Nobody knows where the bread goes.
437	Chef Skull		Inventory - Combine	This is a brainy skull that knows how to cook. This might come in handy, if you had something to put it in...
293	Chef's Hat	Hat	The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	This is a chef's hat. It's white and puffy.
438	Chef-In-The-Box	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a chef's skull in a jack-in-the-box. It'd look pretty nice at your campsite, and it could probably help you out with your cooking.
441	Chef-Skull-In-The-Box		Inventory - Combine	This is a chef skull in a jack-in-the-box. He appears to be ready to start cooking, but he lacks the necessary equipment.
1006	Cherry	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a cherry. The last time you saw something like this, it was floating through some kind of weird blue maze filled with dots.
950	Cherry Bomb	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This tall whiskey drink has many, many cherries. Cool drink of whiskey, such a sweet surprise.
898	Cheshire Bitten	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This is a baby Cheshire Bat. No arguments - if a baby cat is a kitten, a baby bat is a bitten. Anyway, Cheshire Bats are known for their mysterious smile and their even more mysterious habit of disappearing and re-appearing with large amounts of meat.
678	Chest Of The Bonerdagon (Once Only)	Usable	The Haert Of The Cyrpt	This is the Chest of the Bonerdagon, which is made up of the Ribs of the Bonerdagon and the Sternum of the Bonerdagon, and probably contains the Goodies of the Bonerdagon.
23	Chewing Gum On A String		The Demon Market	This is a wad of chewing gum on the end of a long string. It'd be perfect for fishing things out of a sewer.
572	Childrens' Meal Of The Damned (Unimplemented)	Food	Unimplemented	This is not here yet.
861	Chocolate Spurs	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	These are razor-sharp hunks of chocolate that fit over the Cocoabo's talons. Well, they're at least as sharp as a razor made out of chocolate. These should help your cocoabo do that voodoo that he do so well even better. What they can't do is improve the grammar of the previous sentence.
957	Chorizo Brownies	Food	Blown Up Chef	These are chocolate brownies with large lumps of spicy pork in them. Just like grandma used to make. Grandma hated you.
179	Chorizo Taco	Food	Inventory - Cook	Mmm. A delicious chorizo taco. It's spicy and nutritious.
386	Chrome Crossbow	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a chrome crossbow. It's so shiny that it alters the very fabric of space and time. It alters them so much that you'll get three extra adventures per day when you've got it equipped.
374	Chrome Crossbow String		Inventory - Smith	This is a crossbow string coated in shiny chrome. It's as shiny and as flexible as some aluminum foil. Make that slightly shinier and slightly less flexible.
392	Chrome Helmet Turtle	Hat	Inventory - Smith	This is a turtle whose shell has been plated with chrome and meat. It's hella tough, and hella shiny.
377	Chrome Meat Stack		Inventory - Smith	This is a dense meat stack coated with shiny chrome. It's the shiniest and most valuable thing you can imagine. Except for a slightly bigger chrome meat stack.
365	Chrome Ore		Itznotyerzitz Mine (In Disguise)	This is a big, shiny chunk of chrome ore, fresh from the living rock.
385	Chrome Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a chrome staff. It's so shiny that it alters the very fabric of space and time. It alters them so much that you'll get three extra adventures per day when you've got it equipped.
373	Chrome Stick		Inventory - Smith	This is a big stick coated in shiny chrome. You've seen some shiny sticks in your day, but this takes the cake. The, uh, cake which is awarded to the shiniest stick.
384	Chrome Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a chrome sword. It's so shiny that it alters the very fabric of space and time. It alters it so much that you'll get three extra adventures per day when you've got it equipped.
372	Chrome Sword Hilt		Inventory - Smith	This is a sword hilt coated in shiny chrome. This would make a sword of particular interest to both warriors and raccoons.
823	Cloudy Potion	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
431	Clown Shoes	Accessory	The "Fun" House	This is a pair of big red clown shoes. Do you belive in magic? These shoes certainly do.
339	Cobb's Knob Lab Key (Once Only)		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a key to the laboratories deep within Cobb's Knob.
236	Cocktailcrafting Kit	Crafting Item	The Demon Market	This is a kit which contains everything you need to concoct delicious cocktails.
591	Cocoa Egg	Familiar	Inventory - Cook	This is an egg made of chocolate, from whence will hatch who knows what manner of chocolatey madness.
589	Cocoa Eggshell Fragment	Food	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a small fragment of what appears to have been a chocolate egg.
702	Coconut Bikini Top	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1007	Coconut Shell	Hat	The Distant Lands Dude Ranch Vacation	This is a coconut shell with a big hole in it. If you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the sound of coconut milk sloshing around.
897	Coffee Sprite	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This little guy is a baby Coffee Pixie. Coffee pixies are magical creatures who are addicted to caffeine - some thaumobiologists claim it runs in their veins instead of blood. They're a little jumpy, and you wouldn't want to be between them and a Starbucks, but they're fast as heck and twice as useful. As, er, heck.
120	Cog		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a cog. Despite all of its asprirations, it will remain a cog.
122	Cog and Sprocket Assembly		Inventory - Combine	This assembly is made out of a cog and a sprocket assembly (which is made out of a sprocket and a spring.)
908	Cold Hots Candy	Usable	Halloween	Think about how cold they are. Now think about how hot they are. Secret ninja candy-making techniques cause these to change temperature in your mouth, rather than flavor. Even the ninjas don't know why they thought that was a good idea.
348	Cold Ninja Mask	Hat	The Lair Of The Ninja Snowmen	This is the mask of a Ninja Snowman. It's very cold. Brrrrrrr.
272	Concentrated Magicalness Pill	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a pill which contains a tremendous amount of concentrated Magicalness.
336	Consolation Ribbon (Jick)	Accessory	Jick	This is a crappy white consolation ribbon. Oh well. At least you won something.
458	Continuum Transfunctioner	Accessory	The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	This is, as the Crackpot Mystic told you, an artifact of great power and great mystery. Its power is exceeded only by its mystery, and strangely, its mystery is exceeded only by its power.
751	Cool Mushroom	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
752	Cool Mushroom Caserole	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
634	Cool Whip	Weapon	The Demon Market	This is a totally rad bullwhip made of awesome leather.
834	Cornuthaum	Hat	The Dungeons Of Doom	This is a conical hat. If it had the word"dunce"written on it, you might call it a dunce cap. Actually, you might call it that even though it doesn't, because you don't seem to care much whether you call things by their right names or not.
424	Cosmic Lemonade	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a glass of lemonade. The ?lemon? part comes from a lemon, and the ?ade? part comes from outer space. This would probably make you feel pretty magical for a while if you drank it.
143	Cottage	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a cozy little cottage. You could probably put this up at your campsite.
672	Cranberries	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a bunch of cranberries. Do you have to let them linger?
875	Crazy Bastard Sword	Weapon	The Sleazy Back Alley	This is the sword formerly wielded by a crazy bastard. He wanted to hit you with it, but instead, you hit him with something and took it. Go, you!
754	Cream Of Pointy Mushroom Soup	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
924	Crimbo Elfling (Retired)	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This is a baby Crimbo Elf, one of the ill-tempered midgets used as slave labor by Father Crimbo. You can tell it's a boy elfling because it doesn't have wings.
649	Crimbo Hat	Hat	Inventory - Smith	This is a stylish hat made out of wrapping paper. The foil in the wrapping paper also protects you from spooky cosmic rays.
650	Crimbo Pants	Pants	Inventory - Smith	These are pants made out of recycled wrapping paper. Stylish, but somewhat uncomfortable.
644	Crimbo Pressie (Reitred)	Usable	Crimbo 2003	This is a present, given to you for Crimbo.
941	Crimbo Stocking (Retired)	Usable	Crimbo 2004	This is a stocking that is probably full of goodies. Normally you'd have hung this by the chimney with care on the night before Crimbo, but you don't have a chimney. That being the case, you just carelessly left it at the bottom of a pile of dirty laundry. Luckily, Father Crimbo found it and filled it up for you.
648	Crimbo Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a sword made of wrapping paper. It's capable of producing both festive good cheer and nasty, nasty papercuts.
109	Crossbow String		The Meatsmith	This is a string which could be used to turn something into a crossbow. Funny how that works.
414	Crowbarrr	Weapon	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a crowbarrr from The Obligatory Pirate's Cove. The pirates probably used it to pry open chests to get to the booty inside. Or the chestnuts. Because sometimes the chests contained chestnuts. The pirates were usually pretty disappointed when this was the case. To avoid such disappointment, you should only use this crowbarrr to smite your enemies. Or to crack open your chestnuts.
313	Crown Of The Goblin King (Once Only)	Hat	The Cobb's Knob King's Chamber	This is the crown which was worn by the now-deposed King of Cobb's Knob. This is much better than that crappy Dolphin crown.
83	Crusty L-Shaped Piece Of Metal		The Haiku Dungeon	This is a crusty piece of metal shaped like an L. The crust on it is also shaped like an L.
1201	Cryptic Puzzle Box			Legend has it that if you figure out how to open this box, a bunch of sharp hooks on chains will pop out of it and drag you down to Hey Deze. Which doesn't explain why once anyone hears that, they just have to try and open the box. Thankfully, this is just a replica of the original. Much easier to open, and without all that pesky flaying.
899	Custom Avatar Form		The Mr. Store	This is a form that can be used to order a custom avatar for your character -- a picture that will replace your normal picture in your character pane and the page other people see when they view your profile.
894	Dark Jill-O-Lantern (Retired)	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This poor pumpkin has been a victim of horrific violence. All its insides are gone and there's a crude, but distinctly feminine face carved into the front of it.
826	Dark Potion	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
230	Dead Guy's Watch	Accessory	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a dead guy's watch. Wearing this will probably help you get places on time.
211	Decorative Fountain	Usable	The Hippy Camp	This is a tiny water fountain with some stalks of bamboo growing in it.
602	Degrassi Knoll Shopping List (Once Only)	Usable	Degrassi Knoll	This is a shopping list you found at Degrassi Knoll.
573	Delicious Noodles	Food	Inventory - Cook	These herb-infused noodles look delicious and nutritious.
574	Delicious Spicy Noodles	Food	Inventory - Cook	These noodles, cooked with both herbs and spices, are both delicious and spicy. The herbs make them delicious, and the spices make them spicy. The reason for this is that ?herby? isn't a word.
295	Demonskin Trousers (Retired)	Pants	The Daily Dungeon	This is a pair of pants made of demonskin. It's red, and warm to the touch, even when not being worn.
499	Denim Axe	Weapon	The Palindome	This is a denim axe. It can cut through anything, except for jeans.
258	Dense Meat Stack		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a very dense stack of meat.
925	Dental Pliers	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	Did you know the secret ambition of all Crimbo Elves is to be dentists? Strange but true. Now your Crimbo Elf can extract loot and beat on your enemies with much more gusto. With these pliers.
178	Detective Skull	Hat	Inventory - Combine	This is a talking skull. It's pretty smart, and it uses its powers of deduction to solve mysteries. Talking to it will probably provide all sorts of useful information.
472	Diamond-Studded Cane	Weapon	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a bejeweled cane. Bitch betta' have yo Meat.
536	Dictionary (Once Only)	Combat Item	The Untinker	This is a regular old dictionary. It contains a lot of words, their definitions, and their proper pronunciations.
691	Digital Key		The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	This is a 21st Century digital key. It doesn't know how to live, but it probably knows how to open a door... somewhere...
759	Dill		The Spectral Pickle Factory	This is a handful of dried-up dill weed. Don't let it hear you say that, though -- nobody likes being called a dried-up dill weed.
767	Dill Potion	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a potent potion (potable) made with delicious dill (delectable.)
146	Dinghy Plans (Once Only)	Usable	The Shore Inc.	This is a set of blueprints that tell you how to make a dinghy. Now if you just had some planks...
141	Dingy Dinghy (Once Only)		Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a dinghy, which is made of dingy planks. It's not pretty, but it's seaworthy.
140	Dingy Planks		The Hermitage	This is a stack of planks of dingy wood. The dinge would probably make them watertight.
565	Dirty Hobo Gloves	Weapon	The Sleazy Back Alley	This is a pair of filthy hobo gloves. Their pungent stench makes them useful as a weapon.
948	Dirty Martini	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a martini with extra olive goodness. Which is to say that it is a martini that focuses on the very best part of an ordinary martini.
196	Disassembled Clover	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a ten-leaf clover from which the leaves have been pulled. It doesn't seem nearly as lucky this way.
154	Disco 'Fro Pick (Once Only - Class Based)	Weapon	The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave	This is a pick for the maintenance and adornment of your 'fro. It is imbued with the Moxie of countless generations of Disco Bandits.
10	Disco Ball	Usable	The Sewer	This is a disco ball, which can be used to liven up a disco party.
54	Disco Banjo	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is the Disco Banjo, legendary weapon of the Disco Bandits. Lay down the boogie, and play that funky music 'til your enemies grovel before you.
9	Disco Mask	Hat	The Sewer	This mask allows you to disco dance like a pro. And by pro, I mean pro-fessional disco dancer.
452	Disease	Combat Item	The "Fun" House	This is a handful of germs. This would probably give a monster a pretty nasty disease.
176	Disembodied Brain	Usable	Fernswarthy's Tower	This is a brain in a jar. It appears to be pretty well-preserved.
632	Disturbing Fanfic	Usable	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This is a hundred pages of animals from a popular cartoon doing horrible and disgusting things to each other.
232	Doc Galaktik's Ailment Ointment	Combat/Usable Item	The Doc Galaktik's Medicine Show	This is a can of Doc Galaktik's Ailment Ointment -- guaranteed to cure all of life's ills.This item will heal a moderate number of hit points.
234	Doc Galaktik's Homeopathic Elixir	Combat/Usable Item	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a bottle of Doc Galaktik's Homeopathic Elixir -- guaranteed to cure all of life's ills.This item will heal a goodly number of hit points.
231	Doc Galaktik's Pungent Unguent	Combat/Usable Item	The Doc Galaktik's Medicine Show	This is a jar of Doc Galaktik's Pungent Unguent -- guaranteed to cure all of life's ills.This item will heal a small number of hit points.
233	Doc Galaktik's Restorative Balm	Combat/Usable Item	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a tin of Doc Galaktik's Restorative Balm -- guaranteed to cure all of life's ills.This item will heal a moderate number of hit points.
479	Dodecagram (Once Only)		The Dark Neck Of The Woods	This is a twelve-pointed star in a circle. Or you could choose to interpret it as 2 6-pointed stars. Or 4 3-pointed stars (which I guess would technically just be triangles.)
137	Dope Wheels		Inventory - Combine	Check out these wheels, homes. Nice tires, nice rims -- the ladies are really gonna dig these.
568	Double Bacon Beelzeburger	Food	Campground	This is at least the second most evil hamburger you've ever seen. Maybe even the single most evil. Looks pretty tasty, though.
601	Dr Hobo's Map (Once Only)	Usable	The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	This is the map given to you by the ghost of Dr. Hobo Jones. You remember him saying something about a scalpel.
600	Dr Hobo's Scalpel (Once Only)	Weapon	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is the scalpel once wielded by Dr. Hobo Jones.
422	Drab Potion	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This potion contains a drug which makes things so boring that your mind shuts down for a while. In the meantime, all of your mental energy is converted to physical energy. In other words, your Strongness and Magicalness are swapped. Do I have to spell it
489	Drab Sonata	Usable	The Palindome	This is the sheet music to the most boring song you've ever heard. Er, read.
541	Draggin' Ball Hat	Hat	The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is a hat with heavy iron balls attached to it. It's stylish, but really heavy.
676	Dragonbone Belt Buckle (Once Only)		The Council Of Loathing	This is a belt buckle fashioned from the sukll of an enormous bonerdagon. The degree to which it was fashioned is exceeded only by the degree to which it is fashionable.
98	Dried Face		The Spooky Forest	This is a face, which is very dry.
115	Dripping Meat Crossbow	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a moistened crossbow. It's been moistened with ketchup (or catsup, who knows.)
114	Dripping Meat Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This staff is soaked with ketchup (or catsup.) It's moist and delicious.
113	Dripping Meat Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This meat sword is infused with ketchup. Or catsup. And it's very drippy.
456	Dry Martini	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	A delicious olive plus some delicious gin equals a martini of extraordinary magnitude. Now that's your kind of math!
304	Dry Noodles		Multiple, Format Coming	These are dry noodles. There is nothing clever which can be said about them.
1019	Dry Vodka Martini	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a delicious dry vodka martini. It's dry because it's got a larger olive in it than a regular vodka martini. Seriously.
555	Drywall Axe (Once Only)	Weapon	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is an axe made out of drywall. It looks like it would be good for wallhacking, or just hacking of the 'covered in monster guts afterward' type.
1017	Ducha De Oro	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of tequila and orange juice with a girly paper umbrella in it. Drinking this would probably make you feel like a pretty little mariposa.
296	Dungeoneer's Dungarees	Pants	The Limerick Dungeon	This is a pair of dungarees, specially designed for the discriminating dungeoneer. They're as fashionable as they are protective. Which is to say, not very.
910	Dwarf Bread	Food	Halloween	Elves are short, willowy, and light in the loafers. Elfin bread is light and airy and melts in your mouth. Dwarves are tall, stout, hairy and hardy. Their bread can also be used as a blunt instrument.
347	Dyspepsi-Cola	Combat/Usable Item	The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is a can of Dyspepsi-Cola, one of the two indistinguishable frontrunners in the Kingdom of Loathing Cola Wars.
157	E-Z Cook Oven	Crafting Item	The Demon Market	This is an E-Z Cook Oven. A baker is you!
735	Easter Egg Balloon (Once Only)	Accessory	The Perplexing Door	This is a balloon. Like most balloons, it's shaped just like an Easter Egg. Unlike most balloons, it's also colored just like an Easter Egg. It's pretty cute. Er, stylish. I didn't just say ?cute.?
824	Effervescent Potion	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
932	Eggnog	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a glass of eggnog. It's slimy, sickeningly sweet, and a disturbing shade of beige. About the only good thing you can say about it is that it's got some booze in it.
155	El Sombrero De Lopez (Once Only - Class Based)	Hat	The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave	This is the hat which was until recently worn by Somerset Lopez, Dread Mariachi.Now it's worn by you, you Moxious avenger you.
151	Elder Turtle Shell (Once Only - Class Based)	Hat	The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave	This is the shell of one of the ancient order of Elder Turtles, untimely ripped from his brutally slain corpse.It retains his strength and determination.
481	Eldritch Butterknife		The Dark Elbow Of The Woods	This butterknife pulses with malevolent energy. And malevolent dullness.
500	Elf Farm Raffle Ticket	Usable	The Palindome	This is a ticket to the Elf Farm Raffle. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you?
501	Elfin Shortbread	Food	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a delicious chunk of shortbread, made by elves. They probably live in a tree, or something similar to a tree. Like, umm, a different tree.
1081	Emo Roe (Retired)	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This is the egg of an extremely emotional fish of some sort. Remember the band ?An Emotional Fish?? Yeah, nobody else does, either.
124	Empty Meat Tank		Degrassi Knoll	This is a meat tank with no meat in it. Why, if there's no meat in it, is it called a meat tank? The world may never know.
85	Empty Orcish Meat Locker	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is an empty meat locker. You could probably use this to store meat at your campsite.
271	Enchanted Barbell	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a barbell which has been imbued with a powerful magic spell. A few minutes with this and you'll be noticeably stronger.
186	Enchanted Bean	Usable	The Batrat and Ratbat Burrow	This is a bean, but it's not an ordinary bean -- it's enchanted! Of course, all of the beans in the Kingdom of Loathing are enchanted, so I guess it actually is an ordinary bean.
317	Enchanted Bean Burrito	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is like an ordinary bean burrito, only enchanted.
686	Enchanted Brass Knuckles	Accessory	The Smacketeria	This is a pair of brass knuckles imbued with powerful sorcery. You could split a lot more lips if you were wearing these.
130	Enchanted Eyepatch	Hat	Inventory - Combine	This is an eyepatch, which is just full to the brim with enchantment. Hoo-wee is this eyepatch enchanted.
491	Enormous Belt Buckle		The Palindome	This is more belt buckle than any man needs, which, if you think about it, is no belt buckle at all. Shiny, though.
640	Ent Cider (Retired)	Beverage	The Large Donkey Mountain Ski Resort	This is a bottle full of glowing golden essence of hipster Ent. It smells good and tastes delicious, but you don't want to think about where it might have come from.
425	Equilibrium Juice	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a potion made up of the concentrated essence of equilibrium and stability. Oh, and lime. Can't forget the lime.
846	Especially Homoerotic Frat-Paddle (Jick)	Weapon	Jick	This frat-paddle is even more homoerotic than most frat paddles. That's really saying something.
762	Especially Salty Dog	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a salty dog that has been made especially salty. Your tongue hurts just thinking about it.
478	Evil Golden Arch		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a fiendish curve of golden metal. You estimate that it's about half pure evil.
504	Evil Golden Arches	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a pair of sinister golden arches. Who knows what manner of evil they will spawn?
651	Exclusive Ultra-Rare Item (Jick)	Accessory	Jick	This is an extremely rare item. It's so rare that it can't be found at all.
951	Extra Special Crimbo Stocking (Retired)	Usable	Crimbo 2004	This is a stocking that is probably full of even better goodies than a normal Crimbo stocking. Also, it points the other way at the bottom. How lucky you are to have gotten one of these!
257	Extra-Spicy Bloody Mary	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a Bloody Mary with a kick. Actually, two kicks. First it kicks you in the mouth, then it kicks you in the head.
277	Extra-Strength Strongness Elixir	Usable	The Daily Dungeon	This elixir will make you stronger. So you can drink more elixir. So you can get stronger. So you can drink more elixir. So you can get stronger...
149	eXtreme Meat Crossbow	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This crossbow is to the limit.
148	eXtreme Meat Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This meat staff is to the limit.
147	eXtreme Meat Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This meat sword is to the limit.
399	eXtreme Mittens	Accessory	The eXtreme Slope	This is a pair of eXtreme mittens. They'll keep your hands eXtremely warm, without interfering with that which separates you from the animals -- your lack of razor-sharp claws.
195	eXtreme Nose Ring	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This nose ring is pretty eXtreme.
355	eXtreme Scarf	Hat	The eXtreme Slope	This is an eXtreme scarf. It's red, with little white eXtreme reindeer knitted into it. This thing will keep you wicked warm.
860	Eye-Pod	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This pod is completely covered with all-seeing eyes. Its cosmic vibrations are in tune with the music of the Spheres. This thing would probably get your baby gravy fairy busting all kinds of new moves.
224	Eyepatch	Familiar Equipment	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a regular old eyepatch. You'd wear this if you only had one eye, or if you were dressing like a pirate. Arrrr.
538	F3d0r4	Hat	The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is a snazzy hat! It makes you feel like 1nd1ana J0ne5.
80	Fairy Gravy		The Haiku Dungeon	This is an enchanted tureen of Fairy Gravy. It smells delicious -- magically delicious.
274	Familiar-Gro? Terrarium	Usable	The Demon Market	This is the roomy and affordable Familiar-Gro Terrarium. Turn your home or campsite into a breeding grounds for all manner of helpful creatures!
581	Fancy Schmancy Cheese Sauce		Inventory - Cook	This is some fancy sauce made with goat cheese. This sauce would probably taste better if you were wearing fancy pants, Fancypants.
185	Fat Stacks Of Cash		Inventory - Use Specific Item	These are some fat stacks of cash. Too bad you can't spend cash in the Kingdom of Loathing.Oh well. Maybe somebody else can use it for something.
210	Feng Shui For Big Dumb Idiots	Usable	The Hippy Camp	This is a book which illustrates the principes of the ancient art of Feng Shui using very short, very simple sentences.
927	Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel (Retired)	Booze	Uncle P's Antiques - Purchase Of Villa (Retired)	This is a bottle of fine wine, straight from the vineyards of the Old Country. It's dry and full-bodied, like a fat mummy. It tastes better than a fat mummy, though. Slightly.
247	Fermenting Powder		The Demon Market	This is a little bit of magical powder that will cause things to ferment at a greatly accelerated rate.
529	Fertilized Ghuol Egg	Familiar	Inventory - Combine	This is a ghuol egg which has been fertilized. It'd probably hatch, given the proper conditions.
583	Fettucini Inconnu	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a cheesy pasta dish of great mystery. Its origins? Lost in the mists of time. Its effects? Unknown. Its aroma? Delightful.
870	Fetus-Smashing Club (Jick)	Weapon	Jick	This Bashy's club. Bashy hate fetus. Therefore, club hate fetus.
955	Fez Of Etymology	Hat	Inventory - Combine	This powerful enchanted fez bestows upon its wearer the ability to instantly discern the origin of any word he or she encounters. What could you do with a fez like this? Why, look stylish, of course!
213	Filthy Corduroys	Pants	The Hippy Camp	This is a pair of filthy corduroys. It's filthy because it came from the wardrobe of a filthy, filthy hippy.
700	Filthy Hippy Poncho	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
214	Filthy Knitted Dread Sack	Hat	The Hippy Camp	This is a filthy knitted sack, which can be used by a filthy hippy to contain his or her filthy, filthy dreadlocks. You still don't know what the colors mean. Red, black, and green.
255	Fine Wine	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a bottle of fine wine, from the Flachtweide Wecker vineyards. That's what the bottle says, at least.
731	Fish Hose (Once Only)		The Perplexing Door	This is a length of rubber hose that smells like fish. Wanna know what else is made of rubber and smells like fish? A tupperware container full of fish, that's what. Pervert.
729	Fishbowl (Once Only)		The Perplexing Door	This is a fishbowl. It's an anagram of blowfish, but unlike a blowfish, it's made of glass and remains a constant size. It's also an anagram of flishbow, but unlike flishbow, it's actually a word.
730	Fishtank (Once Only)		The Perplexing Door	This is a fishtank. And by fish, I mean oxygen. Why? Simple. Fish is like oxygen, in that you can't survive without either of them, except for fish.
825	Fizzy Potion	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
473	Flaming Crutch		Multiple, Format Coming	This is like a normal crutch, only it's on fire. This would be useful if you found youself without the use of one of your legs, and posessed of fireproof armpits
755	Flaming Mushroom	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
544	Flaming Talons	Accessory	The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	These are the claws of a flaming troll. Sharp + Hot Dangerous.
301	Flat Dough	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a wad of dough which has been smashed flat.
701	Floral Print Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1149	Flower Petal Pie	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a pie made out of flower petals. It seems like it's probably much tastier than a pie made out of bicycle pedals. Easier on your teeth, too.
448	Foolscap Fool's Cap	Hat	The "Fun" House	This is a fool's cap, made of paper. Pretty cheap.
772	Foon	Weapon	The Limerick Dungeon	This is a plastic implement that combines the properties of a fork and a spoon. Which is to say that it's a fork with wide, flat tines. Basically useless.
869	Forest Tears	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	This is a vial of tears cried by a homeless forest spirit. Awwww.
61	Fortune Cookie	Usable	The Hermitage	This is a fortune cookie, manufactured by HNSTY (pronounced with an 'NSTY'.)It smells lemony and Nethack-esque.
353	Frigid Ninja Stars	Combat Item	The Lair Of The Ninja Snowmen	This is a set of three throwing stars of the sort used by the Ninja Snowmen. They're ice-cold and deadly accurate.
696	Frilly Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
131	Frilly Skirt	Pants	Degrassi Knoll	This is a really cute skirt.
526	Frobozz Real-Estate Company Instant House (Once Only)	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a portable house, with a label on it reading ?Frobozz Real-Estate Company Instant House. Just add water!?
756	Frozen Mushroom	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
354	Frozen Nunchaku	Weapon	The Lair Of The Ninja Snowmen	This is a set of nunchaku which will make your hands numb, Chuck. Get it? Numb-chucks?
646	Fruitcake	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a fruitcake. It's like a big brown brick, with little pieces of cherries, apricots, and papayas in it. Mostly papayas. Great.
125	Full Meat Tank		Inventory - Combine	This is a meat tank which is full of meat. There's no question as to why this is called a meat tank.
616	Furry Fur		The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This is the fur from a furry. By which I mean it's the fur from a costume worn by a friggin' pervert.
631	Furry Pants	Pants	Inventory - Smith	This is a pair of extremely thick, extremely furry pants, with velcro flaps in both the front and back. You're more comfortable if you don't think about the flaps.
799	Fuzzbump	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of rum, lime juice, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
928	Fuzzy Bracelets (Jick)	Accessory	Jick	This is a pair of fuzzy bracelets that are, for some reason, connected together with a strong steel chain. What could these things possibly be used for?
387	Fuzzy Dice (Once Only)	Familiar	The Shore Inc.	What's fuzzy and has twelve sides? These things. Or, I suppose, some sort of fuzzy dodecahedron. But definitely these things.
281	Gasmask (Retired)	Hat	The Daily Dungeon	This will protect you from all noxious fumes, with the exception of any noxious fumes that come from inside your own head.
607	Gauze Immateria (Once Only)		The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a small sphere of the purified essense of gauze. It's very wispy.
1082	Gazing Shoes	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a set of eight tiny shoes, perfect for being gazed at by an Emo Squid.
758	Ghost Cucumber	Food	The Spectral Pickle Factory	This is the ghost of a cucumber. Or maybe it's the cucumber of a ghost - y'know, like a ghost was walking around with some cucumbers, and it accidentally dropped one?
766	Ghost Pickle On A Stick	Familiar	Inventory - Cook	This is the ghost of a pickle on a stick. Er, I should rephrase that. It's the ghost of a pickle, AND it's on a stick. The stick wasn't part of the pre-ghost pickle. It's moving around spookily.
763	Ghostly Pickling Solution		Inventory - Cook	This is a liquid that looks like it could pickle something. Something ghostly.
166	Ghuol Ears		Multiple, Format Coming	These are the ears from a ghuol. They're pretty meaty. Y'know, as far as ears go.
161	Ghuol Egg	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is an egg from a ghuol. Bet you didn't even know they laid eggs.
162	Ghuol Egg Quiche	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a delicious-smelling quiche made from a ghuol egg.
669	Ghuol Guolash	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a steaming dish of stew made from tomatoes, noodles, and the decaying flesh of a ghuol. Gah.
167	Ghuol-Ear Kabob	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a skewer of roasted ghuol ears.
667	Giant Castle Map (Once Only)	Usable	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a map that appears to lead to the resting place of something called a ?Quantum Duck.? Intriguing.
1151	Giant Discarded Plastic Fork (Once Only)	Weapon	The Council Of Loathing	This is a giant plastic fork that was thrown away by somebody giant after eating something slightly less giant, but still pretty giant. The tines are pretty dull, but it's big enough that you can use it as a staff.
273	Giant Moxie Weed	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a huge Moxie weed. It's not wee, it's not not-so-wee, it's friggin' HUGE!
619	Giant Needle	Weapon	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This is the needle from a giant record player. Like most of the things in this castle, it's very large. Unlike most of the things in this castle, however, it's also wicked sharp.
934	Gingerbread Bugbear (Reitred)	Food	Crimbo 2004	This is a bugbear made of gingerbread. Isn't it cute? With its little eyes made of frosting and its little arms also made of frosting and its little mouth also also made of frosting? Gingerbread tastes like neither ginger nor bread. Discuss.
330	Glass Of Goat's Milk	Beverage	The Goatlet	This is a glass of milk.The milk came from a goat. The goat came from the Mountains. You don't know where the glass came from.
629	Glowing Red Eye	Accessory	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is the eye from a MagiMechTech MechaMech. Its power source appears to be intact, in that it's still glowing.
497	Gnatwing		The Palindome	This is the wing of a tan gnat. Yep.
505	Gnatwing Earring	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This is a gnatwing earring. Earwingring. Whatever. it's pretty, for jewelry made out of insect parts.
585	Gnocchetti Di Nietzsche	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a pasta dish with a savory mushroom sauce. When you look into this bowl, this bowl also looks into you. Talking about this pasta can also be a means to conceal this pasta. And that's enough of that.
172	Gnoll Lips	Usable	Degrassi Knoll	This is the set of lips from a Gnoll. He wasn't using them anymore.
220	Gnoll Teeth		Degrassi Knoll	These are teeth from a Gnoll. They'd look good on a necklace.
221	Gnoll-Tooth Necklace	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This is a necklace made out of Gnoll teeth. Pretty intimidating.
127	Gnollish Autoplunger	Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is a Gnollish Autoplunger. It can be used to quickly unclog toilets, or to lay a foul-smelling smack down on someone or something.
123	Gnollish Flyswatter	Weapon	Degrassi Knoll	This is a flyswatter used by the Gnollish Flyslayers of Degrassi Knoll.
129	Gnollish Nunchaku (Retired)	Weapon	Degrassi Knoll	This is a pair of Gnollish numb-chucks. Nun-chucks. Noon-chocka.
158	Gnollish Pie Tin		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a pie tin used by Gnollish bakers to bake pies. Gnollish pies.
117	Gnollish Plunger	Weapon	Degrassi Knoll	This is the plunger favored as a weapon by the Gnolls of Degrassi Knoll.
533	Gnollish Toolbox	Usable	Degrassi Knoll	This is a toolbox dropped by a Gnollish Gearhead. It's probably got machine parts inside it.
327	Goat	Familiar	Inventory - Combine	This is a baby goat. Isn't he cute, with his little beard and everything?
329	Goat Beard	Hat	The Goatlet	This is the beard from a goat.
322	Goat Cheese	Food	The Goatlet	This is cheese made from goat's milk. What will they think of next?
325	Goat Cheese Pizza	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a pizza with goat cheese on it. It smells good.
792	Golden Mr. Accessory	Accessory	The Mr. Store	This is an accessory. A really, really nice one. This is an item which, in addition to providing the stat boost of a normal Mr. Accessory, allows its bearer to temporarily bestow, 5 times per day, the same benefit on other players.
66	Golden Twig		The Hermitage	This is a golden twig. The Oriole would probably dig it.
879	Goofballs	Usable	The Suspicious Looking Guy	This is a bottle of pills labeled ?goofballs.? Something tells you that it'd probably be a bad idea to take these.
703	Goth Kid T-Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
748	Gourd Potion (Limited)	Usable	The Gourd Tower	This is a tiny hollowed out gourd that contains a fizzing orange liquid.
358	Gr8ps	Food	The eXtreme Slope	These are like normal grapes, only more eXtreme!
243	Grapefruit	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a grapefruit. It's fruit, but it's nothing like a grape.
420	Grapefruit Juice Of Powerful Power	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a potion made from grapefruit juice. Drink it, and you'll be as Strong as a grapefruit, as Magical as a grapefruit, and as Moxious as a grapefruit. Moreso, actually, in all three cases.
244	Grapes	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a bunch of wild grapes. Or maybe they're domesticated grapes. I forget.
671	Grave Robbing Shovel	Weapon	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a shovel used for robbing graves. Too bad it can't also be used as a figurative shovel, for burying the guilt you'd feel if you ever used it.
1041	Green Beer	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a beer infused with something that makes it green. Is it easy bein' green? I don't know. You'll have to ask this beer.
462	Green Pixel		The 8-Bit Realm	This strange object appears to be a green dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Weird.
466	Green Pixel Potion	Combat/Usable Item	The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	This is a green potion made of pixels. The resolution isn't high enough for it to bubble, but if it was, you can believe that it'd be bubbling with HP and MP restoring goodness.
790	Grog	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink whose origins and composition are shrouded in mystery. It smells pretty good.
949	Grogtini	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is grog, with a fancy garnish, served in a martini glass. Somehow these two additions make it much, much better than regular grog.
525	Grue Egg (Once Only)	Familiar	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is an egg laid by a grue. You're assuming a grue will hatch from it.
189	Guano Coffee Cup		Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a coffee cup made out of bat guano.It's about as nasty as you expected it to be.
156	Guild Application (Retired)		The Council Of Loathing	This is an application to one of the Professional Guilds of Loathing. You should take it to the Council in the Seaside Town.
190	Guild Pants (Retired)	Pants	The Council Of Loathing	Note: Guild Pants were given to adventurers when they beat the Boss Bat. In early summer of 2003 they were replaced by the Batskin Belt, which dropped alongside the Boss Bat Bandana. (MaxDemian)
488	Guitar Pick		The Palindome	This is an ordinary guitar pick. It's so ordinary that it's completely boring.
704	Hamethyst	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
713	Hamethyst Bracelet	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
711	Hamethyst Earring	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
712	Hamethyst Necklace	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
710	Hamethyst Pendant	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
714	Hamethyst Ring	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
914	Hand Turkey Outline (Retired)	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This is the larval form of the Hand Turkey, a flightless but ferocious bird that pecks the eyes out of its enemies before stealing all of their Meat.
1162	Handsomeness Potion	Usable	South Of The Border	This potion will make you irresistable to the ladies. Or the guys, if that's your thing. Look, we don't ask questions here. It might also make your life more dangerous, though.
936	Hanukkimbo Dreidl (Retired)	Familiar	Crimbo 2004	This is a dreidl from another holiday, mistakenly placed in with the Crimbo loot. It looks pretty neat, though -- shiny, made of clay, and sparkling with mystical energy. It's even better than Jennifer Aniston.
693	Harem Girl T-Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
48	Heart Of Rock and Roll		Inventory - Combine	Somehow, the combination of a big rock and a hot buttered roll has produced this living, beating heart. It's sort of gross, actually.
611	Heavy D		The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This is a letter D of extraordinary magnitude. The girls, the girls, they love it.
56	Heavy Hot Sauce		Inventory - Cook	This is a sauce made from gravel and jabanero pepper juice. It's heavy, and it's hot. That's why it's called ?heavy hot sauce.?
508	Heavy Metal Sonata	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This sheet music is the very essence of heavy metal. It's so heavy and metallic you can't lift it, but you can sure dig its evil groove. All hail the Dark Lord.
507	Heavy Metal Thunderrr Guitarrr	Usable	Inventory - Combine	You like smoke and lightning, this, and racing with the wind.
728	Hedge Maze Key (Once Only)		The Hedge Maze	This is the key you found in the hedge maze.
727	Hedge Maze Puzzle (Once Only)		The Hedge Maze	This is a tiny wooden puzzle that you took from one of the topiary golems in the Naughty Sorceress' hedge maze. It's... puzzling.
506	Hell Broth	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a potent broth, simmered over the very fires of Hey Deze. It smells savory and brimstony.
578	Hell Ramen	Food	Inventory - Cook	These are ramen noodles that taste like hell. These differ from other ramen noodles in that... er... hey, look over there!
476	Hellion Cube		Multiple, Format Coming	In the same way that a bullion cube is a potent combination of salt and bull, this is a potent combination of salt and Hell.
90	Helmet Recipe	Usable	The Meatsmith	This is a recipe which tells you how to cook up a sturdy (and tasty) meat helmet.
3	Helmet Turtle	Hat	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a turtle, which for some reason doesn't mind being worn as a helmet.
484	Hemp Backpack (Unimplemented)	Container	Unimplemented	This is a backpack made out of hemp, which was probably woven together by some filthy hippy. It's ugly, it smells awful, and the straps chafe your shoulders, but it's roomy. I guess they need lots of space for all of their drug paraphernalia and hacky sacks.
218	Hemp Bracelet	Accessory	The Hippy Camp	This is a bracelet made of hemp. It's got a spot where you could probably weave things into the hemp.
417	Henna Tattoo	Usable	The Hippy Camp (In Disguise)	This is a henna tattoo. The design supposedly has some sort of tribal significance. Or maybe it's Japanese or something. Anyway, putting it on might make something Magical happen. You never know.
217	Herb Brownies	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	These are some brownies with some herbs mixed into them. Seems sort of suspicious.
203	Herbs		Multiple, Format Coming	These are herbs, fresh from some hippy's garden.
42	Hermit Permit		The Demon Market	This is a permit which allows you to make a pilgrimage to see the Hermit who lives beyond The Spooky Forest.
567	Hermit Script	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a scroll which contains a sequence of incomprehensible characters, organized in sets of curly braces.
847	Heteroerotic Frat-Paddle (Jick)	Weapon	Jick	The is one of the rarest items in the Universe -- a frat paddle with absolutely no aura of homoeroticism.
516	Hey Deze Map (Once Only)	Usable	The Deep Fat Friar's Gate	This is a map to the dead center of the Infernal Realm of Hey Deze.A note in the margin, scrawled in blood, reads ?WOE BETIDE YE, WHO ENTERS HERE WITHOUT SUITABLE MUSIC FOR OUR DARK LORD.?
509	Hey Deze Nuts		Inventory - Use Specific Item	These are some wild and crazy imps, and they're carrying tiny shovels. Hmm...
582	Himalayan Hidalgo Sauce		Inventory - Cook	This is a tasty sauce made with mushrooms. You're not exactly sure why it's called Himalayan Hidalgo Sauce, but then again, you're not exactly sure of a lot of things.
1034	Hippo Skin Buckler	Accessory	Inventory - Smith	This is a buckler made of hippo skin. It's tough. So tough that just looking at it makes you feel tougher.
1029	Hippo Whip	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is like a bullwhip, only made with hippo skin instead of bull skin. It's got hippo fingernails on the end, making it really, really painful. If you get hit with it, that is. It's not painful to look at, or anything.
398	Hippopotamus Pants	Pants	Inventory - Smith	This is a pair of pants made out of hippopotamus skin. They make your ass feel as tough as a hippopotamus. And a hippopotamus is pretty tough, believe me.
395	Hippopotamus Skin		T3h L33t Tr4pz0r	This is the skin of a hippopotamus. This reminds you of a haiku:hippopotamusantihippopotamusannihilation
207	Hippy Herbal Tea	Beverage	Inventory - Cook	This is herbal tea. It's probably made of chamomile, or jasmine, or some other kind of hippy crap.
241	Homoerotic Frat-Paddle	Weapon	The Orcish Frat House	This is a paddle used in some sort of Orcish Frat initiation ritual.
683	Horizontal Tango	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of whiskey, lemon, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
733	Hosed Fishbowl (Once Only)		Inventory - Combine	This is a fishbowl with a fish hose attached to it. Now if only you had a bag of sand and a big ruby, you could go around making all of the Goth girls swoon.
732	Hosed Tank (Once Only)		Inventory - Combine	This is a fish (oxygen) tank with a fish hose attached to it. Don't get your hosed tank near any tanked hos. There's no telling what they might do with it.
47	Hot Buttered Roll	Food	The Hermitage	This is, as its name implies, a hot buttered roll. It looks delicious.
350	Hot Katana Blade		Multiple, Format Coming	This is the blade of a katana. The only thing interesting about it is that it's really really hot. So be careful with it. And wipe your nose.
471	Hot Wing	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a delicious hot wing. It's hot, and, er, yeah, I got nothin'.
1165	Hovering Sombrero	Familiar	Inventory - Combine	This hat appears to be hovering a couple feet off the ground. Actually, it has a ghost underneath it holding it up. So it's never just a hat, it's never only just a hat, you know.
726	Huge Mirror Shard (Once Only)	Weapon	The Huge Mirror	This is not a huge shard from a mirror, this is a shard from a huge mirror. There's an important distinction, but it escapes you. The distinction, not the shard.
878	Hypnodisk	Accessory	The Deep Fat Friar's Gate	This is a whirling disk with a hypnotic pattern on it. If you wear this thing on your lapel, monsters will be really freaked out. Like, whoah.
848	Hypodermic Needle	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a tiny syringe that has been custom-made to be operated by a mosquito. How, you might ask? Yup, you certainly might ask. This should make the mosquito's blood collection much more efficient.
41	Ice-Cold Beer	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a can of Sir Schlitz, the beer that made the Kingdom of Loathing famous. Mmmmm. Sir Schlitz.
81	Ice-Cold Beer	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a can of Willer. When you come home after a hard day of adventuring, it's Willer Time!
180	Ice-Cold Fotie	Booze	The Orcish Frat House	This is an ice-cold fotie-ouncer of Olde Loathingish.
138	Ice-Cold Six-Pack	Accessory	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a delicious six-pack of Sir Schlitz, the beer that made the Kingdom of Loathing famous.
349	Icy Katana Hilt		The Lair Of The Ninja Snowmen	This is the hilt of a katana. The only interesting thing about it is that it's very very cold. So don't stick your tongue to it. And stop making that face.
351	Icy-Hot Katana	Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This Katana is both as cold as ice (and willing to sacrifice your love) and too hot to handle (now yes around.)
935	Imitation Nice Watch (Reitred)	Usable	Crimbo 2004	This is a cheaply-manufactured replica of a nice wristwatch. It's so poorly-made that it occasionally runs backwards for a few minutes at a time. The upshot is that you'll pretty much always be early for everything if you wear it.
470	Imp Ale	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	Straight from the finest brewery in Hey Deze, Imp Ale delivers full-bodied flavor, eternal damnation, and just a touch of hops.
876	Incredibly Dense Meat Gem	Accessory	Itznotyerzitz Mine (In Disguise)	This is a gem made out of incredibly densely-compressed meat. It throbs with meaty gravity, in both the ?importance? and ?attraction to other physical bodies? senses. Plus, it has a handly belt clip!
477	Infernal Insoles	Accessory	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a set of springy pads that go inside your shoes. They're sure to put a spring in your step, and the fires of Hey Deze in your black, black heart.
316	Insanely Spicy Bean Burrito	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a bean burrito which has been made so spicy that it's almost inedible.
319	Insanely Spicy Enchanted Bean Burrito	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is an enchanted bean burrito which is spicier than any other enchanted bean burrito you've ever seen.
916	Intergalactic Pompoms (Jick)	Accessory	Jick	This is a set of pom poms that look like they'd be perfect for some intergalactic cheerleading. Now if only we knew what ?intergalactic cheerleading? was?
653	Intragalactic Rowboat (Once Only)		Inventory - Combine	This is a craft designed for intragalactic (planetary) travel. Of course, pretty much every vehicle is designed for intragalactic travel. Let's differentiate this one by saying it's designed for intragalactic travel... in space.
1160	Irate Sombrero	Hat	South Of The Border	This sombrero seems awfully upset about something, especially for an inanimate object. It seethes at you, as if it's daring you to even try to dance around it.
777	Iron Pasta Spoon (Retired)	Weapon	The Icy Peak	This is one of the extra-heavy pasta spoons used by the Penguin Mafia Pasta Chefs. Today's special ingredient is pain!
603	Item #13 (Jick)	Accessory	Jick	This is an item with mysterious properties. No one is quite sure what those properties are.
300	Jaba?ero-Flavored Chewing Gum	Usable	South Of The Border	You're not even sure this stuff *is* chewing gum. It's got a hard sugar coating over a wee tiny bit of some mildly squishy substance. You're not convinced that being chewy and gummy automatically make something chewing gum. I mean, pencil erasers fall into that category. Except for the sugar part..
55	Jabanero Pepper		The Hermitage	This is one of the hottest peppers you've ever seen. Just thinking about it makes your mouth hurt.
289	Jarlsberg's Earring	Accessory	The Daily Dungeon	This is one of the earrings worn by Jarlsberg, the most powerful Chef-Mage of the Times of Old.It positively oozes Mysteriousness.
283	Jarlsberg's Key		The Daily Dungeon	This is the key to the Shrine of Jarlsberg, in the Big Mountains.
511	Jarlsberg's Key Lime		Inventory - Cook	This is a lime, with Jarlsberg's Key cooked into it.
514	Jarlsberg's Key Lime Pie	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a key lime pie with the essence of Jarlsberg baked into it. It oozes with flavor and Magicalness.
709	Jewelry-Making Pliers		Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	This is a pair of enchanted pliers designed for crafting enchanted jewelry.
278	Jug-O-Magicalness	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This jug contains a liquid. The liquid contains Magicalness.
571	Jumbo Dr. Lucifer	Beverage	Campground	This is a jumbo-sized Infernal soda. Somehow the ice doesn't melt, despite the fact that it appears to be boiling.
455	Jumbo Olive	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is one of the most amazing olives you've ever seen. This olive is so amazing that you can't imagine ever giving it away.
229	Kentucky-Fried Meat Crossbow	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a crossbow infused with a secret blend of herbs and spices. Mmmmm.
228	Kentucky-Fried Meat Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a meat staff infused with a secret blend of herbs and spices. Mmmmm.
227	Kentucky-Fried Meat Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a meat sword infused with a secret blend of herbs and spices. Mmmmm.
20	Kentucky-Style Derby	Hat	The Demon Market	This is a derby, which looks like it probably came from Kentucky.
106	Ketchup	Food	The Hermitage	This is a bottle of ketchup. It's different from catsup.
493	Ketchup Hound	Usable	The Palindome	This little guy is kind of like a bloodhound, but not as icky. He looks pretty smart, though. Ayup.
521	Kickback Cookbook	Accessory	Gouda's Grimoire And Grocery	This handy little tome will teach you to get more out of your recipes. It's also highly portable.
776	Kneecapping Stick (Retired)	Weapon	The Icy Peak	This is a stick used by the Penguin Mafia to break the knees of those who fail to bend to their whim. Because if you're not going to bend to the Penguin Mafia's whims, your knees are not going to bend in the right direction anymore.
308	Knob Goblin Elite Helm	Hat	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a helmet like the ones worn by the elite guard of Cobb's Knob.
309	Knob Goblin Elite Pants	Pants	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a pair of pants like the pants worn by the Knob Goblin Elite Guard.
310	Knob Goblin Elite Polearm	Weapon	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a polearm like the ones used by the Knob Goblin Elite Guard.
694	Knob Goblin Elite Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
747	Knob Goblin Firecracker	Combat/Usable Item	The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	This is a firecracker produced by the Mad Scientists of Cobb's Knob. Seems dangerous -- like it'd be pretty easy to blow off some of your fingers. Or some of somebody else's fingers...
305	Knob Goblin Harem Pants	Pants	The Cobb's Knob Harem	This is a pair of pants formerly worn by a Knob Goblin Harem Girl.They make you feel like an unnatural woman.
306	Knob Goblin Harem Veil	Hat	The Cobb's Knob Harem	This is a veil formerly worn by a Knob Goblin Harem Girl.
341	Knob Goblin Love Potion	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a potion used by the girls of the Knob Goblin Harem. It will temporarily boost your Moxie, at the cost of a few Strongness.
38	Knob Goblin Pants	Pants	Multiple, Format Coming	These are pants crafted by Knob Goblin seamstresses.
307	Knob Goblin Perfume	Usable	The Cobb's Knob Harem	This is a bottle of perfume from the Knob Goblin Harem. If you put it on, it will make you smell like a Knob Goblin Harem Girl.
35	Knob Goblin Scimitar	Weapon	The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	This is a curved sword used by the Knob Goblins. And trust me -- you don't want to know what they use it for.
344	Knob Goblin Seltzer	Combat/Usable Item	The Cobb's Knob Laboratory	This is a fizzy beverage concocted by the Knob Goblin Mad Scientists.It will restore a moderate number of MP when drunk.
343	Knob Goblin Sharpening Spray	Usable	The Cobb's Knob Laboratory	This is a one-use spraycan full of a patented weapon-sharpening formula devised by the Knob Goblin Mad Scientists. It will temporarily increase the damage you deal with melee attacks.
340	Knob Goblin Steroids	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a single does of the steroids preferred by the Knob Goblin Elite Guard. It will give you a significant temporary boost to your strength, at the cost of some Moxie.
342	Knob Goblin Stink Bomb	Combat Item	The Cobb's Knob Laboratory	This small bomb, when lit, will unleash the stench of a dozen Knob Goblins.
345	Knob Goblin Superseltzer	Combat/Usable Item	The Cobb's Knob Laboratory	This is an extremely fizzy beverage concocted by the Knob Goblin Mad Scientists. It will restore a large number of MP when drunk.
36	Knob Goblin Tongs	Weapon	The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	This is a set of tongs used by the Knob Goblins during barbecues. The tongs are pretty heavy.
51	Knob Goblin Uberpants	Pants	The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	These are the finest pants that have ever been made. I mean, damn, Gina. These pants so fine, in the 16th Century.
312	Knob Goblin Visor	Hat	The Cobb's Knob Treasury	This a visor worn by the Knob Goblin Bean Counters. It's green, it's translucent, and it positively oozes Moxie.
401	Knob Kitchen Grab-Bag	Usable	The Cobb's Knob Kitchens	This is a grab bag from the kitchens of Cobb's Knob. It differs from other bags in that it can be grabbed.
303	Knob Mushroom	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a tasty mushroom, of a variety which grows only in the depths of Cobb's Knob. You should hang out with this mushroom. It's a fungi.
302	Knob Sausage	Food	The Cobb's Knob Kitchens	This is a delicious sausage prepared by the Knob Goblins.
813	Knob Sausage Chow Mein	Food	Inventory - Cook	This tasty dish has all the eastern mystique of chow-mein and all the questionable hygiene of the Knob Goblins and their filthy sausages.
808	Knob Sausage Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a stir-fry of Knob sausage and vegetables. The vegetables are probably pretty good for you, but the sausage is bad enough for you to make it a net loss. So enjoy it, but get a new net as soon as possible.
801	Knob Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a delicious stir-fry of Knob mushrooms. It smells as good as it looks, which is pretty impressive, considering how good it looks.
723	Knoll Mushroom	Food	Degrassi Knoll	This is one of the mushrooms that grows in the damp caverns beneath Degrassi Knoll. It smells a little worse than your average mushroom, unless all of your mushrooms are Knoll Mushrooms, in which case it smells exactly as bad as your average mushroom.
804	Knoll Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a scrumptious stir-fry of seasoned Knoll mushrooms. It smells of a delightful blend of gnolls and hippies.
532	Ladle Of Mystery	Accessory	Gouda's Grimoire And Grocery	This is a ladle that is somehow capable of scooping life energy directly from the Cosmic Sauce. It's also got a handy lanyard ring.
832	Large Box	Usable	The Dungeons Of Doom	This is a large box. It probably contains a number of things. Since it's a large box, that number might be very large. It might also be very small. One thing we can say for sure -- it's not less than zero.
590	Large Cocoa Eggshell Fragment	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a slightly larger version of a slightly smaller fragment of chocolate eggshell.
1066	Lavender Paisley Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a lavender paisley pattern. You haven't seen this much lavender paisley since... umm... y'know, I don't think you've actually ever seen any lavender paisley before now.
1067	Lavender Plastic Oyster Egg	Combat Item	Oyster Day	This is a lavender plastic imitation oyster egg. Of all the plastic imitation oyster eggs you've seen in your life, this is definitely the most... lavender.
1065	Lavender Polka-Dot Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with lavender polka dots. What do you suppose a lavender Yoshi would do? Probably redecorate your house, using his tongue to distribute the throw pillows.
1064	Lavender Striped Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with lavender stripes. It looks like a tiny, round zebra, viewed through some kind of filter that makes black look lavender.
865	Lead Necklace	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a tiny necklace designed to make your familiar heavier. If your familiar was wearing this, you'd no longer be able to walk around saying ?He ain't heavy, he's my familiar.?
492	Leather Chaps	Pants	The Palindome	These chaps make you feel mightier, until you realize that they leave your buttcheeks flappin' in the wind. That reduces the mightiness quotient somewhat, but it makes you look pretty brave...
475	Leather Mask	Hat	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a leather mask, which is... Actually, I'd rather not describe this item at all.
332	Lemon	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a lemon. It's shaped exactly like a lemon.
415	Leotarrrd	Pants	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a leotarrrd from The Obligatory Pirate's Cove. When you're wearing this, you're not going anywhere, Gilbert.
276	Leprechaun Hatchling	Familiar	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a just-hatched leprechaun. If you put it in a terrarium, it'll probably mature very quickly.
100	Lifeless Meat Doll		Inventory - Combine	This is a doll made of meat. It's not very animated. What manner of magicalness could liven it up?
170	Lihc Eye		Multiple, Format Coming	This is the eye from a lihc. It's funny, because you can't remember the lihc actually having eyes while you were fighting it.
171	Lihc Eye Pie	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a pie made from the eyeball of a lihc. It smells pretty magical.
670	Lihc Face	Hat	Multiple, Format Coming	This is the face from a spooky lihc. Nobody would dare lick your face while you're wearing a lihc face.
333	Lime	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a lime. Like a lemon, it's shaped like a lemon. Unlike a lemon, it's a lime.
298	Lime-and-Chile-Flavored Chewing Gum	Usable	South Of The Border	You're not even sure this stuff *is* chewing gum. It's got a hard sugar coating over a wee tiny bit of some mildly squishy substance. You're not convinced that being chewy and gummy automatically make something chewing gum. I mean, pencil erasers fall into that category. Except for the sugar part.
655	Line		The Hole In The Sky	This is a part of a constellation. Funny. You always thought those lines were imaginary.
380	Linoleum Crossbow	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a linoleum crossbow. The twang of its string signals doom for all who oppose you.
368	Linoleum Crossbow String		Inventory - Smith	This is a crossbow string that has been fortified with linoleum. It's as strong and as flexible as a bodybuilding acrobat.
391	Linoleum Helmet Turtle	Hat	Inventory - Smith	This is a turtle whose shell has been plated with linoleum and meat. It's mad tough.
375	Linoleum Meat Stack		Inventory - Smith	This is a dense meat stack fortified with linoleum. It smells like meat on the floor of the bathroom.
363	Linoleum Ore		Itznotyerzitz Mine (In Disguise)	This is a good-sized chunk of linoleum ore, fresh from the living rock.
379	Linoleum Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a linoleum staff. What's long, hard, and smells like linoleum? This.
367	Linoleum Stick		Inventory - Smith	This is a big stick which has been fortified with linoleum. Solid.
378	Linoleum Sword	Weapon	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a linoleum sword. It's easy to clean, and with proper care, will last a lifetime.
366	Linoleum Sword Hilt		Inventory - Smith	This is a sword hilt which has been fortified with linoleum. It's as sturdy and as fragrant as the kitchen floor.
635	Little Paper Umbrella	Weapon	The Tropical Paradise Island Getaway	This is a miniature replica of a real umbrella, if real umbrellas were made of bamboo and paper. And broke if you so much as looked at them funny, dammit.
698	Loathing Eagle Baby-Doll T-Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
84	Locked Orcish Meat Locker		The Haiku Dungeon	This is an Orcish locker full of meat. Unfortunately, it's locked, so all of the meaty goodness stays inside.
433	Long Skinny Balloon		The "Fun" House	This is a long, skinny balloon. By itself, it has very little value. But twisted up with other balloons...
187	Loose Teeth	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a handful of human teeth. They appear to have gnashed their last.
569	Lord Of The Flies-Sized Fries	Food	Campground	These french fries appear to have been deep-fried in the boiling oil vats of Hell, itself. They're crispy on the outside, evil on the inside.
539	Lowercase N		The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is an N dropped by a XXX pr0n. I guess that makes him a XXX pr0.
995	Lucky Surprise Egg	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a Lucky Surprise Egg! It's made of chocolate! It's delicious, and has a fun toy surprise inside! It's exciting! That's why the description has so many exclamation points in it!
1040	Lucky Tam O'Shanter (Retired)	Familiar Equipment	The Mr. Store	This is some kind of beret with a fuzzy ball on the top of it. Your familiar can wear it at a jaunty angle. Then you could say ?Jaunty Tam O'Shanter? over and over again. Try it, it's fun!
564	Mad Train Wine	Booze	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a bottle of Mad Train wine. Cheap wine. Nasty wine. Headache-in-a-bottle wine.
781	Mafia Aria (Retired)	Usable	The Icy Peak	This is an aria about the life. The life of a Penguin Mobster. It looks like it'd be relatively difficult to sing, due in large part to your lack of penguin vocal chords. In your throat, I mean -- not, like, in a sack.
791	Mafia Bow Tie (Retired)	Accessory	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a bow tie, of the style worn by the members of the Penguin Mafia. It's very, very stylish, and it makes you feel very, very tough.
838	Mafia Stogie (Retired)	Accessory	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a cigar, enchanted to burn and burn without ever being used up. The smoke creates an aura of intense Mysticality, and the intimidation factor makes you seem a lot tougher than you actually are.
840	Mafia Violin Case (Retired)	Weapon	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a ?violin case? of the sort wielded (weld?) by Mob Penguin thugs. It feels pretty heavy. You could probably use it to beat somebody over the head until they were unconscious. Even though that'd be unconscionable (marked by unconscionability.)
1008	Magical Ice Cubes		The Large Donkey Mountain Ski Resort	This is a handful of ice cubes that have been enchanted in such a way as to make them very difficult to melt. A lot can go down between Thursday and Saturday when these things get involved. Just ask the boys in your 'hood.
518	Magical Mystery Juice	Combat/Usable Item	Gouda's Grimoire And Grocery	This is a potion that's positively bubbling with Magicalness. Roll up! (your sleeves, and drink it.)
16	Magicalness-In-A-Can	Usable	The Demon Market	This is a can of aerosol Magicalness. When you spray it on yourself, you become more Magical.
862	Magnifying Glass	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This magnifying glass was specially designed to gather starlight and focus it through a star starfish. It could probably also be used to turn ants into ant-b-que, but I think we're all a little more mature than that.
845	MAHI Fez (Jick)	Hat	Jick	This is a fez embroidered with the Cryptic word ?MAHI.? You'd think that if you put two of them together, you'd have a tasty fish, but you'd be wrong -- there's only one of them, and Boozerbear has it, so you won't ever put two of them together.
839	Maiali Sifilitici Pinot Noir (Retired)	Booze	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a bottle of red, red wine, straight from the vineyards of Old Country. A lot of this stuff made its way into the Kingdom by way of Mob Penguin immigrants. Pinot Noir goes well with salmon, chicken, and lamb. Although I heard Pinot Noir and lamb got in a fight, so now Pinot Noir is back together with chicken.
999	Maid Head		Inventory - Combine	This is the head of a maid. If the janitorial industry had the same operating standards as the mafia, you'd find one of these in your bed if you crossed them.
998	Maiden Wig	Hat	Degrassi Knoll	Don't wig out, man... this is a wig designed to make a burly Gnollish man look like a burly Gnollish maiden.
734	Makeshift SCUBA Gear	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This is a fish (oxygen) tank, attached by a fish hose to a fishbowl. When you wear this, you'll be able to breathe clean air no matter where you go, as long as you consider air that reeks of fish to be clean.
850	Many Eyed Glasses	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	These spectacles will allow your potato to better see your enemy, the better to entangle it. The downside is your potato will have to live with the cruel nickname ?sixteen-eyes.?
1038	Maraschino Moxiosity Potion	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a potion made of cherry juice. It's an alarmingly artificial-looking shade of red.
1013	Margarita	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a margarita. If a bunch of these things got together and started up a town, it'd probably be a good place to avoid if you wanted to actually accomplish anything.
1159	Mariachi G-String	Combat Item	South Of The Border	This is the third string from a Mariachi's guitar. What? It's thin, strong, and pointy on the ends -- you could probably garotte somebody with it pretty effectively. Or put it back on a guitar and play a Gavotte for somebody.
12	Mariachi Pants	Pants	The Sewer	This is a pair of pants you stole from a mariachi. You stole his pants because he didn't have an accordion. He didn't have an accordion because a different Accordion Thief had already stolen it from him.
251	Martini	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is your basic martini. Gin and an olive.
1163	Marzipan Skull	Usable	South Of The Border	You were afraid this thing came out of a girl who looks like a broomstick with a wig and a skirt, but really it's just compressed sugar and almond extract.
1062	Mauve Paisley Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a mauve paisley pattern. Mauve and paisley go together like beans and cornbread. Or perhaps like paisley and mauve.
1063	Mauve Plastic Oyster Egg	Combat Item	Oyster Day	This is a mauve plastic imitation oyster egg. Accept no imitations, except for this one.
1061	Mauve Polka-Dot Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with mauve polka dots. Didn't your Grandma have a friend named Mauve Polka Dots? No? I could've sworn she did.
1060	Mauve Striped Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with mauve stripes. It's like a hard-boiled police lieutenant, but police lieutenants aren't usually covered in mauve stripes. At least not in their public lives.
268	Meat Cowboy Hat	Hat	Inventory - Combine	This is a cowboy hat, made of meat, with a snakeskin hatband. Stylish, pardner.
849	Meat Detector	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This item is a lot like a metal detector, except that it detects meat. It's got special shielding on it so it doesn't detect the user's own body as meat. Trust me, it does. A leprechaun would probably find this to be pretty useful.
126	Meat Engine		Inventory - Combine	This is an engine which runs on meat. It's fueled-up and ready to go (somewhere) or do (something.)
99	Meat Face		Inventory - Combine	This is a face made of meat. It's cute.
87	Meat From Yesterday		The Haiku Dungeon	This meat is so dry. It's from yesterday.
636	Meat Globe (Once Only)	Usable	The Shore Inc.	This is a cheap trinket that shows various scenes in the kingdom suffering a freak meatstorm.
101	Meat Golem	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a Meat Golem. It will more than likely do your bidding.
1000	Meat Maid	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a maid that runs on Meat. If you set her up at your campsite, she'll clean up for you, saving you lots of time.
132	Meat Maid Body		Inventory - Combine	This is the body of a meat maid. It's maid to order just for you. Sorry. They maid me do it. Ha! Maid you look! Anyway, it'll never get ahead in the janitorial arts if it doesn't get a head.
25	Meat Paste	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a sticky paste made out of meat. It could be used to stick two things together.
88	Meat Stack		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a stack of highly compressed meat.
546	Meat Vortex	Combat/Usable Item	The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is a curious object - a whirling mass of energy that seems to just suck up Meat.
871	Meatcar Model	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a little replica of a bitchin' meatcar on a string, designed to be hung on a pair of fuzzy dice.
112	Meatloaf Helmet	Hat	Inventory - Combine	This is a helmet made of meatloaf. Mmmmm. You feel like a Bat out of Hell when you wear it. You would do anything for this hat (but you won't do that.)
92	Meatsmithing Guide	Usable	The Meatsmith	This is a pamphlet which explains the basic principles of meatsmithing.
389	Meaty Helmet Turtle	Hat	Inventory - Smith	This is a helmet turtle that's been meated up a bit. Bulkier turtle better protection.
1158	Meleegra? Pills	Usable	South Of The Border	These tiny blue pills are supposed to enlarge your weapon and make you be able to attack for hours on end without tiring. You're not sure how a pill could affect your weapon, but they seem to work.
937	Menorette	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a tiny candelabrum with eight tiny candles in it. It'll make your dreidl feel more at home, so it'll work harder. Spin harder? Whatever.
321	Menudo	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a soup made out of spicy intestines. You've seen more disgusting soups than this, but not very many.
490	Mesh Cap	Hat	The Palindome	This hat makes you feel like you're ready for some football, like you're a good ol' boy (never meanin' no harm,) and like the South will rise again. In other words, tough but stupid.
628	Metallic A		The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a large letter A, made out of some sort of shiny metal.
618	Mick's IcyVapoHotness Rub	Usable	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	Sweet merciful Jesus, this is the strongest-smelling muscle rub you've ever encountered. It's like a Spearmint Fairy took a crap on a candy cane, only more medicinal-smelling.
65	Mighty Bjorn Action Figure (Once Only)		Inventory - Combine	This is a repaired Mighty Bjorn action figure. The Toot Oriole will be glad to see this.
819	Milky Potion	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
836	Mind Flayer Corpse	Food	The Dungeons Of Doom	This is the corpse of a mind flayer. Perhaps you could make a mild filet of mind flayer out of it. Or perhaps not. Perhaps you should just eat it.
360	Miner's Helmet	Hat	Itznotyerzitz Mine	This is a helmet taken from a 7-Foot Dwarf Miner. It's got a nifty light on the front of it.
361	Miner's Pants	Pants	Itznotyerzitz Mine	This is a pair of the special pants worn by 7-Foot Dwarven Miners. Why do you need special pants to work in a mine? You just do, all right?
901	Miniature Espresso Maker	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a machine that Coffee Pixies use to brew up especially potent coffee. It produces cups of espresso that are even smaller than regular-sized cups of espresso.
1152	Miniature Gravy-Covered Maypole (Retired)	Familiar Equipment	The Mr. Store	This is a maypole that's covered from tip to bottom in delicious gravy. From the top stream several ribbons, each of which is also covered in delicious gravy. A familiar using this thing would probably be able to find a lot more items than usual after combat. Why does gravy help your familiar find more items? Exactly.
779	Mob Penguin Cellular Phone (Retired)	Combat Item	The Icy Peak	This is a phone used by the Mob Penguin Sopranos to call in thug penguins to do their bidding. And much like in a combination auction-house and kickboxing arena, their bidding is typically extremely violent.
917	Mob Penguin Protection Contract (Retired)		Uncle P's Antiques (Retired)	This is a document that entitles its owner to a measure of protection from the Penguin Mafia. If -- and we're not saying this is going to be possible -- but if at some point in the near future the Penguin Mafia decides to start doing ?favors? for your fellow citizens of Loathing, having one of these documents in your inventory will protect you against one of those favors. So... Got any enemies?
597	Mohawk Wig	Hat	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is an intimidating hairdo that you can wear over your normal hairdo. Although you'll probably be a lot less intimidating than you would be if you didn't keep using the word ?hairdo.?
1011	Monkey Wrench	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of rum and grapefruit juice. Just the thing you need to loosen your nuts and fix your pipes.
857	Moonglasses	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	These shades are not just stylish, but functional; they could probably help a grue overcome its fear of bright light. As long as you don't masquerade on the grue in shades, oh no.
275	Mosquito Larva	Familiar	The Spooky Forest	This is the larva of a mosquito. It's very tiny, but with some tender loving care (and perhaps a terrarium,) it could develop into a full-fledged mosquito.)
357	Mountain Stream Soda	Combat/Usable Item	The eXtreme Slope	This is a can of Mountain Stream soda. It's pretty fizzy, and it's pretty eXtreme.
519	Moxie Magnet	Accessory	The Shadowy Store	This is a tiny enchanted magnet that you can pin to your shirt. When you've got it equipped, your Mojo Points will be calculated based on your Moxie, instead of your Magicalness.
14	Moxie Weed	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a small weed, which when eaten, makes you more Moxious.
194	Mr. Accessory	Accessory	The Mr. Store	This is an accessory. A pretty nice one, too. This item is bestowed upon those groovy individuals who see fit to contribute $10 or more to the maintenance and development of the Kingdom of Loathing.
896	Mr. Accessory Jr.	Accessory	The Mr. Store	This is an item that appears to be the offspring of a Mr. Accessory and a Mrs. Accessory. He's not quite as strong as his parents, but he certainly likes acquiring new toys!
482	Mr. Container (Unimplemented)	Container	Unimplemented	This is the very first container-type item found in the Kingdom of Loathing. How lucky you are to have this!
782	Mr. Exploiter (Retired)	Accessory	Uncle P's Antiques (Retired)	This is a badge of ?honor? purchased by somebody who was ?wealthy.?
907	Mr. Mediocrebar	Usable	Halloween	This candy bar, y'know, it's okay. Like, it's never going to win a gold medal in the olympics, or anything. I mean, it's even less likely to do so than other candy bars.
685	Mr. Shirt (Jick)	Shirt	Jick	It's Mr. Shirt! Hooray, Mr. Shirt!
895	Ms. Accessory	Accessory	The Mr. Store	This is an accessory that's just as powerful as a Mr. Accessory, but much, much prettier.
267	Mullet Wig	Hat	Whitey's Grove	This is a wig of hair that's long in the back and short on top. Looking at this gets a Bon Jovi song stuck in your head
827	Murky Potion	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
326	Mushroom Pizza	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a pizza with mushrooms on it.
785	Mystery Raffle Ticket #1-#5 (Retired)		Uncle P's Antiques (Retired)	This is a ticket for the Penguin Mafia's ?Mystery Raffle? fund-raiser. Nobody knows what the prizes are -- that's why it's a mystery!
1047	N.O. Beer (Jick)	Booze	Jick	This is a glass of fluorescent green beer from the radioactive microbrewery in the basement of the Noblesse Oblige clan hall. It smells like a dangerous combination of power and generosity.
695	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
802	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
803	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
868	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
880	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
881	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
882	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
883	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
884	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
885	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
886	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
887	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
888	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
889	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
890	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
893	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
930	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
959	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
960	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
996	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
997	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1001	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1032	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1033	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1037	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1039	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1085	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1086	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1087	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1088	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1089	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1090	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1091	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1092	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1093	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1094	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1095	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1096	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1097	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1098	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1099	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1100	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1101	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1102	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1103	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1104	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1105	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1106	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1107	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1108	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1109	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1110	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1111	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1112	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1113	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1116	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1118	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1119	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1120	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1121	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1122	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1123	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1124	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1125	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1126	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1127	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1128	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1129	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1130	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1132	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1133	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1134	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1135	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1136	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1137	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1138	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1139	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1140	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1141	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1142	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1143	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1144	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1145	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1146	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1147	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1150	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1153	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1154	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1155	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1156	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1157	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1167	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1168	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1169	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1170	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1171	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1172	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1173	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1174	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1175	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1176	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1177	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1178	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1179	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1180	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1181	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1182	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1183	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1184	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1185	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1186	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1187	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1188	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1189	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1190	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1191	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1192	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1193	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1194	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1195	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1196	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1197	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1198	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1199	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
1200	N/A	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
627	ND		Inventory - Combine	This is an N followed by a D. And that's all I have to say about that.
219	Necklace Chain		The Hippy Camp	This is a chain of fine metal, out of which a necklace could be made. Of course, making handmade jewelry makes you seem like a hippy.
483	Newbiesport Backpack (Unimplemented)	Container	Unimplemented	This backpack is perfect for beginning adventurers, in that it allows them to carry stuff that they wouldn't otherwise be able to carry.
69	Newbiesport? Tent	Usable	The Demon Market	This is a basic tent. If you put it up at your campsite, you'll be slightly less vulnerable to attacks from other players.
624	NG	Combat Item	Inventory - Combine	This is a basic tent. If you put it up at your campsite, you'll be slightly less vulnerable to attacks from other players.
352	Ninja Hot Pants	Pants	Multiple, Format Coming	This is an N followed by a G. You're not exactly sure how to pronounce it.
428	Nothing-In-The-Box		Inventory - Combine	You've seen some hot pants in your lifetime, but none as hot as these.
446	Nothing-In-The-Box-In-The-Box		Inventory - Combine	This is a something-in-the-box without the something.
798	Ocean Motion	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a nothing-in-the-box on a spring, in a box. That's complicated enough that it doesn't require any more of a description.
1074	Off-White Paisley Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with an off-white paisley pattern. Elaborate pattern + very low contrast plain old white egg, effectively.
1075	Off-White Plastic Oyster Egg	Combat Item	Oyster Day	This is an off-white plastic imitation oyster egg. Or maybe it's ivory, or off-off-white. Or maybe eggshell. Wouldn't that be ironic.
1073	Off-White Polka-Dot Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with off-white polka dots. It's very hard to tell where the polka dots stop and the background begins. And that isn't funny. At all.
1072	Off-White Striped Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with off-white stripes. You've said it once before, but it bears off-repeating now.
904	Old School Mafia Knickerbockers (Retired)	Pants	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a drink made of rum, strawberries, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
1020	Old-Fashioned	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink known, for some reason, as an old-fashioned. I guess in the old days they took their whiskey with cherries in it. That must be what the XX on the side of those bottles meant. Xherry Xherry.
245	Olive	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a big, plump, juicy green olive. Few things are as similar to a big, plump, juicy green olive as this is.
807	Olive Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a somewhat bizarre stir-fry of seasoned olives. It smells... like olives, unsurprisingly. Mountains of olives.
725	One Million Meat Pancakes (Jick)		Jick	This is a million Meat, made into a pancake. Or maybe a pancake made of a million Meat. Either way: Oh yeah.
522	One-Winged Stab Bat		Inventory - Combine	This is a partially rewinged dewinged stab bat. Have you heard my new band, the Partially Rewinged Dewinged Stab Bats?
242	Orange	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is an orange. It's orange.
419	Orangish Aphrodisiac	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a powerful aphrodisiac made from the juice of an orange. It's orang-o-tangy, and expeditious.
239	Orcish Baseball Cap	Hat	The Orcish Frat House	This is a baseball cap formerly worn by an Orcish Frat Boy. Even having this in your inventory makes you feel like a jerk.
240	Orcish Cargo Shorts	Pants	The Orcish Frat House	This is a pair of cargo shorts formerly worn by an Orcish Frat Boy. It's got lots of pockets, perfect for storing your cheat sheets and Rohypnol.
612	Original G		The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This is one of the first Gs printed by the Alphabet Giants in the Sky. Back in the day.
62	Oriole-Feather Headdress (Once Only)	Hat	The Toot Oriole	This is a headdress made from the feathers of the Toot Oriole.
954	Orphan Baby Yeti (Retired)	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This cute little guy looks to have been separated from his big, furry parents. Poor kid -- he's shivering and looking at you with his big, yet somehow beady, eyes.
1080	Oyster Basket (Retired)	Accessory	The Demon Market	This is a basket used for hunting the eggs hidden all over the Kingdom by the Enchanted Flying Oyster. If you don't have one of these equipped, you won't be able to find any oyster eggs. If you find some, go ahead and put all of them in this one basket, though.
502	Pagoda Plans		Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a set of plans for building a big pagoda.
294	Pail (Retired)	Hat	The Daily Dungeon	This is an ordinary metal pail.
575	Painful Penne Pasta	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a bowl of pasta so spicy that smelling it puts hair on your nose's chest. On a related note, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, and you can cut your chest hair, but you can't pick your friend's nose or cut your friend's nose's chest hair.
858	Palm-Frond Toupee	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	Though this toupee won't show the way when summer brings you down, it will allow your volleyball to shower, swim, and play tennis, all with its new hair! Or at least up its confidence so it works a little harder.
91	Pants Kit		The Meatsmith	With the pants kit (cuffs and a belt) you can make snazzy pants.
599	Pants Of The Slug Lord (Once Only)	Pants	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a pair of pants made of what appears to be slug skin. They're durable and weather resistant, and they leave a shiny trail behind you everywhere you go.
498	Papaya	Food	The Palindome	This is a papaya -- it's as tasty to eat as it is fun to say!
524	Papaya Sling	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a cocktail made from a slung papaya.
844	Papaya Slung	Booze	Blown Up Bartender	This is a cocktail that looks like it was made from a smashed papaya that somebody picked up off the ground. It smells vaguely of alcohol, and strongly of dirt.
558	Papaya Taco	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is pretty much what you'd expect -- a taco shell with a papaya in it. It looks tasty enough for even the Pope to enjoy it!
926	Papotion Of Papower	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a potion made of the distilled essence of papaya. It smells Mystical
68	Pasta Of Peril	Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is a contraption which could best be described as ?a gravel-filled spaghetti catapult.? It's as dangerous as it is implausible.
5	Pasta Spoon	Weapon	The Sewer	This is a pasta spoon, weapon of choice of the Pastamancers.
208	Patchouli Incense Stick	Usable	The Hippy Camp	This is a stick of foul-smelling patchouli incense.
396	Penguin Shorts	Pants	Inventory - Smith	These are shorts made of penguin skin. There wasn't enough skin to make long pants. These allow you to slide around pretty quickly on your ass.
393	Penguin Skin		Multiple, Format Coming	This is the skin from a penguin, which has had all of the feathers removed. This would probably make a nice pair of tuxedo pants.
1035	Penguin Skin Buckler	Accessory	Inventory - Smith	This is a buckler made of penguin skin. Tuxedos do not have buckles. Discuss.
1030	Penguin Whip	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is a whip made of penguin skin instead of leather. It has some very persuasive barbs on the tip.
953	Penguin-Smacking Club	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is two slices of bread around some bacon, penguin-smacking, and lettuce. It has an olive on a toothpick stuck through it. Nah. It's actually a big icicle that Yetis use to smack penguins to see how far they'll fly.
604	Penultimate Fantasy Chest	Usable	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a chest you found on The Penultimate Fantasy Airship. It probably contains goodies.
1016	Perpendicular Hula	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a daiquiri that has been frozen even more thoroughly than it was before. It's sort of like a rumsicle.
1083	Personal Raindrop (Retired)	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This is your own personal raindrop. Something to fall in your hair, something that cares.
222	Phat Turquoise Bead		The Hippy Camp	You know what your wrist needs? A big phat turquoise bracelet.
223	Phat Turquoise Bracelet	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This is a phat bead, man. Like, groovy.
593	Phonics Down	Usable	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a handful of soft feathers from the legendary Phonics. With the advent of instant messaging, the great bird is said to have spontaneously combusted. Legend tells that the Phonics will one day be reborn, and that the rivers will run red with the blood of those who cannot spell.
630	Photoprotoneutron Torpedo	Combat Item	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is one of the magical and technological weapons used by the MagiMechTech MechaMechs. It looks awfully dangerous. And dangerously awful.
280	Pick-O-Matic Lockpicks		The Daily Dungeon	This is a set of lockpicks. You can pick your locks, and you can pick your friends, and with these, you'll be able to pick your friends' locks.
299	Pickle-Flavored Chewing Gum	Usable	South Of The Border	You're not even sure this stuff *is* chewing gum. It's got a hard sugar coating over a wee tiny bit of some mildly squishy substance. You're not convinced that being chewy and gummy automatically make something chewing gum. I mean, pencil erasers fall into that category. Except for the sugar part.
160	Pie Crust		Inventory - Cook	This is a pie crust. If you put something tasty in it and cook it, it will more than likely become a pie.
262	Piece Of Wedding Cake	Food	Whitey's Grove	Here comes the bride -- down your gullet!
206	Piercing Post		The Hippy Camp	This is a post for making handmade jewelry.
1161	Pile Of Candy	Usable	South Of The Border	This is a pile of assorted candies. You're guessing it contains somewhere between 3 and 5 individual pieces of candy, and that those pieces of candy will be selected, at random from a list of possibilities when you sort the pile out.
97	Pimpin' Meat Hat	Hat	Inventory - Combine	This hat be stylin'. Nobody best be steppin' to you while you're wearing it. Yeeah.
867	Pine Tar	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	This is pine tar from a lumberjack axe-handle. Tarnation, this stuff is sticky.
556	Pine-Fresh Air Freshener	Accessory	The Bat Hole Entryway	This is an air freshener shaped like a little tree. You could probably wear it around your neck.
684	Pink Pony	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of vodka, cranberry juice, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
406	Pirate Pelvis		The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is the pelvis of a pirate. Alas, it no longer posesses any booty. Arrr.
699	Pirate Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
407	Pirate Skull	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a pirate skull. Actually, it's just a skull with an eyepatch on it, and a brain inside. And a pirate's ghost inside it. So I guess it really is a pirate skull, from a certain point of view. From a certain point of view?
688	Pixel Hat	Hat	The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	This is a stylish hat made out of pixels. This hat would make you look like some sort of low-resolution Robin Hood. Or maybe a poorly digitized Robin Williams.
689	Pixel Pants	Pants	The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	This is a pair of stylish pants made out of pixels. They look durable, like they were made for a plumber, or somebody else who spends a lot of time on their knees.
690	Pixel Sword	Weapon	The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	Master using it and you can have this. Wait, what? First of all, how could you master using it unless you had it? Second of all, you already have it, so it's kind of moot.
912	Pixellated Candy Heart	Usable	Halloween	This is a heart-shaped piece of candy that appears to have been crafted from red pixels.
323	Plain Pizza	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a pizza with nothing on it -- not even cheese.
608	Plastic Wrap Immateria (Once Only)		The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a small sphere of the purified essense of plastic wrap. It's very transparent.
613	Plot Hole	Combat Item	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This thing... it just doesn't add up.
818	Plus Sign (Once Only)	Usable	The Enormous Greater-Than Sign	This is a plus sign. It's about a foot tall, and about a foot wide. It's sort of heavy.
753	Pointy Mushroom	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
707	Pork Elf Goodies Sack	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
706	Porquoise	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
721	Porquoise Bracelet	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
719	Porquoise Eyebrow Ring	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
720	Porquoise Necklace	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
722	Porquoise Ring	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
288	Potato Sprout	Familiar	The Daily Dungeon	This is a potato sprout. It's wriggling around a lot.
793	Potion Of Chalky Equality	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This is a potion made up of the concentrated essence of cranberries, and the extreme chalkiness is sure to have wondrous effects on your stats. Or at least interesting effects, such as making your Mysticality and your Moxie equal to your Muscle.
426	Potion Of Temporary Gr8ness	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This potion will make you feel gr8 for a while. If you and some other people drank this, and then a cartoon tiger saw you, he'd probably say something along the lines of ?They're gr8!? Then you could beat him up and steal his jaunty bandana.
1164	Poultrygeist		South Of The Border	This is the spirit of a fighting rooster which fought one fight too many. It hovers above the ground and makes spooooky clucking noises. Y'know, as spooky as clucking noises can be.
800	Poutine	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	This is an unpronouncable, yet palatable, blend of cheese curd and gravy. Mmm, curd.
817	Pr0n Chow Mein	Food	Inventory - Cook	This tasty dish has all the eastern mystique of chow-mein and all the questionable hygiene of the Knob Goblins and their filthy sausages.
554	Pr0n Cocktail	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a bowl full of pr0n parts in a zesty sauce. Expensive!
537	Pr0n Legs		The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	These are the legs of a pr0n. They look seductively delicious, but they need a little somethin' somethin'.
577	Pr0n M4nic0tti	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a pasta dish made with pr0n legs. It glistens with 1337ness.
812	Pr0n Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a stir-fry of pr0n and olives. It looks very salty. Yarrr.
561	Pregnant Mushroom	Familiar	Inventory - Cook	This is a mushroom that has been fertilized with some fairy gravy. It's a fecund fungus. A tumescent toadstool.
647	Present	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a box wrapped in wrapping paper. What could be inside?
451	Pretentious Paint (Once Only)		The Haunted Pantry	This is a palette covered with several colors of pretentious paint. There's Overblown Orange, Ironic Indigo, Sarcastic Scarlet. Every color of the hipster rainbow.
450	Pretentious Paintbrush (Once Only)		The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	This paintbrush appears to have been used to create a large number of pretentious paintings. You know -- ones with deep inner meaning and symbolism and stuff.
78	Pretty Bouquet	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a bouquet of pretty flowers from The Campground.
39	Pretty Flower	Usable	PvP	This is a beautiful flower.
614	Probability Potion	Usable	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	You probably ought to drink this, but then... maybe you shouldn't. But you probably should.
610	Procrastination Potion	Usable	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	This is a vial of a lazily bubbling substance, the color of tomorrow. Or, y'know, the day after.
851	Prosthetic Forehead	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a prosthetic forehead for your goat to wear on its real head. Everybody wants one of these and now you've got one. It'll enable your goat to hit harder without damaging its skull.
1058	Puce Paisley Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a puce paisley pattern. Say it with me: ?puce paisley pattern? Isn't alliteration fun? And easier to spell than onomatopoeia?
1059	Puce Plastic Oyster Egg	Combat Item	Oyster Day	This is a puce plastic imitation oyster egg. Apparently there's been some advance in plastic making technology that you were unaware of, because as far as you can remember, this is the first time you've ever seen puce plastic.
1057	Puce Polka-Dot Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with puce polka dots. It looks sort of like a disease. Or like an egg that has a disease. Some sort of egg disease. Maybe egg-czema?
1056	Puce Striped Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, covered in puce stripes. One day you woke up covered in puce stripes. Man, that was a bad day.
467	Purple Pixel Pie	Food	The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	This is a pie, made of delicious purple Pixels. Smells delicious.
652	Quantum Egg (Once Only)		Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is an egg laid by a quantum duck. Its position and velocity are uncertain. This would make a good power source for some sort of airborne vehicle.
921	Radio Button Candy	Food	The KoL Radio	This is a roll of paper with tiny little buttons of candy stuck to it. You can only select one piece of candy at a time. These candies were a gift, or possibly a prize, from the fine folks at Radio KoL.
918	Radio Free Baseball Cap	Hat	The KoL Radio	Unlike the Orcish Frat Boy caps, this stylish headgear is completely free of the stench of repressed homosexuality. It was also a free gift, or possibly a prize, given to a loyal Radio KoL listener.
920	Radio Free Foil	Weapon	The KoL Radio	This is a shiny metal foil. It's good for swordfighting and for keeping leftovers fresh. If you smack somebody with it and they say ?Curses, foiled again!?, feel free to beat them to a pulp.
919	Radio Free Pants	Pants	The KoL Radio	These pants are completely free of all radio. And they were given to a loyal Radio KoL listener for free as well. They're nice and roomy, and stylish as all get out. Or at least nine tenths of a get out.
1084	Rainbow Tie	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This tie has all the colors of the rainbow in it - black, white, ebony, ivory, obsidian, milk, and onyx. It'll make your personal raincloud rain even more on you, even if you didn't lie when you were seventeen.
198	Rat Appendix		Multiple, Format Coming	This is the appendix from a rat. It's squishy.
815	Rat Appendix Chow Mein	Food	Inventory - Cook	You never would have guessed rat guts and Asian cuisine would go so well together. I mean, unless you've eaten at some of the Chinese take-out places I've eaten at. Or the places at which I've eaten, if the Grammar Police are watching.
810	Rat Appendix Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a delicious-smelling stir-fry of rat appendixes and vegetables. Or of rat appendices and vegetabli, whichever you prefer.
200	Rat Appendix-Kabob	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a skewer with several chunks of roasted rat appendix on it. Smells delicious.
197	Rat Whisker		The Typical Tavern	This is the whisker from one of the rats who lives beneath The Typical Tavern.
562	Ratgut		The Batrat and Ratbat Burrow	This is a gut from a rat. Or something other than a rat, but something that had rat guts. Either internally, or maybe just carrying them in a bucket or something.
576	Ravioli Della Hippy	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a dish made with noodles and tofu. Since tofu takes on the flavor of whatever you cook it with, in this case it tastes like... plain pasta. Yum, I guess.
6	Ravioli Hat	Hat	The Sewer	This is a hat fashioned from an oversized ravioli.
559	Razor-Sharp Can Lid	Combat Item	The Haunted Pantry	This is the lid from a tin can. It's really sharp around the edges. You could probably throw this at something and hurt it fairly badly
29	Really Really Sticky Spider Web		Inventory - Combine	This is like a really sticky spider web, only even stickier. Still smells like spiders, though.
28	Really Sticky Spider Web		Inventory - Combine	This is like a spider web, only even stickier.
1050	Red Paisley Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a red paisley pattern. The pattern is at once soothing and infuriating.
461	Red Pixel		The 8-Bit Realm	This strange object appears to be a red dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Mysterious.
464	Red Pixel Potion	Combat/Usable Item	The Crackpot Mystic's Shed	This is a digitized potion. It's red. That probably means it'll restore HP.
1051	Red Plastic Oyster Egg	Combat Item	Oyster Day	This is a red plastic imitation oyster egg. Did you ever notice how there really just aren't that many jokes you can make about things being made of plastic?
1049	Red Polka-Dot Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with red polka dots. Just like a Communist accordion player with the measles
1048	Red Striped Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with red stripes. Hooray, egg! Boo, tea.
523	Rewinged Stab Bat	Familiar	Inventory - Combine	This is a fully rewinged dewinged stab bat. Have you heard my new band, The Joke That Got Repeated Until It Wasn't Funny Anymore?
665	Richard's Star Key		Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a key made of stars and lines. It pulses in a complex, syncopated rhythm.
586	Ridiculously Huge Sword	Weapon	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This sword is the size of a cricket bat and looks about as sharp as your thumb, but somehow it does a whole lot of damage.
835	Ring Of Aggravate Monster	Accessory	The Dungeons Of Doom	This is a ring that makes monsters angry at you. Er, I suppose ?angrier? would be a better word, since monsters are already pretty angry at you.
286	Ring Of Half-Assed Regeneration	Accessory	The Daily Dungeon	When you're wearing this ring, you'll slowly heal over time. Sort of.
708	Ring Setting		Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	This is a ring that makes monsters angry at you. Er, I suppose ?angrier? would be a better word, since monsters are already pretty angry at you.
50	Rock and Roll Legend	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This accordion rocks. Enough said.
906	Rock Pops	Usable	Halloween	This ?candy? looks to be a handful of gravel, infused with gaseous vapors and coated in sugar. Guaranteed to be as good for your teeth as it is your digestive tract.
797	Rockin' Wagon	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of rum, cola, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
679	Roll In The Hay	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of whiskey, cola, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
400	Roll Of Drink Tickets	Usable	The Orcish Frat House (In Disguise)	This is a roll of tickets, each of which is good for one free drink at The Orcish Frat House.
873	Rolling Pin	Usable	The Bugbear Bakery	This is a rolling pin. This thing looks like it'd be perfect for turning mass quantities of dough into mass quantities of flat dough.
830	Royal Jelly	Food	The Dungeons Of Doom	This is a lump of royal jelly. It's like grape jelly, only instead of purple, it's royal blue.
292	Rubber Axe	Weapon	The Daily Dungeon	This is an axe made of rubber. It's surprisingly heavy. You could use it to cleave someone's skull, or to axe someone something.
468	Ruby W		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a giant ruby in the shape of the letter W. That's... weird...
789	Rum and Cola	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a refreshing cocktail made out of rum and cola (big surprise, eh?) Some people call this a Cuba Libre, but then the bartender says ?a what?? and they're forced to look at their feet and say ?a rum and cola.? Then the bartender laughs at them, and probably sleeps with their girlfriend.
82	Rusty L-Shaped Piece Of Metal		The Haiku Dungeon	This is a rusty piece of metal, shaped like an L. The name of the item pretty much entirely describes it.
454	Rusty Screwdriver (Once Only)		Degrassi Knoll	This is a rusty old screwdriver. Perhaps it once belonged to somebody named Rusty. Or perhaps not. The Untinker would probably be pretty pleased if you took this back to him.
609	S.O.C.K (Once Only)		The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is the Sub-Orbital Conveyance of the Kingdom, which is a fancy-schmancy way of saying it's a small boat for traveling in the lower atmosphere. Which is a fancy way of saying it... moves... through... sky.
334	Sabre Teeth	Weapon	The Goatlet	These are a couple of sabre teeth. They're big, nasty, and pointy.
335	Sabre-Toothed Lime Cub	Familiar	Inventory - Combine	This is a baby sabre-toothed lime.
416	Safarrri Hat	Hat	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a hat which certain pirates wear when they go on safari. They also wear them back at the gentlemens' club when they go on and on about what happened to them on their safari.
248	Salty Dog	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a delicious glass of gin and juice, with salt around the rim.
843	Salty Slug	Booze	Blown Up Bartender	This is a glass of gin, juice, and some shiny goo, on the origin of which you'd rather not speculate. Please give that sentence some respect -- it had to work very hard not to end with a preposition. Also the second one, for not splitting its infinitive.
1022	Sangria	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is sangria. It's like blood, except instead of plasma it has wine, and instead of blood cells it has bits of cherry. But other than that, it's exactly like blood.
1025	Sangria Del Diablo	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a delicious cocktail made of sangria, with a little extra kick. When you drink this, you might not be runnin' with the devil, but at least you'll be drinkin' with him.
580	Sauce Of The Ages		Inventory - Cook	Daddy would you like some Sauceoftheages? Daddy would you like some Sauce of the Ages?
7	Saucepan	Weapon	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a saucepan, which can be used to beat something about the head and neck. Unless that something doesn't have a head and/or a neck, in which case it could be used to beat it about whatever passes for a head and neck in its particular case.
324	Sausage Pizza	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a pizza with big chunks of sausage on it. Mmmmm.
250	Screwdriver	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is your basic screwdriver. If you'd made it with Milk of Magnesia instead of orange juice, it'd be a Phillips Screwdriver.
595	Scroll Of Drastic Healing	Usable	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This scroll contains the incantations necessary to heal you right up to your maximum HP. It's printed on really nice paper, too.
780	Scroll Of Pasta Summoning (Retired)	Usable	The Icy Peak	This is a scroll used by the Penguin Mafia Pasta Chefs when they need to whip up some delicious pasta in a big hurry. Or some big pasta in a delicious hurry. More often the former than the latter.
4	Scroll Of Turtle Summoning	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a scroll which, when read, summons turtles to do the bidding of the reader.
346	Scrumptious Reagent		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a substance with mystical properties which allow it to combine with many food items to make a variety of sauces and salves. It can only be used by powerful Saucerors.
2	Seal Tooth	Usable	The Sewer	This is the tooth from a baby seal. It's like a smaller version of the tooth from an adult seal.
1	Seal-Clubbing Club	Weapon	The Sewer	This is a club used to club seals. You could probably club other things with it, too.
31	Seal-Toothed Rock		Inventory - Combine	This is a big rock with a seal's tooth fastened to it.
205	Secret Blend Of Herbs and Spices		The Hippy Camp (In Disguise)	This is a secret blend of herbs and spices. It's the kind of thing that's probably been in somebody's family for generations.
911	Senior Mints	Usable	Halloween	Let me tell ya, young'un, back in my day these were the only candies we could get. None of your fancy Sugar Bombs, or the Holy Crap, This is Sours -- this was all we had. And we liked it!
745	Serrated Proboscis Extension	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
922	Severed Rocking Horse Head (Retired)	Accessory	Uncle P's Antiques - Back Room (Retired)	This is a wooden horse head that seems to have been brutally severed from a wooden rocking horse. What kind of sicko would do this to a defenseless inanimate object? And why would they send it to you? And why would they bother gluing a safety pin to it so you could wear it on your lapel?
866	Shaving Creme	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	This is a can of shaving cream once used by lumberjacks. It has a variety of uses. Well, at least two. Or maybe just one.
199	Shiny Ring (Once Only)	Accessory	The Typical Tavern	This is a ring which is both shiny and magical.
856	Shock Collar	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	What y'all wanna do? Wanna be ballers, shock collars, brawlers? I didn't think so. But this collar ought to make your stab-bat a little better behaved. Er, more well behaved. Weller behaved?
1148	Shot Of Flower Schnapps	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a shot of schnapps made from flowers. It's sort of like wine made from dandelions, only it won't bore you to death.
254	Shot Of Grapefruit Schnapps	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a shot of fermented grapefruit juice. It's not just for breakfast anymore!
253	Shot Of Orange Schnapps	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a shot of fermented orange juice. You could probably drink 50 of these. No, wait, no you couldn't.
256	Shot Of Tomato Schnapps	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a shot of fermented tomato juice. You can think of nastier things than this, but you can't think of many.
742	Shroomkabob	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a Knoll mushroom cooked on a skewer. It smells much better than an uncooked Knoll mushroom, though that isn't saying much. Y'know, for a sentence that wasn't saying much, that sentence certainly had the word ?much? in it a bunch of times. Or twice.
961	Silk Garter Snake (Retired)	Familiar	The Mr. Store	This is an adorable pink silk garter snake. If only there was a naive naked couple around to whom it could offer a pink silk apple.
410	Sk8board	Accessory	The eXtreme Slope	This is a rad sk8board. You could kick ass much faster on this.
163	Skeleton Bone	Weapon	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a bone from a skeleton. As opposed to all of those other kinds of bones.
642	Skeleton Key		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a generic key made of skeleton parts. It looks like just the thing for dungeon doors.
643	Skeleton Key Ring	Usable	The Daily Dungeon	This is a ring full of skeleton keys.
165	Skewer		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a simple wooden skewer. You could probably cook stuff on it.
863	Skewer Mounted Razor Blade	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a razor blade designed specifically for attachment to the skewer of a ghost pickle on a stick. While wearing this, the pickle's eye-poking power takes on a much more... wince-inducing quality. Skull Of The Bonerdagon:
503	Skewered Cat Appendix	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a delicious cat appendix cooked on a skewer. A delicious skewer. Actually, I was just kidding. The skewer isn't delicious.
947	Skewered Cherry		Inventory - Cocktail	This is a big fat cherry with a sword stuck through it.
945	Skewered Jumbo Olive		Inventory - Cocktail	This is a jumbo olive that has been sworded.
946	Skewered Lime		Inventory - Cocktail	This is a lime with a sword through it. Or a sword through a lime, depending on which part of it you want to focus on.
675	Skull Of The Bonerdagon (Once Only)		The Haert Of The Cyrpt	This is the skull that was once attached to the neck of the bonerdagon. The Council would probably be interested in seeing this.
680	Slap and Tickle	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of gin, grapefruit juice, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
59	Slingshot	Ranged Weapon	The Demon Market	This is a fairly straightforward slingshot. You can use it to shoot rocks at things, or presumably to shoot things at rocks, provided that the things are relatively small.
681	Slip 'N' Slide	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of vodka, orange juice, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
831	Small Box	Usable	The Dungeons Of Doom	This is a small box. It more than likely contains a some things. Not too many things, though, because as you remember, this box is pretty small.
939	Small Crimbo Pressie (Retired)	Usable	Crimbo 2004	This is a small box with a bow on it. What could be inside? 'Tis the season to find out.
164	Smart Skull	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a skull with glasses. It would probably be pretty smart, if only it wasn't empty.
900	Smile Sharpening Stone	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a small whetstone used by Cheshire Bats to sharpen their smiles, and to whet their appetites.
822	Smoky Potion	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
485	Snakehead Charrrm		The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This charrrm looks like the head of a snake, which is why it's called a Snakehead Charrrm. I mean, it wouldn't make any sense to call it a Moosehead Charrrm, now, would it?
290	Sneaky Pete's Breath Spray	Accessory	The Daily Dungeon	This is a can of breath spray once carried by Sneaky Pete, the most Moxious of the Thieves of the Times of Old. Some of his Moxie must've rubbed off on it.
284	Sneaky Pete's Key		The Daily Dungeon	This is the key to the Shrine of Sneaky Pete, in the Big Mountains.
512	Sneaky Pete's Key Lime		Inventory - Cook	This is a lime, with Sneaky Pete's Key baked into it.
515	Sneaky Pete's Key Lime Pie	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a key lime pie with the essence of Sneaky Pete baked into it. It oozes with flavor and Moxie.
33	Snorkel	Hat	The Demon Market	This is a snorkel. For the purposes of this game, you can use it to breathe underwater.
356	Snowboarder Pants	Pants	The eXtreme Slope	This is a pair of pants which has somehow learned how to snowboard.
453	Sober Pill (Retired)	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a pill which will render you sober. So you can start drinking again. Lush.
1003	Soda Water	Usable	The Demon Market	This is a single-serving bottle of soda water. It's like a single serving of water with a single serving of carbon dioxide infused into it.
588	Soft Green Echo Eyedrop Antidote	Usable	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a vial filled with a remarkably versatile liquid. It will fix just about anything that could be wrong with you.
697	Soggy Wofl T-Shirt	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
563	Sonar-In-A-Biscuit	Combat/Usable Item	The Guano Junction	This is one of those flavored crackers, but it appears to be flavored with piercing waves of high-pitched sound. It's incredible, and inedible.
67	Spaghetti With Rock Balls		Inventory - Combine	This is some spaghetti, into which has been crumbled a huge rock.It doesn't look appetizing, but it looks dangerous.
584	Spaghetti With Skullheads	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a bowl of spaghetti swimming with smallish skull-shaped sausage chunks. It looks as good as it smells, and, inexplicably, looks as well as it smells, too.
545	Spam Witch Sammich	Food	The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	This is a sandwich made by a Spam Witch. You know why Spam Witches can't starve if they're at the beach? Because they can always eat the sand which is there.
903	Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne (Retired)	Booze	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a bottle of fine Champagne, straight from the carbonated vineyards of the Old Country. This would be a perfect thing to have at brunch, if you were the kind of person who had brunch. Here's hoping you're not, though, and that you'll just lay in an alley somewhere and swill it straight out of the bottle.
531	Special Sauce Glove	Accessory	Gouda's Grimoire And Grocery	This is a glove which has been imbued with Special Sauce. It could be used to protect you from the damaging effects of cold beverages, but it'd be better if you used it to wield your staff against, oh, I dunno. Some Rodeo Clowns or something.
764	Spectral Pickle	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a ghostly pickle. If you were inside this, you might say ?I'm in a ghostly pickle!? You might also say that if you were in some sort of difficult situation involving ghosts.
931	Spiced Rum	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is some rum infused with spices. The stench of it reminds you of traffic, crowded stores, and fighting with your family. Oh, I mean, the smell of it reminds you of the holidays. In a good way
8	Spices	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a can of secret and mysterious spices. It could be used to give something a secret and/or mysterious flavor.
315	Spicy Bean Burrito	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a bean burrito which has been kicked up a notch. BAM!
318	Spicy Enchanted Bean Burrito	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is an enchanted bean burrito which has been kicked up a notch. BAM!
750	Spicy Mushroom Quesadilla	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
17	Spicy Noodles	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a bowl of noodles, which has been cooked with spices. The spices make the noodles spicier.
27	Spider Web	Combat Item	The Sleazy Back Alley	This is the web from a spider. It's sort of sticky, and it smells like spiders.
668	Spiked Femur	Weapon	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a human femur with a number of bony spikes protruding from it.
952	Spooky Hockey Mask	Hat	Campground	This is a hockey mask, of the really, really spooky variety. Most hockey masks make you think ?Oh, hey, there must be a goalie behind that!? This one, on the other hand, makes you think ?Oh, hey, I should run, run, run, run, run, run, run away. From that psycho killer.?
724	Spooky Mushroom	Food	The Spooky Forest	This is a mushroom found in the dark copses of The Spooky Forest. The cap looks sort of like a skull. Which makes the stem look sort of like a neck. A really long neck. Speaking of spooky mushrooms, you know what's spookier than a spooky mushroom? An entire spooky mushhouse!
408	Spooky Pirate Skeleton	Familiar	Inventory - Combine	This is a spooky pirate skeleton. It doesn't look very comfortable. To sit on, I mean, It's all bony and would probably injure your booty.
75	Spooky Sapling	Usable	The Spooky Forest	This is a sapling from The Spooky Forest. It twitches with magicalness. You can feel it trying to grow larger.
104	Spooky Scarecrow	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a scarecrow made out of a Spooky Skull, a Spooky Stick, and some stakes. The stakes are decidedly non-spooky.
102	Spooky Shrunken Head		The Spooky Forest	This shrunken head is spooky, man. It's like it's grinning and staring at you.
103	Spooky Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is a staff made out of a spooky stick and a spooky shrunken head. The overall effect is... spooky.
77	Spooky Stick	Weapon	The Spooky Forest	This is a stick from a tree in The Spooky Forest. It's pretty heavy. You could probably whack some stuff with it pretty effectively.
805	Spooky Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a delectable-looking stir-fry of seasoned spooky mushrooms. It smells tasty. Spoooookily tasty.
74	Spooky Temple Map	Usable	The Spooky Forest	This is a map which tells you how to get to the Spooky Temple, deep within The Spooky Forest.
76	Spooky-Gro Fertilizer	Usable	The Spooky Forest	This is a can of fertilizer spray. It radiates a faint magical aura. It's funny how many things radiate a faint magical aura.
768	Spork	Weapon	The Limerick Dungeon	This is a spork, which is a plastic implement combining the properties of both a spoon and a fork. While you might think that would result in a fork with big, flat, dull prongs, you'd be wrong -- that object would actually be a foon.
530	Spray Paint	Usable	The Demon Market	This is a can of spray paint which has been enchanted to change colors in response to the will of the sprayer. It'd be good for tagging things.
118	Spring		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a spring. Springy!
119	Sprocket		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a sprocket. Sprockety!
121	Sprocket Assembly		Inventory - Combine	This assembly is made out of a sprocket and a spring.
560	Stalk Of Asparagus	Food	The Haunted Pantry	This is a stalk of cooked asparagus. Looks awfully tasty.
654	Star		The Hole In The Sky	This is a tiny piece of a constellation. Funny. You always thought that stars were bigger, and further away.
662	Star Buckler	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a buckler made of stars and lines. You have a feeling that if this thing goes unchecked, there will eventually be one on every corner.
656	Star Chart		The Hole In The Sky	This chart is a device used by astronomers for deciding that a random cluster of stars actually looks like something.
658	Star Crossbow	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a crossbow made of stars and lines. If you were the female element of a pair of star-crossed lovers, you could give this star crossbow to your star-crossed beau. If not, you can just shoot stuff with it. Hey! Shooting stars!
661	Star Hat	Hat	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a hat made out of stars and lines. It looks sort of like a wizard's hat, except the stars are woven into it instead of printed on it.
660	Star Pants	Pants	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a pair of pants made out of stars and lines. They're both light and light-emitting.
659	Star Staff	Weapon	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This staff is made of stars and lines. It looks sort of like a shepherd's crook, but you're no shepherd, as is evidenced by the fact that you'd rather use this staff to smite your enemies than to... er... do whatever it is shepherds do with their crooks.
664	Star Starfish	Familiar	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a smallish starfish made out of stars and lines. Kurt Vonnegut would probably enjoy having this thing as a pet.
657	Star Sword	Weapon	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a sword made of dots and lines. Just a sword made of dots and lines.
663	Star Throwing Star	Combat Item	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a throwing star made out of stars and lines. It's like, fractal, man.
746	Stat Script	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a scroll which contains a sequence of incomprehensible characters, organized in sets of curly braces.
666	Steaming Evil (Retired)	Weapon	The Hermit's Laboratory	This is a fist-sized chunk of pure evil, stolen from the Hermit's secret underground laboratory.
128	Sticky Meat Pants	Pants	Inventory - Smith	This is one sticky pair of meat pants. Stylish, man. Stylish.
757	Stinky Mushroom		Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
11	Stolen Accordion	Ranged Weapon	The Sewer	This is an accordion, which you stole from someone, you big jerk.
53	Stone Banjo	Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is a banjo made out of a big rock. You'd think it'd be easy to come up with a clever way to describe this, but you'd be wrong.
144	Stone Of eXtreme Power (Retired)		The Distant Lands Dude Ranch Vacation	This stone is very magical. Shiny, too!
738	Stone Tablet (Really Evil Rhythm) (Once Only)		The Perplexing Door	This is a stone tablet with the words ?Really Evil Rhythm? carved into the top. The rest of the tablet contains a few bars of a rhythm line.
736	Stone Tablet (Sinister Strumming) (Once Only)		The Perplexing Door	This is a stone tablet with the words ?Sinister Strumming? carved into the top. This is followed by what appears to be a few lines of guitar tablature.
737	Stone Tablet (Squeezings Of Woe) (Once Only)		The Perplexing Door	This is a stone tablet with the words ?Squeezings of Woe? carved into the top, followed by a few bars of what looks like accordion music.
520	Strange Leaflet (Once Only)		The Council Of Loathing	This is a strange leaflet that arrived at the Council of Loathing with your name on it. The return address reads: The Frobozz Magic Leaflet Company Next To The Lighthouse Festeron, Antharia, 23-52-1
786	Strawberry	Food	The Hippy Store	This is a plump, juicy strawberry. Jumpin' Pluicy, that's plump 'n' juicy!
788	Strawberry Daiquiri	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made of rum and strawberries. These things are primarily consumed by women, and by men who are too much like women to drink real booze.
1014	Strawberry Wine	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a glass of strawberry wine, like the kind all the high school girls drink out behind Old Man Boone's barn.
1043	String Of Blue Beads	Accessory	St. Sneaky Pete's Day	This is a cheap necklace made out of blue plastic beads. Perhaps you could give it to someone in exchange for something. Y'know, just... something.
1044	String Of Green Beads	Accessory	St. Sneaky Pete's Day	This is a cheap necklace made out of green plastic beads. Perhaps you could give it to someone in exchange for something. Y'know, just... something.
1042	String Of Red Beads	Accessory	St. Sneaky Pete's Day	This is a cheap necklace made out of red plastic beads. Perhaps you could give it to someone in exchange for something. Y'know, just... something.
15	Strongness Elixir	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	When consumed, this elixir increases your Strongness.
22	Studded Leather Boxer Shorts	Pants	The Demon Market	This is a pair of studded leather boxer shorts. There are studs on the outside -- is there one on the inside?
403	Stuffed Shoulder Parrot	Accessory	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a stuffed parrot with a strap for mounting it on your shoulder. Ahoy, matey.
743	Stuffed Spooky Mushroom	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a spooky mushroom stuffed with goat cheese. It looks really good. Looking at it leads you to believe that it would also taste really good. Smelling it -- oh yeah.
1117	Stupid University Diploma (Jick)		Jick	This certificate proves that the recipient was educated stupid at Stupid University. Rest assured he has the kind of stupid education only evil educators can provide.
854	Sucky Decal	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	It's been said that nothing in the Kingdom sucks harder than the Barrnacle, but that's not quite true. Nothing sucks harder than a barrnacle equipped with this sucky sticker. Or sticky sucker. Whichever. Sunken Chest:
405	Sunken Chest	Usable	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	This is a sunken chest, ostensibly full of pirate booty. It appears to be sealed pretty securely.
279	Suntan Lotion Of Moxiousness	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a bottle of enchanted suntan lotion. It will increase your Moxie by giving you an attractive, even tan, with no burning.
587	Super-Spikey Hair Gel	Usable	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This hair fixative looks like it'd be good for making unbelievably spikey hair.
778	Support Cummerbund (Retired)	Accessory	The Icy Peak	This is a cummerbund formerly worn by a Mob Penguin Soprano. It'll give you the support you need to hit those high notes. You're not sure if it does so by uttering soothing phrases of encouragement, or by preventing you from getting a hernia.
402	Swashbuckling Pants	Pants	The Obligatory Pirate's Cove	These are the sort of pants worn by a swashbuckler. If you need some swashes buckled, or maybe some buckles swashed, look no further than whoever's wearing these pants. Unless it's you, because you have no idea how to do either of those things.
21	Sweet Ninja Sword	Weapon	Multiple, Format Coming	Dude, that is one sweet ninja sword. Where'd you get it, man?
135	Sweet Rims		The Hermitage	Man. Check out the chrome on those babies. Those are some sweet rims.
820	Swirly Potion	Usable	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
89	Sword Hilt		The Meatsmith	This is the hilt of a sword. Well, it's not the hilt of a sword yet, but it will be once you make a sword using it.
86	T-Bone Key	Usable	Inventory - Combine	This is a key shaped like a T. It's made out of two things which were shaped like Ls.
359	T8r Tots	Food	The eXtreme Slope	These are crunchy and delicious t8r snacks, filled with eXtreme carbohydr8s.
173	Taco Shell		Multiple, Format Coming	This is a crispy taco shell. You could probably fill it with something and cook it to make a tasty taco. And by ?probably,? I mean"definitely." "174
486	Talisman O'Nam	Accessory	Inventory - Combine	This unwieldily-named tchotchke resembles a snake head eating the head on the opposite side.
877	Talisman Of Baio	Accessory	The Spooky Forest	This is an amulet that contains the purified essence of the Baiowulf. The container is, unsurprisingly, shaped like the face of Scott Baio. The faces of Ronald and Grimace are reflected in its beady little eyes.
297	Tamarind-Flavored Chewing Gum	Usable	South Of The Border	You're not even sure this stuff *is* chewing gum. It's got a hard sugar coating over a wee tiny bit of some mildly squishy substance. You're not convinced that being chewy and gummy automatically make something chewing gum. I mean, pencil erasers fall into that category. Except for the sugar part.
740	Tambourine	Combat/Usable Item	Inventory - Combine	This is a tambourine. Shaking this will make a horrible noise, which could be used to provide the rhythm line for some stupid hippy music.
739	Tambourine Bells		The Hippy Camp	These are tiny bells that could probably be used to make a tambourine.
1115	Tasket		The Untinker	This is a green tasket. What's a tasket, you ask? I don't know, I reply.
771	Tassel		The Limerick Dungeon	This is a tassel, taken from a vassal. Perhaps he lived in a castle.
540	Tasty Fun Good Rice Candy	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	For good health and sparkling happy time!
24	Ten-Leaf Clover	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	Man. This has got to be just about the luckiest thing you've ever seen.
338	Tenderizing Hammer	Crafting Item	The Meatsmith	This is a meat tenderizing hammer, used in the craft of Meatsmithing.
1012	Tequila Sunrise	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is another tequila sunrise. You're not sure where the first one went.
1021	Tequila With Training Wheels	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is one of the legendary colanders from the kitchen of Em-er'il, the founder of the Guild of Pastamancers.Its kung-fu is strong.
152	The Colander Of Em-er'il (Once Only - Class Based)	Hat	The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave	This is one of the legendary colanders from the kitchen of Em-er'il, the founder of the Guild of Pastamancers.Its kung-fu is strong.
34	The Dolphin King's Crown (Once Only)	Hat	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is the crown that was worn by the Dolphin King before he was killed by tuna fishermen.
26	The Dolphin King's Map (Once Only)	Usable	The Haunted Pantry	This is a map given to you by the Dolphin King. He claimed that it leads to treasure. You're not sure if you trust him.
150	The Scalp Of Gorgolok (Once Only - Class Based)	Hat	The Dark and Dank and Sinister Cave	This is the scalp of Gorgolok, the Infernal Seal. It's got some of his teeth attached to it, too.Here's hoping it will do you more good than it did him.
598	The Slug Lord's Map (Once Only)	Usable	The Sleazy Back Alley	This is the map given to you by the ghost of the Slug Lord. He said something about it leading to pants.
620	Thin Black Candle	Usable	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	See the candle, thin and black, How like my soul, it's thin and black. In the darkness we shall meet, Miasma raining at my feet. So yeah, this candle is like crappy poetry.
872	Time Juice (Reitred - Eight Only)	Usable	The Council Of Loathing	This is a bottle of time. One adventure's worth of time, to be precise.
606	Tin Foil Immateria (Once Only)		The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a small sphere of the purified essense of tin foil. It's very shiny.
855	Tiny Balloon Knife	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This knife is as sharp as anything made out of a balloon can be. Which is to say, not at all sharp. But when wielded by a crazed inflatable simian, it's one of the deadlier balloon sculptures out there. Monkey knife-fight!
592	Tiny House	Usable	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a very small house, perfect for toting around.
859	Tiny Knife and Fork	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	Your ghuol whelp will be able to eat dead flesh much more efficiently with this miniature cutlery. Watching it dine will be no less nauseating, however.
1166	Tiny Maracas	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	These little movers and shakers should get your Sombrero doing a little moving and shaking of its own. Plus, think of all the jokes you can make about 'tiny maracas.'
968	Tiny Plastic Accordion Thief	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a fake plastic Accordion Thief dropping an accordion. Gravity always wins. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 2/32 (U)?
972	Tiny Plastic Angry Goat	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic angry goat. It seethes with tiny plastic fury. Playing tonight at the Cake-Shaped Arena, Tiny Plastic Fury! The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 10/32 (C)?
982	Tiny Plastic Baby Gravy Fairy	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic baby gravy fairy bustin' tiny plastic phat moves. While listening to The Plastics, probably. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 20/32 (C)?
976	Tiny Plastic Barrrnacle	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	Everyone's favorite familiar, lovingly rendered in plastic for maximum suckiness. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 14/32 (C)?
989	Tiny Plastic Bitchin' Meat Car	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic bitchin' meat car. VRRROOOOMMM!! Er, I mean, VRRROOOOMMM!! The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 27/32 (U)?
980	Tiny Plastic Blood-Faced Volleyball	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic blood-faced volleyball. Although it's probably just a red-paint-faced volleyball. You hope. It doesn't appear to be clotting. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 18/32 (C)?
991	Tiny Plastic Boris	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic figurine of Boris, tearing a tiny plastic phone book in half. He could be your hero; he is a mighty little man. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 29/32 (R)?
987	Tiny Plastic Cheshire Bat	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic cheshire bat. Fortunately, they sculpted the whole bat, and not just the grin. That would have looked like dentures for some tiny plastic old guy. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 25/32 (C)?
983	Tiny Plastic Cocoabo	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic cocoabo. Tiny Plastic LIMIT BREAK! The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 21/32 (C)?
988	Tiny Plastic Coffee Pixie	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic coffee pixie. It doesn't vibrate. Do not put it in your pocket. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 26/32 (C)?
967	Tiny Plastic Disco Bandit	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a fake plastic Disco Bandit. It used to do surgery for girls in the 80's. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 1/32 (U)?
974	Tiny Plastic Fuzzy Dice	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a set of tiny plastic fuzzy dice. Only they're not fuzzy, being made of hard plastic. So are they still fuzzy dice? Ponder that, young Padawan. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 12/32 (C)?
985	Tiny Plastic Ghost Pickle On A Stick	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic ghost pickle, skewered on a tiny plastic stick. It looks tiny plastic uncomfortable, truth be told. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 23/32 (C)?
981	Tiny Plastic Ghuol Whelp	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic ghuol whelp. It's munching on something that, due to the size, is thankfully unidentifiable. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 19/32 (C)?
979	Tiny Plastic Grue	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic grue. Basically, it's a blob of dark plastic -- which indicates darkness, not fuzz, thank you -- with two evil little glow-in-the-dark eyes. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 17/32 (C)?
990	Tiny Plastic Hermit	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic Hermit. No matter what anybody tells you, you can't kill him. He looks miffed that you don't have any tiny plastic trinkets for him. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 28/32 (U)?
977	Tiny Plastic Howling Balloon Monkey	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic howling balloon monkey. Congratulations, now you have a test subject for your tiny plastic medical experiments. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 15/32 (C)?
992	Tiny Plastic Jarlsberg	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is the great wizard Jarlsberg, rendered in plastic. He's probably fiddling with Tiny Plastic Things Tiny Plastic Men Were Not Meant To Know. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 30/32 (R)?
986	Tiny Plastic Killer Bee	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic killer bee. ?Ay, el gato malodoro! The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 24/32 (C)?
970	Tiny Plastic Leprechaun	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic leprechaun. If only you had a tiny plastic Jennifer Aniston for it to terrorize. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 8/32 (C)?
971	Tiny Plastic Levitating Potato	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	Everyone's second favorite familiar, rendered in shiny plastic. It kinda smells funny. You know, like a new mouse pad. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 9/32 (C)?
969	Tiny Plastic Mosquito	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic mosquito. It's either a really big tiny plastic mosquito, or it's out of scale. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 7/32 (C)?
965	Tiny Plastic Pastamancer	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a fake plastic Pastamancer. Mmm, that's-a tiny meatball! If it could be who you wanted? The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 5/32 (U)?
973	Tiny Plastic Sabre-Toothed Lime	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic sabre-toothed lime. If you had some tiny plastic vodka and tiny plastic tonic water, you could make a great choking hazard. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 11/32 (C)?
966	Tiny Plastic Sauceror	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a fake plastic Sauceror, conjuring a fake polystyrene Stream of Tartar Sauce. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 6/32 (U)?
963	Tiny Plastic Seal Clubber	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a fake plastic Seal Clubber, beating the hell out of a fake plastic seal. It looks like the real thing. The bottom of the base reads 'Series 1, 4/32 (U)'
993	Tiny Plastic Sneaky Pete	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic figurine of Sneaky Pete. He couldn't steal your pants at that size, but keep an eye on your loose change. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 31/32 (R)?
975	Tiny Plastic Spooky Pirate Skeleton	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic spooky pirate skeleton. It's pretty spooky, as far as petrolearrrm-based children's toys go. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 13/32 (C)?
978	Tiny Plastic Stab Bat	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic stab bat. In addition to being a choking hazard, it's also wicked sharp. Don't put it in your pocket if you don't want to change religions. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 16/32 (C)?
984	Tiny Plastic Star Starfish	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a tiny plastic star starfish. Bar of chocolate and bowl of cereal sold seperately. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 22/32 (C)?
994	Tiny Plastic Suzie	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a little figurine of Loathing's most eligible bachelorette, Susie. Or, it's at least a figurine of her torso glued to a figurine of a podium. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 32/32 (R)?
938	Tiny Plastic Sword (Reitred)	Weapon	Crimbo 2004	This is a tiny plastic sword, like the ones they use to skewer pieces of fruit to put in elaborate cocktails. It's also like the ones tiny plastic knights use to slay small plastic dragons.
964	Tiny Plastic Turtle Tamer	Accessory	Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a fake plastic Turtle Tamer, forcing a fake plastic turtle to jump through a fake plastic hoop. It wears you out. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 3/32 (U)?
852	Tiny Shaker Of Salt	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	All is well in Margaritaville now that you've found this. With this equipped, your sabre-toothed lime will be able to rub salt in your enemies' wounds, both figuratively and literally.
136	Tires		Degrassi Knoll	These are some tires you got from a Gnollish Tirejuggler. They're too big to juggle, but maybe you could find some other use for them?
1114	Tisket		The Untinker	This is a yellow tisket. You're not even a little bit sure what a tisket is.
605	Tissue Paper Immateria (Once Only)		The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is a small sphere of the purified essense of tissue paper. It's very light.
596	Titanium Assault Umbrella	Weapon	The Penultimate Fantasy Airship	This is an extremely sharp, extremely heavy umbrella, which is obviously designed to be used as a weapon. You could poke people with the tip, I guess, or maybe open the umbrella in their faces to freak them out.
641	Toast	Food	Campground	This is a simple piece of toast. No cheese, no cinnamon, none of whatever might make it French, just toast.
225	Tofu Casserole	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a casserole made out of tofu. There are very few things out of which a more disgusting casserole can be made.
816	Tofu Chow Mein	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a big bowl of everything that makes a hippy happy - vegetables, tofu, and noodles. All it's missing is a VW microbus and the reanimated corpse of Jerry Garcia.
811	Tofu Stir-Fry	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a stir-fry made with tofu. Oh, boy! Nothing improves a stir-fry like friggin' tofu!
246	Tomato	Food	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a tomato. If you're anything like me, you probably don't like tomatoes. If you're anything like Dan Quayle, you probably can't spell ?tomatoes.?
841	Tomato Daiquiri	Booze	Blown Up Bartender	This is a drink made out of rum and... tomatoes? Bleargh. Who in their right mind would ever mix those two things?
423	Tomato Smoothie	Usable	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a smoothie, and it's made of tomatoes. That's why they call it a tomato smoothie. It'll make you smooth. As smooth as silk. Smoother, actually, but it has the curious side effect of making you exactly as Magical as you were Moxious before you drank it.
18	Tortoise's Blessing		Inventory - Use Specific Item	This is a blessing received form a giant sea tortoise. You're not quite sure what it's for.
1046	Traffic Cone (Once Only)	Hat	St. Sneaky Pete's Day	This is a big cone of bright orange plastic. You have no recollection of how or where you got it, but it's like I always say -- it's not a good night unless you end up with a traffic cone!
543	Trollhouse Cookies	Food	The Valley Beyond The Orc Chasm	These are similar to those cookies that are made by elves who live in a tree, except these are made by trolls who live in a septic tank.
58	Turtle Factory		Inventory - Combine	This is a big rock with a hole in it. From the hole in the rock, there pours an endless stream of tiny, angry snapping turtles.This is one of the weirdest things you've ever seen.
60	Turtleslinger	Ranged Weapon	Inventory - Combine	This is a slingshot which fires an endless stream of tiny, angry snapping turtles.This weapon is as terrifying as it is impractical.
215	Uncle Jick's Brownie Mix		The Hippy Camp	This is a box of Uncle Jick's Brownie Mix. Hippies sure seem to use a lot of this stuff.
175	Uncooked Chorizo	Food	Fernswarthy's Tower	This is chorizo -- spicy ground pork. It's not cooked yet.
874	Unrolling Pin	Usable	The Bugbear Bakery	This is an unrolling pin. This thing looks like it'd be perfect for turning mass quantities of flat dough into mass quantities of regular old wads of dough.
837	Uovo Marcio Shiraz (Retired)	Booze	Uncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)	This is a bottle of red, red wine, straight from the vineyards of Old Country. A lot of this stuff made its way into the Kingdom by way of Mob Penguin immigrants. Some people pronounce it shur-ahhs, and some people pronounce it shur-az. Still others pronounce it ?jasmine,? but I think we can all agree that those people are insane.
1026	Valentine (Retired)		The Demon Market	This is a valentine. It'll allow you to send (in a normal message) one of several pictures and Valentine's day poems to your sweetheart. Or to somebody else. Who will then become your sweetheart. Or to somebody else who won't then become your sweetheart.
139	Valuable Trinket		The Tropical Paradise Island Getaway	This is a poorly made little trinket, but since it comes from Distant Lands, it's pretty valuable here.
962	Velvet Choker	Familiar Equipment	The Cake-Shaped Arena	This is a black velvet choker for your feathery pink choker. Because, y'know, it strangles things. Got it? Well, don't give it to anybody else.
1023	Vesper	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a dry vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred.
409	Vial Of Patchouli Oil	Combat Item	The Hippy Camp (In Disguise)	This is a vial of the nastiest-smelling substance known to man -- essential oil of patchouli. You might say it's the vilest vial of all the vile vials you've ever reviled. But if you said that, somebody would probably slap you for not being funny.
37	Viking Helmet	Hat	The Outskirts Of Cobb's Knob	You've been viking again, haven't you? I can tell by your helmet.
760	Vinegar		The Spectral Pickle Factory	This is a small bottle of vinegar, the stuff that runs through the veins of the dreaded vine gar.
673	Vodka and Cranberry	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made with vodka and cranberry juice. Rubbing alcohol and chalk -- two great tastes that taste great together!
1009	Vodka Martini	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is your basic vodka martini. Vodka and an olive.
527	Volleyball	Usable	The Hermitage	This is an ordinary volleyball. It could be used to play a game of volleyball, I guess.
769	Voodoo Doll (Unimplemented)	Accessory	Unimplemented	This doll reminds you of a babe. What babe? The babe with the power. What power? Look, I'm getting sick of all these questions, okay? I'm not the one on trial here!
833	Vorpal Blade	Weapon	The Dungeons Of Doom	One two, one two, and through and through -- this is the kind of blade that you'd imagine would feel right at home going ?snicker-snack.?
623	WA		Inventory - Combine	This is a wa. Wa wa wa.
159	Wad Of Dough	Usable	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a wad of dough. It's hard to describe it in much more detail than that.
209	Wad Of Tofu		The Hippy Camp	This is a wad of tofu. It would be like meat, if it were at all like meat.
285	Walrus-Tusk Earring	Accessory	The Daily Dungeon	This is an earring made out of the tusk of a walrus. It's very heavy, and would probably stretch your ear out if you tried to wear it.
626	Wand Of Nagamar		Inventory - Combine	This wand radiates powerful magic. It's long, thin, and adorned with a constantly shifting pattern of letters.
625	Wang		Inventory - Combine	This is a big Wang. Word processor. You'll find its spellcheck to be useful when chatting with the other citizens of Loathing.
891	Warehouse 23 Bling (Jick)	Accessory	Jick	This shining golden amulet was presented to the members of Warehouse 23 by the chairman of the Kingdom of Loathing chapter of the Illuminati. Which doesn't really exist. Seriously. Stop looking.
749	Warm Mushroom	Unknown	Doesn't Exist, Not Acquirable	N/A
621	Warm Subject Gift Certificate	Usable	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	In the dark and torpid miasma. White as bone and red as plasma. Black as the rain that soaks my soul. Consumer lust fills the gaping hole. Yup. This is a gift certificate to Loathing's most popular store for trendy depressed people: Warm Subject. Rubber bondage pants for everybody!
1027	Whip Kit		The Meatsmith	If you want to make a whip, you must whip kit. Which is to say you must purchase a whip kit. And be a properly trained Seal Clubber. Not as simple as you imagined, eh?
557	Whiskey and Cola	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	There are some who refer to this drink as a Whiscola, but we're not going to count ourselves in that number.
1010	Whiskey and Soda	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made with whiskey and soda water. The soda water adds delicious fizz to the already delicious whiskey, resulting in a sparkling booze sensation! Er, at least that's what the commercials say.
674	Whiskey Sour	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a drink made with whiskey and lemon juice. Think about how sour it is. Now think about how whiskey it is. Now think about how sour it is.
331	White Canadian	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a delicious drink made of vodka and goat's milk.
261	White Castle Burger	Food	Whitey's Grove	This is a tiny White Castle hamburger. It looks greasy and delicious.
260	White Castle Fries	Food	Whitey's Grove	White Castle fries only come in one size.
958	White Chocolate and Tomato Pizza	Food	Blown Up Chef	These are cookies made with delicious white chocolate chips. Just thinking about these makes your mouth water.
264	White Chocolate Chip Cookies	Food	Inventory - Cook	This is a handful of white chocolate chips. These are so much better than regular chocolate chips that words cannot even describe them.
263	White Chocolate Chips	Food	Whitey's Grove	This is a jar of moonshine. It smells like hillbillies and turpentine.
266	White Lightning	Booze	Whitey's Grove	This is a white picket fence. This would look just perfect at your campsite.
270	White Picket Fence	Usable	Whitey's Grove	This strange object appears to be a white dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Curious.
459	White Pixel		Multiple, Format Coming	Pants of white satin, never reaching the end. Oh, how you love them.
265	White Satin Pants	Pants	Whitey's Grove	This is a white sword. It's like an ordinary sword, only white. Ordinary swords are not white.
269	White Sword	Weapon	Whitey's Grove	This is the skin from a whitesnake. Rock on.
259	Whitesnake Skin		Whitey's Grove	This is a set of metal windchimes.
212	Windchimes	Usable	The Hippy Camp	This is a set of metal windchimes.
1015	Wine Spritzer	Booze	Inventory - Cocktail	This is a wine spritzer. Wine spritzer!? I hardly know her!
909	Wint-O-Fresh Mint	Usable	Halloween	This is a small breath mint. It's shaped like one of those round things they have on boats. Y'know, those... things. What do you call those things? Eh, it doesn't matter.
633	Wolf Mask	Hat	The Castle In The Clouds In The Sky	When you put this mask on, you feel as if you've finally discovered the real you, the you that no one else can see. You are a wolf, deep inside. Well, actually you're not.
46	Wooden Figurine		The Hermitage	This is a like a wooden figure, only smaller.
71	Wooden Stakes	Weapon	The Spooky Forest	These are some wooden stakes. They could probably be used for slaying a number of vampires. Or perhaps for other things.
44	Worthless Gewgaw		Multiple, Format Coming	You're not quite sure what this is, but you're sure it has no value.
45	Worthless Knick-Knack		Multiple, Format Coming	You're not quite sure what this is, but you're sure it has no value.
43	Worthless Trinket		Multiple, Format Coming	You're not quite sure what this is, but you're sure it has no value.
645	Wrapping Paper (Retired)		Crimbo 2003	This is a torn up sheet of wrapping paper. It has Crimbo patterns on it. Which is sort of like a cross between Houndstooth and Gingham. And Plaid.
421	Wrath Serum	Usable	Inventory - Cook	This serum will make you wrathful. Drink it. Become vengeance, man. Become wrath.
469	Wussiness Potion	Combat/Usable Item	Multiple, Format Coming	This is a potion which will make you feel weaker. In case you ever need to feel weaker, for some reason.
1002	Xlyinia's Notebook (Jick)	Accessory	Jick	This is the notebook Xlyinia uses to keep track of everything that happens in the Kingdom. Seriously. Everything.
394	Yak Skin		T3h L33t Tr4pz0r	This is the skin of a yak. It's thick and hairy.
1036	Yak Skin Buckler	Accessory	Inventory - Smith	This is a fuzzy buckler made of yak skin. You could get out of many a sticky wicket with this fuzzy buckler, eh wot, guv?
1031	Yak Whip	Weapon	Inventory - Smith	This is not a delicious nondairy dessert topping made of yak, but a whip made of yak skin. It's specially designed to leave painful welts on whatever you hit it with. Whatever with which you hit it. Hey, y'know what happens to the grammar police, 'round these parts? They get hit with this whip.
397	Yakskin Pants	Pants	Inventory - Smith	These are some really thick, really hairy pants. Other than being thick and hairy, they're pretty unremarkable.
457	Ye Olde Golde Frontes	Accessory	The Shadowy Store	These make your teeth really shiny, and intimidate your opponents.
1078	Yellow Paisley Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a yellow paisley pattern. One time this guy named Lee asked this other guy why he always bet on yellow when playing roulette. ?It's simple. Yellow pays, Lee.? Then Lee beat the guy remorselessly for having made such a terrible, terrible joke.
1079	Yellow Plastic Oyster Egg	Combat Item	Oyster Day	This is a yellow plastic imitation oyster egg. It shines like a tiny sun, which is odd, because the sun shines like a red rubber ball, and this thing is neither red nor rubber.
1077	Yellow Polka-Dot Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with yellow polka dots. You might describe it as an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka dot hard-boiled oyster egg. If you do, though, I totally don't have your back.
1076	Yellow Striped Oyster Egg	Usable	Oyster Day	This is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with yellow stripes. It reminds you of your cowardly nephew. Yup. That kid has a yellow stripe a mile wide.
388	Yeti Fur		The Icy Peak	This is the fur from a yeti. It's dirty, and it smells like rotting yeti meat, but it's otherwise unremarkable.
775	Yeti Protest Sign (Retired)	Usable	The Icy Peak	This is a sign with ?Save The Yetis? written on it in big letters.
905	Yummy Tummy Bean	Usable	Halloween	This is a jelly bean. You're not sure what it's going to taste like, because Yummy Tummy jelly beans are renowned for their nearly infinite variety of flavors.
Total		1199