KoL Item List from Clan Otori

NumberNameTypeAreaDescription
783"Villa Document" (Retired)UsableUncle P's Antiques (Retired)This is a piece of paper covered with print so fine you can't actually read it. It has the word"Villa"in big letters at the top, though.
902100 Watt BulbFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is the bulb of a plant that grows in the 100-Watt Swamp (a Watt is equal to about 2.3 hectares, or 7.5 fathoms). It glows brightly in the presence of mystical energy. Put this inside your Jill-O-Lantern and she'll be brighter than a new penny.
5421337 7r0uZ0RZPantsThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is a p41r of 7r0uZ0RZ that totally 0wnZ0r j00. You're embarrassed at the grammar, but fortified by the 1337ness of 'em.
54930669 ScrollThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is a scroll with the number 30669 written on it. Bizarre.
55331337 ScrollUsableInventory - CombineThis is a scroll with the number 31337 written on it. W31rd, d00d.
55033398 ScrollInventory - CombineThis is a scroll with the number 33398 written on it. Unusual.
547334 ScrollThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is a scroll with the number 334 written on it. Curious.
575-Alarm SaucepanWeaponInventory - CombineThis is a saucepan filled with the spiciest sauce imaginable. The merest whiff of the fumes from this pan is enough to bring even the most ferocious opponent to his or her (or its) knees.
55164067 ScrollInventory - CombineThis is a scroll with the number 64067 written on it. Peculiar.
55264735 ScrollUsableInventory - CombineThis is a scroll with the number 64735 written on it. Queer. Wait, no. Don't hit me, man, I meant it like ?weird.?
548668 ScrollUsableInventory - CombineThis is a scroll with the number 668 written on it. Strange.
3627-Foot Dwarven MattockWeaponItznotyerzitz MineThis is a 7-Foot Dwarven Mattock. It's used to mine things. By the miners. In the mines. The Dwarves are 7 feet tall, not the Mattock.
682A Little Sump'm Sump'mBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of gin, an olive, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
639Abominable SnowconeFoodThe Large Donkey Mountain Ski ResortThis snowcone isn't very good at all. It's not round, not cold enough, and doesn't smell particularly appetizing.
534Abridged Dictionary (Once Only)The Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a severely abridged dictionary. It appears to contain only the words beginning with the letter Arrrr.
430Acid-Squirting FlowerAccessoryThe "Fun" HouseThis is your run of the mill squirting flower, only filled with powerful acid. While you're wearing this, anybody who steps to you is sure to get a facefull of pain.
404Acoustic GuitarrrUsableThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a guitarrr. It used to belong to a pirate. He probably used it to play songs about the starrrs, and how farrr he was from his favorite barrr. Because, y'know, he had a pet barrr back on shore.
784Acqua Del Piatto Merlot (Retired)BoozeUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)This is a bottle of red, red wine, straight from the vineyards of Old Country. A lot of this stuff made its way into the Kingdom by way of Mob Penguin immigrants. It will make you feel so fine, but it will also keep you looking over your shoulder, all of the time.
795Acque Luride Grezze Cabernet (Retired)BoozeUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired) This is a bottle of red, red wine, straight from the vineyards of Old Country. It's a rare and expensive vintage. Wine guides report that it has a light floral bouquet, and that it's assertive without being bold. Wine guides are also written by pretentious jerks.
64Action Figure Body (Once Only)The Toot OrioleThis is the body of a broken Mighty Bjorn action figure.
63Action Figure Head (Once Only)The Toot OrioleThis is the head from a broken Mighty Bjorn action figure
794Alarming Strawberry JuiceUsableInventory - CookAfter drinking this potion, you'll be alarmed at how much your Muscle and Mysticality have become exactly equal to your Moxie. Because seriously, it'll be pretty alarming.
594Amulet Of Extreme Plot SignificanceAccessoryThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis little trinket was probably really important to the plot of one story or another. Y'know, like it turned out to be the key to some generator room in which some final conflict takes place, or maybe it contains the spirit of a dead race of extremely wise and powerful magician people, or something. You could probably pawn this for quite a bit of Meat.
153Ancient Saucehelm (Once Only - Class Based)HatThe Dark and Dank and Sinister CaveThis is one of the Saucehelms of yore. Now it's yores.
617Angry Farmer CandyUsableThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis is a tiny brick of flavored sugar. If the Crown Prince of Sourville married the Duchess of Fruitonia, this would be their twisted love child.
829Anti-Anti AntidoteUsableThe Demon MarketThis is a cup of stuff that will un-un-unpoison you if you get un-unpoisoned.
142AnticheeseThe Distant Lands Dude Ranch VacationThis isn't so much a wedge of cheese as a hole in space the same shape as a wedge of cheese. It doesn't weigh much.
487Arrrgyle SocksAccessoryThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a pair of socks, with an arrrgyle pattern sewn into them. There's something about the pattern that seems to create Magicalness out of thin socks.
418Arse-A'Fire ElixirUsableInventory - CookThis is a potent potion made from a very hot pepper. Drinking this'll make you feel like you've had a capsaicin busted in your ass.
929Arse-Shooting Crossbow (Jick)Ranged WeaponJickThis crossbow looks like it'd be perfect for shooting people in the arse. Y'know, like that one scene in Braveheart where that guy gets shot in the arse? Like that.
383Asbestos CrossbowRanged WeaponInventory - SmithThis is an asbestos crossbow. It's Extraordinarily Moxious.
371Asbestos Crossbow StringInventory - SmithThis is a crossbow string coated with asbestos. No amount of friction wil ever ignite this baby.
390Asbestos Helmet TurtleHatInventory - SmithThis is a turtle whose shell has been plated with asbestos and meat. It's wicked tough, and flame-retardant.
376Asbestos Meat StackInventory - SmithThis is a dense meat stack fortified with asbestos. The hottest barbecue in the world couldn't touch this stuff.
364Asbestos OreItznotyerzitz Mine (In Disguise)This is a big chunk of asbestos ore, fresh from the living rock.
382Asbestos StaffWeaponInventory - SmithThis is an asbestos staff. It radiates asbestosy magic.
370Asbestos StickInventory - SmithThis is a big stick coated in asbestos. It's considerably more flame-retardant than a normal wooden stick, which is to say more than not at all.
381Asbestos SwordWeaponInventory - SmithThis is an asbestos sword. It's sharp enough to cut the wind, and it's flame-retardant enough to cut fire. It could probably also cut earth and water, but for different reasons.
369Asbestos Sword HiltInventory - SmithThis is a sword hilt coated in asbestos. It's even more resistant to fire than a normal sword hilt.
692Ascension Souvenir T-ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
19Asparagus KnifeWeaponThe Haunted PantryThis is a knife you got from a can of asparagus. It's sharp, and will make the pee of anything you stab with it smell funny.
806Asparagus Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a delicious stir-fry of delicious seasoned asparagus. You'd estimate that this stir-fry is more delicious than the pre-stir-fry asparagus by a pretty wide margin. Just don't pee for a few hours. Er, days.
638AsshatHatInventory - CombineThis is a hat made from two cheeks. Once you get used to the smell, it's pretty stylish.
622Awful Poetry JournalUsableThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyNo one understands my pain. I stand alone out in the rain. My soul is bobbing in the waters. Of Princess Miasma and her dark daughters. This journal is full of the worst poetry you've ever read. The words ?rain?, ?soul?, and ?miasma? figure prominently in every poem.
828Baby Killer BeeFamiliarThe Dungeons Of DoomThis is not, as you're probably afraid of, a bee that kills babies. It's a baby bee, that will eventually grow up to kill babies. Crucial difference.
705BaconstoneUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
717Baconstone BraceletUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
715Baconstone EarringUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
716Baconstone PendantUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
718Baconstone RingUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
677Badass BeltAccessoryInventory - CombineThis is a belt made up of the trophies of some of your most badass conquests. Feel the power!
434Balloon HelmetHatInventory - CombineThis is a helmet made of balloons that have been twisted together. It provides better head protection than you might expect.
436Balloon MonkeyFamiliarInventory - CombineThis is a monkey made of balloons. It looks restless. And it doesn't like the sound of those drums.
435Balloon SwordWeaponInventory - CombineThis is a sword made out of balloons. Its turn-ons include helium and bopping enemies on the head. Its turn-offs include just about anything pointy.
52Banjo StringsThe HermitageThese are strings from a banjo. One of them is quite a bit shorter than the others, but they all possess similar levels of twang.
70Bar SkinThe Spooky ForestThis is the pelt from a big bar.
145Barbed-Wire FenceCombat/Usable ItemThe Large Donkey Mountain Ski ResortThis is a barbed wire fence from Distant Lands. This'd probably be pretty useful in defending your campsite.
412BarrrnacleFamiliarThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a barrrnacle. It's, y'know, a Crustacean. Which means that it's from Crustacea. I've heard Crustacea is a nice place to visit, but not during the Spring.
72Barskin HatHatThe Spooky ForestThis is a cap made from the hide and tail of a bar. It's as stylish as it is warm.
73Barskin TentUsableInventory - CombineThis is a tent made from the skin of a bar. It's pretty tough, and the fur makes it pretty comfortable, too. An outdoorsman is you!
439Bartender SkullInventory - CombineThis is a skull which is also a bartender. It's not, strictly speaking, the skull of a bartender, which is what the name might lead you to believe. The name is very sorry about any confusion this may have caused.
440Bartender-In-The-BoxUsableInventory - CombineThis is a bartender skull in a jack-in-the-box. It'd look nice in your campsite, and it would probably help you with your cocktailcrafting.
442Bartender-Skull-In-The-BoxInventory - CombineThis is a bartender skull in a jack-in-the-box. He appears to be ready to start making cocktails, but he lacks the necessary equipment.
181BaseballCombat/Usable ItemThe Guano JunctionThis is a baseball, which used to be part of a baseball bat. This baseball a been a bery bery good to you. Some kid would probably like this.
111Basic Meat CrossbowRanged WeaponInventory - SmithThis is a run-of-the-mill crossbow made of meat.
770Basic Meat FezHatInventory - SmithThis is a fez made of meat. It's got a nice tassel on it, and it smells vaguely of blood oranges.
774Basic Meat FoonWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a foon made of Meat. Its glistening tines inspire you to great violence.
95Basic Meat HelmetHatInventory - SmithThis is an ordinary helmet made of meat. As if such a thing could be described as ordinary.
94Basic Meat PantsPantsInventory - SmithThis is a fairly straightforward pair of pants, made out of meat.
773Basic Meat SporkWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a spork made mostly of meat. You wouldn't have thought a spork could get any more difficult to eat with.
110Basic Meat StaffWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a regular old meat staff.
93Basic Meat SwordWeaponInventory - SmithThis is your basic meat sword.
188Bat GuanoUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is some guano from a bat. They say in some cultures, they make pottery out of this stuff. That sounds pretty nasty to me.
320Bat HaggisFoodInventory - CookThis is a haggis made out of some batgut. It looks tastier than some of the other haggis (haggises?) you've seen, but that's not saying much.
183Bat WingMultiple, Format ComingThis is a wing from a bat. It seems surprisingly meaty.
814Bat Wing Chow MeinFoodInventory - CookYour mama always told you that bat wings were good for you, right? ?Eat all your bat wings or I'll lock you in the closet, she'd say.? Wait, no, that was my mom. Never mind.
201Bat Wing KabobFoodInventory - CookThis is a kabob made out of a skewered bat wing. It looks pretty tasty.
809Bat Wing Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a stir-fry of bat wings and vegetables. One of the bat claws looks like it's clutching a slice of mushroom -- how cute!
494BatbladeWeaponThe PalindomeThis is a dewinged stab-bat. Have you heard my new band, the Dewinged Stab-Bats? Anyway, it's wicked sharp.
182BatgutMultiple, Format ComingThis is the gut from a bat. That's why they call it a batgut. If it were the gut from something else, they'd call it a somethingelsegut.
192Batskin Belt (Once Only)The Council Of LoathingThis is the belt given to you by the council after slaying the Boss Bat. It doesn't even have a buckle. What a bunch of cheapskates.
314Bean BurritoFoodInventory - CookThis is a delicious burrito made with beans. It's a little bland, but still good.
429Beanbag ChairUsableInventory - CombineThis is a beanbag chair. It looks pretty comfortable, in a creepy 70s sort of way.
311BeansThe Cobb's Knob TreasuryThis is a bag full of dried beans.
444Beer GogglesAccessoryInventory - CombineThis is a pair of goggles made from two beer lenses.
443Beer LensThe Typical TavernThis is a lens that has been ground out of the bottom of a beer bottle. It distorts things like a wah-wah pedal. Well, not exactly like a wah-wah pedal.
842BeertiniBoozeBlown Up BartenderThis appears to be a cocktail made of gin and beer. Sort of like a boilermaker, except instead of making you boiler, it just makes you nauseous.
1131BeetDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableThis is a phat beet. You might even go so far as to call it a mad beet. It has been called the most intense of vegetables, so you might even say that in an intensity contest, a beet cannot be beaten. Or beeten.
517Bejeweled Accordion StrapAccessoryThe Shadowy StoreThis is an accordion strap with inlaid silver and semi-precious gems. Wantssss it, sort of. Kind of wantssss the semi-precioussss.
337Big Ol' Trophy (Jick)JickThis is a big shiny trophy. How proud you must be to have won this!
449Big Red Clown NoseAccessoryThe "Fun" HouseThis is a big red clown nose. Not detachable, and rubber, like you'd think. No, I'd say it's more aptly described as severed and veiny.
30Big RockThe Thatch-Roofed CasinoThis is a big rock.
108Big StickWeaponThe MeatsmithThis is a big stick. With a little work, it could probably be made into a staff.
235Bigger Bugfinder Blade (Jick)WeaponJickThis is an even more powerful and mysterious sword. Its power is exceeded only by its mystery, even more so. It is bestowed upon the Champion Bugfinders of the land.
193Birthday Candle (Unimplemented)UsableUnimplementedThis is a birthday candle, which will provide a very small amount of light for a very short amount of time.
134Bitchin' Meat CarInventory - CombineThis is one bitchin' meat car, man. This thing'll be great for going down to the shore. You could even run over some old lady, one night at the county fair, and probably not even get arrested (because your dad's the Mayor.)
32Bjorn's HammerWeaponInventory - CombineThis is a hammer modeled after the weapon of Bjorn, the most legendary of Seal Clubbers.Seals flee in terror before the wielder of this fearsome weapon.
1070Black Paisley Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a black paisley pattern. It looks like a newspaper photo of a hippy egg. Y'know, from some sort of alternate reality where hippies come from eggs. And are newsworthy.
460Black PixelThe 8-Bit RealmThis strange object appears to be a black dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Odd.
1071Black Plastic Oyster EggCombat ItemOyster DayThis is a black plastic imitation oyster egg. It's like a tiny black hole, only egg-shaped instead of hole-shaped. And with far, far less gravity.
1069Black Polka-Dot Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with black polka dots. It looks like it got punched in a whole bunch of eyes yesterday.
1068Black Striped Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with black stripes. Some Vietnam veteran must've seen an egg painted with red stripes, and taken what he felt was the appropriate action.
96Bling-BlingAccessoryThe Haiku DungeonYo, this bling-bling be phat. In the hizzouse.
687Blood Of The WeresealUsableThe SmacketeriaThis is a potion made from the blood of a wereseal. It positively bubbles with lyncanthropy.
528Blood-Faced VolleyballFamiliarInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a volleyball with a bloody face on it. It's cute.
252Bloody BeerBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a half beer, half tomato juice concoction.
432Bloody Clown PantsPantsThe "Fun" HouseThis is a pair of bloody clown pants. Believe me -- you don't want to know how the blood got there.
249Bloody MaryBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a delicious Bloody Mary. It's not quite as spicy as it could be, but it's still part of a complete breakfast.
1054Blue Paisley Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a blue paisley pattern. Don't put it down on a hippy's couch, or you may never find it again.
463Blue PixelThe 8-Bit RealmThis strange object appears to be a blue dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Bizarre.
465Blue Pixel PotionCombat/Usable ItemThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedThis is a blue potion made of Pixels. You have a feeling this would restore a lot of MP if you drank it.
1055Blue Plastic Oyster EggCombat ItemOyster DayThis is a blue plastic imitation oyster egg. Wondering what's inside? Probably something blue...
1053Blue Polka-Dot Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with blue polka dots. You never thought anybody would successfully combine polka and the blues, but this egg proves you wrong, in a wordplay kind of way.
1052Blue Striped Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with blue stripes. If they were streaks instead of stripes, this thing would probably be a lot faster.
853BlundarrrbusFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaFor those of you without dictionaries, this is the 18th-century equivalent of a shotgun. Yup, back in the age of pirates, many a blundarrbus wedding took place, and you had to call ?blundarrbus!? to secure a place next to the driver of a vehicle.
1024BodyslamBoozeInventory - CocktailSome madman has made a fancy martini out of tequila. Are you mad enough to drink it, man?
168Bone RattleInventory - CombineThis is a skull attached to a bone, with some pebbles in it to make it rattle. This would probably appeal to a very large, very morbid baby.
579Boring SpaghettiFoodInventory - CookThis is a bowl of noodles with tomato sauce. Nutritious, but dull.
282Boris's KeyThe Daily DungeonThis is the key to the Shrine of Boris, in the Big Mountains.
510Boris's Key LimeInventory - CookThis is a lime, with Boris's Key cooked into it.
513Boris's Key Lime PieFoodInventory - CookThis is a key lime pie with the essence of Boris baked into it. It oozes with flavor and Muscularity.
287Boris's RingAccessoryThe Daily DungeonThis is one of the rings worn by Boris, the legendary warrior of the Times of Old. Some of his spirit lives on within it.
191Boss Bat Bandana (Once Only)The Hole In The SkyThis is the bandana formerly worn by the Boss Bat.
237Bottle Of GinBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is a tiny airline-sized bottle of gin. The Orcish Frat Boys must've gotten this from some other dimension.
787Bottle Of RumBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is a bottle of rum, probably acquired from the pirates of The Obligatory Pirate's Cove. Yo ho ho and this!
1004Bottle Of TequilaBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is an airline-sized bottle of tequila. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
238Bottle Of VodkaBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is a tiny airline-sized bottle of vodka. The Orcish Frat Boys must've gotten this from some other dimension.
328Bottle Of WhiskeyBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is an airline-sized bottle of whiskey. Mmmm. Whiskey.
940Bow (Reitred)Crimbo 2004This is a pretty red bow. This bow is pretty red. You've read pretty much everything there is to read about this bow.
943Bow StaffWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a staff with a big red bow on it. The bow would probably add some nice slicing damage to the smashing damage the big stick already does.
49Bowl Of Cottage CheeseFoodThe Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobThis is a bowl of cottage cheese. If you like cottage cheese, it looks pretty good. If you don't, it doesn't.
105Bowl Of Lucky CharmsFoodThe Spooky ForestThis is a bowl of Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious, and deliciously magical.
944Bowlegged PantsPantsInventory - SmithThese pants are joined at the top by a huge bow. Making them bowlegged. Get it?
942BowlerHatInventory - SmithThis is a hat made out of Meat and a bow. Somehow it looks like an ordinary bowler.
427BoxAccessoryMultiple, Format ComingThis is the box from a something-in-the-box. It's got a lid, and a crank.
480Box Of Birthday Candles (Once Only)The Dark Heart Of The WoodsThis is a box of birthday candles. They're perfect for adorning a child's cake, or performing demonic rituals.
445Box-In-The-BoxAccessoryInventory - CombineThis is a box, on a spring, in a box. You could keep a lot of stuff in here.
447Box-In-The-Box-In-The-BoxAccessoryInventory - CombineThis is a box on a spring, in a box on a spring, in a box (not on a spring.) Isn't it weird how 'box' doesn't even look like a word anymore?
1005Boxed WineBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is a plastic bladder full of wine in a cube-shaped cardboard box. You are already too educated stupid to understand the truth of nature's harmonic simultaneous 4-liter wine cube.
177Brainy SkullUsableInventory - CombineThis is a smart skull with a brain in it.
864Brass StingerFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a tiny brass stinger, designed to fit over the actual stinger of a killer bee. With a heavy stinger comes great stinging power, and with great stinging power comes great stinging responsibility.
535Bridge (Once Only)The UntinkerThis is a bridge. You could use it for crossing things, or to keep trolls under.
184BriefcaseUsableThe Bat Hole EntrywayThis is a briefcase. I wonder what's inside...
570Brimstone Chicken SandwichFoodCampgroundThis is an extremely spicy chicken sandwich. The screams of the damned emanate from within it. Soon they'll emanate from within you.
761BrineThe Spectral Pickle FactoryThis is a patch of brine. It's like salt, only... er... it's like salt.
765Briny VinegarInventory - CookThis is a solution of brine in vinegar. Which is not to say that brine in vinegar is a problem.
923Broken Cellular Phone (Retired)The Icy PeakThis is a cell phone that appears to have been broken in half during a fierce melee. Or maybe somebody was talking really loudly on it in the middle of a restaurant, and somebody sitting nearby just snapped and went house on the phone.
741Broken SkullThe Guano JunctionThis is a broken skull, with some itty bitty bits of skull rattling around inside of it. There's no indication of whether the bits are from this skull, or from a different skull entirely.
821Bubbly PotionUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
1028Buckler BuckleInventory - SmithThis is a buckle with straps on it. This thing could be used by a properly trained Turtle Tamer to make a variety of bucklers. The bucklers will then allow various bucklees to be buckled.
169Bugbear BeanieHatMultiple, Format ComingThis is a beanie made from the skin of a bugbear. Sadly, it lacks a propellor.
79Bugbear BungguardPantsMultiple, Format ComingThis is a pair of pants formerly owned by a bugbear. The pants fit you perfectly. Is there something you'd like to tell us?
892Bugbear-Smiting Sword (Jick)WeaponJickThis is a sword with a curved blade and a squishy handle. It was forged in dark magic for a mighty warrior - the legendary Bugbear Smiter! Bugbears everywhere fear it. And you can squeeze the grip to relieve stress, to prevent you from spazzing and worrying about stuff.
116Bugfinder Blade (Jick)WeaponJickThis is a very powerful and mysterious sword. Its power is exceeded only by its mystery. It is bestowed upon the Champion Bugfinders of the land.
566Bum CheekHatThe Sleazy Back AlleyThis is the severed cheek of a bum that rushed you. It's a sizable-enough cheek that it could be worn as a hat.
1018Calle De MielBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a margarita which has been reduced in temperature to near absolute zero. Somehow this process made it taste like honey. And asphalt.
744Can Of Hair SprayCombat/Usable ItemThe Demon MarketThis is a regular old can of hair spray.
291Can Of MacesRanged WeaponThe Daily DungeonThis is a spray can filled with tiny maces. Ouch!
226Can Of Red MinotaurBeverageUnimplementedThis is a can of Red Minotaur energy drink.
913Candied KoboldUsableHalloweenThis is a portion of candied kobold meat. It smells like it came from a tin.
915Candied Yam Pinky RingFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a tiny ring fashioned from dried and pressed candied yams. Actually, it's probably small enough that it only took one yam to make it.
933Candy Cane (Retired)FoodCrimbo 2004This is a candy cane. It's like a regular cane, only smaller, and if you tried to use it to help you walk, your hands would get all sticky.
216Carob BrowniesFoodInventory - CookThese are some brownies with chunks of carob in them. Nasty, with a capital N.
204Carob Chunk CookiesFoodInventory - CookThese are cookies made with some chunks of carob. They're edible, but just barely.
956Carob Chunk NoodlesFoodBlown Up ChefThis is a tasty dish of spaghetti, with god-awful carob chunks littering it like land mines in open water. Even the filthiest hippy wouldn't touch this stuff.
202Carob ChunksFoodThe Hippy CampThese are some chunks of carob. Some people use these instead of chocolate. You've never understood those people.
40Casino PassThe Demon MarketThis is a pass, with which one can gain entrance to the Thatch-Roofed Casino.It's also good for one free drink.
474CastCombat/Usable ItemMultiple, Format ComingThis is a cast of thousands. Thousands of tortured souls, that is. This thing has probably been cast into the Lake of Fire once or twice.
496Cat AppendixThe PalindomeThis is a section at the end of a book in which all of the cats mentioned in the book are described in greater detail. Oh, wait, no it's not. It's just a cat's appendix.
495CatgutThe PalindomeThis is, er, the intestine of a cat. That's pretty much all.
107CatsupFoodThe HermitageThis is a bottle of catsup. It's different from ketchup.
796Cement Shoes (Retired)AccessoryUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)This is a pair of cement shoes, like those worn by the ?associates? of the Penguin Mafia. They're stylish, they have good arch support, and they're enchanted to improve the wearer's sleep!
133Certificate Of Participation (Once Only)UsableThe Toot Oriole This Certificate proclaims that you are a legitimate participant in the adventuring community of The Kingdom of Loathing.Hang it proudly in your campsite!
615Chaos ButterflyCombat/Usable ItemThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis butterfly, by flapping its wings, can influence events very far away. How? I dunno. You should probably ask Jeff Goldblum.
411CharrrmThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a tiny metal charrrm, shaped like a skull and crossbones. A ?Jolly Roger,? if you will. If you won't, then it's shaped like a skull and crossbones.
413Charrrm BraceletAccessoryInventory - CombineThis bracelet makes you pretty charrrming. That's due to the charrrm on it.
1045Cheap Plastic Bottle OpenerWeaponSt. Sneaky Pete's DayThis device is perfect for opening cheap plastic bottles. The sharp bit on the end also makes it marginally useful as a weapon.
637Cheap Toaster (Once Only)UsableThe Shore Inc.This is a cheap toaster. You put bread in it, push down the lever, and in a couple of minute, toast comes out! Nobody knows where the bread goes.
437Chef SkullInventory - CombineThis is a brainy skull that knows how to cook. This might come in handy, if you had something to put it in...
293Chef's HatHatThe Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobThis is a chef's hat. It's white and puffy.
438Chef-In-The-BoxUsableInventory - CombineThis is a chef's skull in a jack-in-the-box. It'd look pretty nice at your campsite, and it could probably help you out with your cooking.
441Chef-Skull-In-The-BoxInventory - CombineThis is a chef skull in a jack-in-the-box. He appears to be ready to start cooking, but he lacks the necessary equipment.
1006CherryFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a cherry. The last time you saw something like this, it was floating through some kind of weird blue maze filled with dots.
950Cherry BombBoozeInventory - CocktailThis tall whiskey drink has many, many cherries. Cool drink of whiskey, such a sweet surprise.
898Cheshire BittenFamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis is a baby Cheshire Bat. No arguments - if a baby cat is a kitten, a baby bat is a bitten. Anyway, Cheshire Bats are known for their mysterious smile and their even more mysterious habit of disappearing and re-appearing with large amounts of meat.
678Chest Of The Bonerdagon (Once Only)UsableThe Haert Of The CyrptThis is the Chest of the Bonerdagon, which is made up of the Ribs of the Bonerdagon and the Sternum of the Bonerdagon, and probably contains the Goodies of the Bonerdagon.
23Chewing Gum On A StringThe Demon MarketThis is a wad of chewing gum on the end of a long string. It'd be perfect for fishing things out of a sewer.
572Childrens' Meal Of The Damned (Unimplemented)FoodUnimplementedThis is not here yet.
861Chocolate SpursFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThese are razor-sharp hunks of chocolate that fit over the Cocoabo's talons. Well, they're at least as sharp as a razor made out of chocolate. These should help your cocoabo do that voodoo that he do so well even better. What they can't do is improve the grammar of the previous sentence.
957Chorizo BrowniesFoodBlown Up ChefThese are chocolate brownies with large lumps of spicy pork in them. Just like grandma used to make. Grandma hated you.
179Chorizo TacoFoodInventory - CookMmm. A delicious chorizo taco. It's spicy and nutritious.
386Chrome CrossbowRanged WeaponInventory - SmithThis is a chrome crossbow. It's so shiny that it alters the very fabric of space and time. It alters them so much that you'll get three extra adventures per day when you've got it equipped.
374Chrome Crossbow StringInventory - SmithThis is a crossbow string coated in shiny chrome. It's as shiny and as flexible as some aluminum foil. Make that slightly shinier and slightly less flexible.
392Chrome Helmet TurtleHatInventory - SmithThis is a turtle whose shell has been plated with chrome and meat. It's hella tough, and hella shiny.
377Chrome Meat StackInventory - SmithThis is a dense meat stack coated with shiny chrome. It's the shiniest and most valuable thing you can imagine. Except for a slightly bigger chrome meat stack.
365Chrome OreItznotyerzitz Mine (In Disguise)This is a big, shiny chunk of chrome ore, fresh from the living rock.
385Chrome StaffWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a chrome staff. It's so shiny that it alters the very fabric of space and time. It alters them so much that you'll get three extra adventures per day when you've got it equipped.
373Chrome StickInventory - SmithThis is a big stick coated in shiny chrome. You've seen some shiny sticks in your day, but this takes the cake. The, uh, cake which is awarded to the shiniest stick.
384Chrome SwordWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a chrome sword. It's so shiny that it alters the very fabric of space and time. It alters it so much that you'll get three extra adventures per day when you've got it equipped.
372Chrome Sword HiltInventory - SmithThis is a sword hilt coated in shiny chrome. This would make a sword of particular interest to both warriors and raccoons.
823Cloudy PotionUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
431Clown ShoesAccessoryThe "Fun" HouseThis is a pair of big red clown shoes. Do you belive in magic? These shoes certainly do.
339Cobb's Knob Lab Key (Once Only)Multiple, Format ComingThis is a key to the laboratories deep within Cobb's Knob.
236Cocktailcrafting KitCrafting ItemThe Demon MarketThis is a kit which contains everything you need to concoct delicious cocktails.
591Cocoa EggFamiliarInventory - CookThis is an egg made of chocolate, from whence will hatch who knows what manner of chocolatey madness.
589Cocoa Eggshell FragmentFoodThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a small fragment of what appears to have been a chocolate egg.
702Coconut Bikini TopUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1007Coconut ShellHatThe Distant Lands Dude Ranch VacationThis is a coconut shell with a big hole in it. If you hold it up to your ear, you can hear the sound of coconut milk sloshing around.
897Coffee SpriteFamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis little guy is a baby Coffee Pixie. Coffee pixies are magical creatures who are addicted to caffeine - some thaumobiologists claim it runs in their veins instead of blood. They're a little jumpy, and you wouldn't want to be between them and a Starbucks, but they're fast as heck and twice as useful. As, er, heck.
120CogMultiple, Format ComingThis is a cog. Despite all of its asprirations, it will remain a cog.
122Cog and Sprocket AssemblyInventory - CombineThis assembly is made out of a cog and a sprocket assembly (which is made out of a sprocket and a spring.)
908Cold Hots CandyUsableHalloweenThink about how cold they are. Now think about how hot they are. Secret ninja candy-making techniques cause these to change temperature in your mouth, rather than flavor. Even the ninjas don't know why they thought that was a good idea.
348Cold Ninja MaskHatThe Lair Of The Ninja SnowmenThis is the mask of a Ninja Snowman. It's very cold. Brrrrrrr.
272Concentrated Magicalness PillUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a pill which contains a tremendous amount of concentrated Magicalness.
336Consolation Ribbon (Jick)AccessoryJickThis is a crappy white consolation ribbon. Oh well. At least you won something.
458Continuum TransfunctionerAccessoryThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedThis is, as the Crackpot Mystic told you, an artifact of great power and great mystery. Its power is exceeded only by its mystery, and strangely, its mystery is exceeded only by its power.
751Cool MushroomUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
752Cool Mushroom CaseroleUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
634Cool WhipWeaponThe Demon MarketThis is a totally rad bullwhip made of awesome leather.
834CornuthaumHatThe Dungeons Of DoomThis is a conical hat. If it had the word"dunce"written on it, you might call it a dunce cap. Actually, you might call it that even though it doesn't, because you don't seem to care much whether you call things by their right names or not.
424Cosmic LemonadeUsableInventory - CookThis is a glass of lemonade. The ?lemon? part comes from a lemon, and the ?ade? part comes from outer space. This would probably make you feel pretty magical for a while if you drank it.
143CottageUsableInventory - CombineThis is a cozy little cottage. You could probably put this up at your campsite.
672CranberriesFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a bunch of cranberries. Do you have to let them linger?
875Crazy Bastard SwordWeaponThe Sleazy Back AlleyThis is the sword formerly wielded by a crazy bastard. He wanted to hit you with it, but instead, you hit him with something and took it. Go, you!
754Cream Of Pointy Mushroom SoupUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
924Crimbo Elfling (Retired)FamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis is a baby Crimbo Elf, one of the ill-tempered midgets used as slave labor by Father Crimbo. You can tell it's a boy elfling because it doesn't have wings.
649Crimbo HatHatInventory - SmithThis is a stylish hat made out of wrapping paper. The foil in the wrapping paper also protects you from spooky cosmic rays.
650Crimbo PantsPantsInventory - SmithThese are pants made out of recycled wrapping paper. Stylish, but somewhat uncomfortable.
644Crimbo Pressie (Reitred)UsableCrimbo 2003This is a present, given to you for Crimbo.
941Crimbo Stocking (Retired)UsableCrimbo 2004This is a stocking that is probably full of goodies. Normally you'd have hung this by the chimney with care on the night before Crimbo, but you don't have a chimney. That being the case, you just carelessly left it at the bottom of a pile of dirty laundry. Luckily, Father Crimbo found it and filled it up for you.
648Crimbo SwordWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a sword made of wrapping paper. It's capable of producing both festive good cheer and nasty, nasty papercuts.
109Crossbow StringThe MeatsmithThis is a string which could be used to turn something into a crossbow. Funny how that works.
414CrowbarrrWeaponThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a crowbarrr from The Obligatory Pirate's Cove. The pirates probably used it to pry open chests to get to the booty inside. Or the chestnuts. Because sometimes the chests contained chestnuts. The pirates were usually pretty disappointed when this was the case. To avoid such disappointment, you should only use this crowbarrr to smite your enemies. Or to crack open your chestnuts.
313Crown Of The Goblin King (Once Only)HatThe Cobb's Knob King's ChamberThis is the crown which was worn by the now-deposed King of Cobb's Knob. This is much better than that crappy Dolphin crown.
83Crusty L-Shaped Piece Of MetalThe Haiku DungeonThis is a crusty piece of metal shaped like an L. The crust on it is also shaped like an L.
1201Cryptic Puzzle BoxLegend has it that if you figure out how to open this box, a bunch of sharp hooks on chains will pop out of it and drag you down to Hey Deze. Which doesn't explain why once anyone hears that, they just have to try and open the box. Thankfully, this is just a replica of the original. Much easier to open, and without all that pesky flaying.
899Custom Avatar FormThe Mr. StoreThis is a form that can be used to order a custom avatar for your character -- a picture that will replace your normal picture in your character pane and the page other people see when they view your profile.
894Dark Jill-O-Lantern (Retired)FamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis poor pumpkin has been a victim of horrific violence. All its insides are gone and there's a crude, but distinctly feminine face carved into the front of it.
826Dark PotionUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
230Dead Guy's WatchAccessoryMultiple, Format ComingThis is a dead guy's watch. Wearing this will probably help you get places on time.
211Decorative FountainUsableThe Hippy CampThis is a tiny water fountain with some stalks of bamboo growing in it.
602Degrassi Knoll Shopping List (Once Only)UsableDegrassi Knoll This is a shopping list you found at Degrassi Knoll.
573Delicious NoodlesFoodInventory - CookThese herb-infused noodles look delicious and nutritious.
574Delicious Spicy NoodlesFoodInventory - CookThese noodles, cooked with both herbs and spices, are both delicious and spicy. The herbs make them delicious, and the spices make them spicy. The reason for this is that ?herby? isn't a word.
295Demonskin Trousers (Retired)PantsThe Daily DungeonThis is a pair of pants made of demonskin. It's red, and warm to the touch, even when not being worn.
499Denim AxeWeaponThe PalindomeThis is a denim axe. It can cut through anything, except for jeans.
258Dense Meat StackMultiple, Format ComingThis is a very dense stack of meat.
925Dental PliersFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaDid you know the secret ambition of all Crimbo Elves is to be dentists? Strange but true. Now your Crimbo Elf can extract loot and beat on your enemies with much more gusto. With these pliers.
178Detective SkullHatInventory - CombineThis is a talking skull. It's pretty smart, and it uses its powers of deduction to solve mysteries. Talking to it will probably provide all sorts of useful information.
472Diamond-Studded CaneWeaponMultiple, Format ComingThis is a bejeweled cane. Bitch betta' have yo Meat.
536Dictionary (Once Only)Combat ItemThe UntinkerThis is a regular old dictionary. It contains a lot of words, their definitions, and their proper pronunciations.
691Digital KeyThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedThis is a 21st Century digital key. It doesn't know how to live, but it probably knows how to open a door... somewhere...
759DillThe Spectral Pickle FactoryThis is a handful of dried-up dill weed. Don't let it hear you say that, though -- nobody likes being called a dried-up dill weed.
767Dill PotionUsableInventory - CookThis is a potent potion (potable) made with delicious dill (delectable.)
146Dinghy Plans (Once Only)UsableThe Shore Inc.This is a set of blueprints that tell you how to make a dinghy. Now if you just had some planks...
141Dingy Dinghy (Once Only)Inventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a dinghy, which is made of dingy planks. It's not pretty, but it's seaworthy.
140Dingy PlanksThe HermitageThis is a stack of planks of dingy wood. The dinge would probably make them watertight.
565Dirty Hobo GlovesWeaponThe Sleazy Back AlleyThis is a pair of filthy hobo gloves. Their pungent stench makes them useful as a weapon.
948Dirty MartiniBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a martini with extra olive goodness. Which is to say that it is a martini that focuses on the very best part of an ordinary martini.
196Disassembled CloverUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a ten-leaf clover from which the leaves have been pulled. It doesn't seem nearly as lucky this way.
154Disco 'Fro Pick (Once Only - Class Based)WeaponThe Dark and Dank and Sinister CaveThis is a pick for the maintenance and adornment of your 'fro. It is imbued with the Moxie of countless generations of Disco Bandits.
10Disco BallUsableThe SewerThis is a disco ball, which can be used to liven up a disco party.
54Disco BanjoRanged WeaponInventory - CombineThis is the Disco Banjo, legendary weapon of the Disco Bandits. Lay down the boogie, and play that funky music 'til your enemies grovel before you.
9Disco MaskHatThe SewerThis mask allows you to disco dance like a pro. And by pro, I mean pro-fessional disco dancer.
452DiseaseCombat ItemThe "Fun" HouseThis is a handful of germs. This would probably give a monster a pretty nasty disease.
176Disembodied BrainUsableFernswarthy's TowerThis is a brain in a jar. It appears to be pretty well-preserved.
632Disturbing FanficUsableThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis is a hundred pages of animals from a popular cartoon doing horrible and disgusting things to each other.
232Doc Galaktik's Ailment OintmentCombat/Usable ItemThe Doc Galaktik's Medicine ShowThis is a can of Doc Galaktik's Ailment Ointment -- guaranteed to cure all of life's ills.This item will heal a moderate number of hit points.
234Doc Galaktik's Homeopathic ElixirCombat/Usable ItemMultiple, Format ComingThis is a bottle of Doc Galaktik's Homeopathic Elixir -- guaranteed to cure all of life's ills.This item will heal a goodly number of hit points.
231Doc Galaktik's Pungent UnguentCombat/Usable ItemThe Doc Galaktik's Medicine ShowThis is a jar of Doc Galaktik's Pungent Unguent -- guaranteed to cure all of life's ills.This item will heal a small number of hit points.
233Doc Galaktik's Restorative BalmCombat/Usable ItemMultiple, Format ComingThis is a tin of Doc Galaktik's Restorative Balm -- guaranteed to cure all of life's ills.This item will heal a moderate number of hit points.
479Dodecagram (Once Only)The Dark Neck Of The WoodsThis is a twelve-pointed star in a circle. Or you could choose to interpret it as 2 6-pointed stars. Or 4 3-pointed stars (which I guess would technically just be triangles.)
137Dope WheelsInventory - CombineCheck out these wheels, homes. Nice tires, nice rims -- the ladies are really gonna dig these.
568Double Bacon BeelzeburgerFoodCampgroundThis is at least the second most evil hamburger you've ever seen. Maybe even the single most evil. Looks pretty tasty, though.
601Dr Hobo's Map (Once Only)UsableThe Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobThis is the map given to you by the ghost of Dr. Hobo Jones. You remember him saying something about a scalpel.
600Dr Hobo's Scalpel (Once Only)WeaponInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is the scalpel once wielded by Dr. Hobo Jones.
422Drab PotionUsableInventory - CookThis potion contains a drug which makes things so boring that your mind shuts down for a while. In the meantime, all of your mental energy is converted to physical energy. In other words, your Strongness and Magicalness are swapped. Do I have to spell it
489Drab SonataUsableThe PalindomeThis is the sheet music to the most boring song you've ever heard. Er, read.
541Draggin' Ball HatHatThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is a hat with heavy iron balls attached to it. It's stylish, but really heavy.
676Dragonbone Belt Buckle (Once Only)The Council Of LoathingThis is a belt buckle fashioned from the sukll of an enormous bonerdagon. The degree to which it was fashioned is exceeded only by the degree to which it is fashionable.
98Dried FaceThe Spooky ForestThis is a face, which is very dry.
115Dripping Meat CrossbowRanged WeaponInventory - SmithThis is a moistened crossbow. It's been moistened with ketchup (or catsup, who knows.)
114Dripping Meat StaffWeaponInventory - SmithThis staff is soaked with ketchup (or catsup.) It's moist and delicious.
113Dripping Meat SwordWeaponInventory - SmithThis meat sword is infused with ketchup. Or catsup. And it's very drippy.
456Dry MartiniBoozeInventory - CocktailA delicious olive plus some delicious gin equals a martini of extraordinary magnitude. Now that's your kind of math!
304Dry NoodlesMultiple, Format ComingThese are dry noodles. There is nothing clever which can be said about them.
1019Dry Vodka MartiniBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a delicious dry vodka martini. It's dry because it's got a larger olive in it than a regular vodka martini. Seriously.
555Drywall Axe (Once Only)WeaponInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is an axe made out of drywall. It looks like it would be good for wallhacking, or just hacking of the 'covered in monster guts afterward' type.
1017Ducha De OroBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of tequila and orange juice with a girly paper umbrella in it. Drinking this would probably make you feel like a pretty little mariposa.
296Dungeoneer's DungareesPantsThe Limerick DungeonThis is a pair of dungarees, specially designed for the discriminating dungeoneer. They're as fashionable as they are protective. Which is to say, not very.
910Dwarf BreadFoodHalloweenElves are short, willowy, and light in the loafers. Elfin bread is light and airy and melts in your mouth. Dwarves are tall, stout, hairy and hardy. Their bread can also be used as a blunt instrument.
347Dyspepsi-ColaCombat/Usable ItemThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is a can of Dyspepsi-Cola, one of the two indistinguishable frontrunners in the Kingdom of Loathing Cola Wars.
157E-Z Cook OvenCrafting ItemThe Demon MarketThis is an E-Z Cook Oven. A baker is you!
735Easter Egg Balloon (Once Only)AccessoryThe Perplexing DoorThis is a balloon. Like most balloons, it's shaped just like an Easter Egg. Unlike most balloons, it's also colored just like an Easter Egg. It's pretty cute. Er, stylish. I didn't just say ?cute.?
824Effervescent PotionAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
932EggnogUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a glass of eggnog. It's slimy, sickeningly sweet, and a disturbing shade of beige. About the only good thing you can say about it is that it's got some booze in it.
155El Sombrero De Lopez (Once Only - Class Based)HatThe Dark and Dank and Sinister CaveThis is the hat which was until recently worn by Somerset Lopez, Dread Mariachi.Now it's worn by you, you Moxious avenger you.
151Elder Turtle Shell (Once Only - Class Based)HatThe Dark and Dank and Sinister CaveThis is the shell of one of the ancient order of Elder Turtles, untimely ripped from his brutally slain corpse.It retains his strength and determination.
481Eldritch ButterknifeThe Dark Elbow Of The WoodsThis butterknife pulses with malevolent energy. And malevolent dullness.
500Elf Farm Raffle TicketUsableThe PalindomeThis is a ticket to the Elf Farm Raffle. Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you?
501Elfin ShortbreadFoodInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a delicious chunk of shortbread, made by elves. They probably live in a tree, or something similar to a tree. Like, umm, a different tree.
1081Emo Roe (Retired)FamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis is the egg of an extremely emotional fish of some sort. Remember the band ?An Emotional Fish?? Yeah, nobody else does, either.
124Empty Meat TankDegrassi KnollThis is a meat tank with no meat in it. Why, if there's no meat in it, is it called a meat tank? The world may never know.
85Empty Orcish Meat LockerUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is an empty meat locker. You could probably use this to store meat at your campsite.
271Enchanted BarbellUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a barbell which has been imbued with a powerful magic spell. A few minutes with this and you'll be noticeably stronger.
186Enchanted BeanUsableThe Batrat and Ratbat BurrowThis is a bean, but it's not an ordinary bean -- it's enchanted! Of course, all of the beans in the Kingdom of Loathing are enchanted, so I guess it actually is an ordinary bean.
317Enchanted Bean BurritoFoodInventory - CookThis is like an ordinary bean burrito, only enchanted.
686Enchanted Brass KnucklesAccessoryThe SmacketeriaThis is a pair of brass knuckles imbued with powerful sorcery. You could split a lot more lips if you were wearing these.
130Enchanted EyepatchHatInventory - CombineThis is an eyepatch, which is just full to the brim with enchantment. Hoo-wee is this eyepatch enchanted.
491Enormous Belt BuckleThe PalindomeThis is more belt buckle than any man needs, which, if you think about it, is no belt buckle at all. Shiny, though.
640Ent Cider (Retired)BeverageThe Large Donkey Mountain Ski ResortThis is a bottle full of glowing golden essence of hipster Ent. It smells good and tastes delicious, but you don't want to think about where it might have come from.
425Equilibrium JuiceUsableInventory - CookThis is a potion made up of the concentrated essence of equilibrium and stability. Oh, and lime. Can't forget the lime.
846Especially Homoerotic Frat-Paddle (Jick)WeaponJick This frat-paddle is even more homoerotic than most frat paddles. That's really saying something.
762Especially Salty DogBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a salty dog that has been made especially salty. Your tongue hurts just thinking about it.
478Evil Golden ArchMultiple, Format ComingThis is a fiendish curve of golden metal. You estimate that it's about half pure evil.
504Evil Golden ArchesUsableInventory - CombineThis is a pair of sinister golden arches. Who knows what manner of evil they will spawn?
651Exclusive Ultra-Rare Item (Jick)AccessoryJickThis is an extremely rare item. It's so rare that it can't be found at all.
951Extra Special Crimbo Stocking (Retired)UsableCrimbo 2004 This is a stocking that is probably full of even better goodies than a normal Crimbo stocking. Also, it points the other way at the bottom. How lucky you are to have gotten one of these!
257Extra-Spicy Bloody MaryBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a Bloody Mary with a kick. Actually, two kicks. First it kicks you in the mouth, then it kicks you in the head.
277Extra-Strength Strongness ElixirUsableThe Daily DungeonThis elixir will make you stronger. So you can drink more elixir. So you can get stronger. So you can drink more elixir. So you can get stronger...
149eXtreme Meat CrossbowRanged WeaponInventory - SmithThis crossbow is to the limit.
148eXtreme Meat StaffWeaponInventory - SmithThis meat staff is to the limit.
147eXtreme Meat SwordWeaponInventory - SmithThis meat sword is to the limit.
399eXtreme MittensAccessoryThe eXtreme SlopeThis is a pair of eXtreme mittens. They'll keep your hands eXtremely warm, without interfering with that which separates you from the animals -- your lack of razor-sharp claws.
195eXtreme Nose RingAccessoryInventory - CombineThis nose ring is pretty eXtreme.
355eXtreme ScarfHatThe eXtreme SlopeThis is an eXtreme scarf. It's red, with little white eXtreme reindeer knitted into it. This thing will keep you wicked warm.
860Eye-PodFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis pod is completely covered with all-seeing eyes. Its cosmic vibrations are in tune with the music of the Spheres. This thing would probably get your baby gravy fairy busting all kinds of new moves.
224EyepatchFamiliar EquipmentMultiple, Format ComingThis is a regular old eyepatch. You'd wear this if you only had one eye, or if you were dressing like a pirate. Arrrr.
538F3d0r4HatThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is a snazzy hat! It makes you feel like 1nd1ana J0ne5.
80Fairy GravyThe Haiku DungeonThis is an enchanted tureen of Fairy Gravy. It smells delicious -- magically delicious.
274Familiar-Gro? TerrariumUsableThe Demon MarketThis is the roomy and affordable Familiar-Gro Terrarium. Turn your home or campsite into a breeding grounds for all manner of helpful creatures!
581Fancy Schmancy Cheese SauceInventory - CookThis is some fancy sauce made with goat cheese. This sauce would probably taste better if you were wearing fancy pants, Fancypants.
185Fat Stacks Of CashInventory - Use Specific ItemThese are some fat stacks of cash. Too bad you can't spend cash in the Kingdom of Loathing.Oh well. Maybe somebody else can use it for something.
210Feng Shui For Big Dumb IdiotsUsableThe Hippy CampThis is a book which illustrates the principes of the ancient art of Feng Shui using very short, very simple sentences.
927Ferita Del Petto Zinfandel (Retired)BoozeUncle P's Antiques - Purchase Of Villa (Retired)This is a bottle of fine wine, straight from the vineyards of the Old Country. It's dry and full-bodied, like a fat mummy. It tastes better than a fat mummy, though. Slightly.
247Fermenting PowderThe Demon MarketThis is a little bit of magical powder that will cause things to ferment at a greatly accelerated rate.
529Fertilized Ghuol EggFamiliarInventory - CombineThis is a ghuol egg which has been fertilized. It'd probably hatch, given the proper conditions.
583Fettucini InconnuFoodInventory - CookThis is a cheesy pasta dish of great mystery. Its origins? Lost in the mists of time. Its effects? Unknown. Its aroma? Delightful.
870Fetus-Smashing Club (Jick)WeaponJickThis Bashy's club. Bashy hate fetus. Therefore, club hate fetus.
955Fez Of EtymologyHatInventory - CombineThis powerful enchanted fez bestows upon its wearer the ability to instantly discern the origin of any word he or she encounters. What could you do with a fez like this? Why, look stylish, of course!
213Filthy CorduroysPantsThe Hippy CampThis is a pair of filthy corduroys. It's filthy because it came from the wardrobe of a filthy, filthy hippy.
700Filthy Hippy PonchoUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
214Filthy Knitted Dread SackHatThe Hippy CampThis is a filthy knitted sack, which can be used by a filthy hippy to contain his or her filthy, filthy dreadlocks. You still don't know what the colors mean. Red, black, and green.
255Fine WineBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a bottle of fine wine, from the Flachtweide Wecker vineyards. That's what the bottle says, at least.
731Fish Hose (Once Only)The Perplexing DoorThis is a length of rubber hose that smells like fish. Wanna know what else is made of rubber and smells like fish? A tupperware container full of fish, that's what. Pervert.
729Fishbowl (Once Only)The Perplexing DoorThis is a fishbowl. It's an anagram of blowfish, but unlike a blowfish, it's made of glass and remains a constant size. It's also an anagram of flishbow, but unlike flishbow, it's actually a word.
730Fishtank (Once Only)The Perplexing DoorThis is a fishtank. And by fish, I mean oxygen. Why? Simple. Fish is like oxygen, in that you can't survive without either of them, except for fish.
825Fizzy PotionUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
473Flaming CrutchMultiple, Format ComingThis is like a normal crutch, only it's on fire. This would be useful if you found youself without the use of one of your legs, and posessed of fireproof armpits
755Flaming MushroomUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
544Flaming TalonsAccessoryThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThese are the claws of a flaming troll. Sharp + Hot Dangerous.
301Flat DoughUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a wad of dough which has been smashed flat.
701Floral Print ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1149Flower Petal PieFoodInventory - CookThis is a pie made out of flower petals. It seems like it's probably much tastier than a pie made out of bicycle pedals. Easier on your teeth, too.
448Foolscap Fool's CapHatThe "Fun" HouseThis is a fool's cap, made of paper. Pretty cheap.
772FoonWeaponThe Limerick DungeonThis is a plastic implement that combines the properties of a fork and a spoon. Which is to say that it's a fork with wide, flat tines. Basically useless.
869Forest TearsUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableThis is a vial of tears cried by a homeless forest spirit. Awwww.
61Fortune CookieUsableThe HermitageThis is a fortune cookie, manufactured by HNSTY (pronounced with an 'NSTY'.)It smells lemony and Nethack-esque.
353Frigid Ninja StarsCombat ItemThe Lair Of The Ninja SnowmenThis is a set of three throwing stars of the sort used by the Ninja Snowmen. They're ice-cold and deadly accurate.
696Frilly ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
131Frilly SkirtPantsDegrassi KnollThis is a really cute skirt.
526Frobozz Real-Estate Company Instant House (Once Only)UsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a portable house, with a label on it reading ?Frobozz Real-Estate Company Instant House. Just add water!?
756Frozen MushroomUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
354Frozen NunchakuWeaponThe Lair Of The Ninja SnowmenThis is a set of nunchaku which will make your hands numb, Chuck. Get it? Numb-chucks?
646FruitcakeFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a fruitcake. It's like a big brown brick, with little pieces of cherries, apricots, and papayas in it. Mostly papayas. Great.
125Full Meat TankInventory - CombineThis is a meat tank which is full of meat. There's no question as to why this is called a meat tank.
616Furry FurThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis is the fur from a furry. By which I mean it's the fur from a costume worn by a friggin' pervert.
631Furry PantsPantsInventory - SmithThis is a pair of extremely thick, extremely furry pants, with velcro flaps in both the front and back. You're more comfortable if you don't think about the flaps.
799FuzzbumpBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of rum, lime juice, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
928Fuzzy Bracelets (Jick)AccessoryJickThis is a pair of fuzzy bracelets that are, for some reason, connected together with a strong steel chain. What could these things possibly be used for?
387Fuzzy Dice (Once Only)FamiliarThe Shore Inc.What's fuzzy and has twelve sides? These things. Or, I suppose, some sort of fuzzy dodecahedron. But definitely these things.
281Gasmask (Retired)HatThe Daily DungeonThis will protect you from all noxious fumes, with the exception of any noxious fumes that come from inside your own head.
607Gauze Immateria (Once Only)The Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a small sphere of the purified essense of gauze. It's very wispy.
1082Gazing ShoesFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a set of eight tiny shoes, perfect for being gazed at by an Emo Squid.
758Ghost CucumberFoodThe Spectral Pickle FactoryThis is the ghost of a cucumber. Or maybe it's the cucumber of a ghost - y'know, like a ghost was walking around with some cucumbers, and it accidentally dropped one?
766Ghost Pickle On A StickFamiliarInventory - CookThis is the ghost of a pickle on a stick. Er, I should rephrase that. It's the ghost of a pickle, AND it's on a stick. The stick wasn't part of the pre-ghost pickle. It's moving around spookily.
763Ghostly Pickling SolutionInventory - CookThis is a liquid that looks like it could pickle something. Something ghostly.
166Ghuol EarsMultiple, Format ComingThese are the ears from a ghuol. They're pretty meaty. Y'know, as far as ears go.
161Ghuol EggFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is an egg from a ghuol. Bet you didn't even know they laid eggs.
162Ghuol Egg QuicheFoodInventory - CookThis is a delicious-smelling quiche made from a ghuol egg.
669Ghuol GuolashFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a steaming dish of stew made from tomatoes, noodles, and the decaying flesh of a ghuol. Gah.
167Ghuol-Ear KabobFoodInventory - CookThis is a skewer of roasted ghuol ears.
667Giant Castle Map (Once Only)UsableThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a map that appears to lead to the resting place of something called a ?Quantum Duck.? Intriguing.
1151Giant Discarded Plastic Fork (Once Only)WeaponThe Council Of Loathing This is a giant plastic fork that was thrown away by somebody giant after eating something slightly less giant, but still pretty giant. The tines are pretty dull, but it's big enough that you can use it as a staff.
273Giant Moxie WeedUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a huge Moxie weed. It's not wee, it's not not-so-wee, it's friggin' HUGE!
619Giant NeedleWeaponThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis is the needle from a giant record player. Like most of the things in this castle, it's very large. Unlike most of the things in this castle, however, it's also wicked sharp.
934Gingerbread Bugbear (Reitred)FoodCrimbo 2004This is a bugbear made of gingerbread. Isn't it cute? With its little eyes made of frosting and its little arms also made of frosting and its little mouth also also made of frosting? Gingerbread tastes like neither ginger nor bread. Discuss.
330Glass Of Goat's MilkBeverageThe GoatletThis is a glass of milk.The milk came from a goat. The goat came from the Mountains. You don't know where the glass came from.
629Glowing Red EyeAccessoryThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is the eye from a MagiMechTech MechaMech. Its power source appears to be intact, in that it's still glowing.
497GnatwingThe PalindomeThis is the wing of a tan gnat. Yep.
505Gnatwing EarringAccessoryInventory - CombineThis is a gnatwing earring. Earwingring. Whatever. it's pretty, for jewelry made out of insect parts.
585Gnocchetti Di NietzscheFoodInventory - CookThis is a pasta dish with a savory mushroom sauce. When you look into this bowl, this bowl also looks into you. Talking about this pasta can also be a means to conceal this pasta. And that's enough of that.
172Gnoll LipsUsableDegrassi KnollThis is the set of lips from a Gnoll. He wasn't using them anymore.
220Gnoll TeethDegrassi KnollThese are teeth from a Gnoll. They'd look good on a necklace.
221Gnoll-Tooth NecklaceAccessoryInventory - CombineThis is a necklace made out of Gnoll teeth. Pretty intimidating.
127Gnollish AutoplungerWeaponInventory - CombineThis is a Gnollish Autoplunger. It can be used to quickly unclog toilets, or to lay a foul-smelling smack down on someone or something.
123Gnollish FlyswatterWeaponDegrassi KnollThis is a flyswatter used by the Gnollish Flyslayers of Degrassi Knoll.
129Gnollish Nunchaku (Retired)WeaponDegrassi KnollThis is a pair of Gnollish numb-chucks. Nun-chucks. Noon-chocka.
158Gnollish Pie TinMultiple, Format ComingThis is a pie tin used by Gnollish bakers to bake pies. Gnollish pies.
117Gnollish PlungerWeaponDegrassi KnollThis is the plunger favored as a weapon by the Gnolls of Degrassi Knoll.
533Gnollish ToolboxUsableDegrassi KnollThis is a toolbox dropped by a Gnollish Gearhead. It's probably got machine parts inside it.
327GoatFamiliarInventory - CombineThis is a baby goat. Isn't he cute, with his little beard and everything?
329Goat BeardHatThe GoatletThis is the beard from a goat.
322Goat CheeseFoodThe GoatletThis is cheese made from goat's milk. What will they think of next?
325Goat Cheese PizzaFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a pizza with goat cheese on it. It smells good.
792Golden Mr. AccessoryAccessoryThe Mr. StoreThis is an accessory. A really, really nice one. This is an item which, in addition to providing the stat boost of a normal Mr. Accessory, allows its bearer to temporarily bestow, 5 times per day, the same benefit on other players.
66Golden TwigThe HermitageThis is a golden twig. The Oriole would probably dig it.
879GoofballsUsableThe Suspicious Looking GuyThis is a bottle of pills labeled ?goofballs.? Something tells you that it'd probably be a bad idea to take these.
703Goth Kid T-ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
748Gourd Potion (Limited)UsableThe Gourd TowerThis is a tiny hollowed out gourd that contains a fizzing orange liquid.
358Gr8psFoodThe eXtreme SlopeThese are like normal grapes, only more eXtreme!
243GrapefruitFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a grapefruit. It's fruit, but it's nothing like a grape.
420Grapefruit Juice Of Powerful PowerUsableInventory - CookThis is a potion made from grapefruit juice. Drink it, and you'll be as Strong as a grapefruit, as Magical as a grapefruit, and as Moxious as a grapefruit. Moreso, actually, in all three cases.
244GrapesFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a bunch of wild grapes. Or maybe they're domesticated grapes. I forget.
671Grave Robbing ShovelWeaponMultiple, Format ComingThis is a shovel used for robbing graves. Too bad it can't also be used as a figurative shovel, for burying the guilt you'd feel if you ever used it.
1041Green BeerBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a beer infused with something that makes it green. Is it easy bein' green? I don't know. You'll have to ask this beer.
462Green PixelThe 8-Bit RealmThis strange object appears to be a green dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Weird.
466Green Pixel PotionCombat/Usable ItemThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedThis is a green potion made of pixels. The resolution isn't high enough for it to bubble, but if it was, you can believe that it'd be bubbling with HP and MP restoring goodness.
790GrogBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink whose origins and composition are shrouded in mystery. It smells pretty good.
949GrogtiniBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is grog, with a fancy garnish, served in a martini glass. Somehow these two additions make it much, much better than regular grog.
525Grue Egg (Once Only)FamiliarInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is an egg laid by a grue. You're assuming a grue will hatch from it.
189Guano Coffee CupInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a coffee cup made out of bat guano.It's about as nasty as you expected it to be.
156Guild Application (Retired)The Council Of LoathingThis is an application to one of the Professional Guilds of Loathing. You should take it to the Council in the Seaside Town.
190Guild Pants (Retired)PantsThe Council Of LoathingNote: Guild Pants were given to adventurers when they beat the Boss Bat. In early summer of 2003 they were replaced by the Batskin Belt, which dropped alongside the Boss Bat Bandana. (MaxDemian)
488Guitar PickThe PalindomeThis is an ordinary guitar pick. It's so ordinary that it's completely boring.
704HamethystUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
713Hamethyst BraceletUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
711Hamethyst EarringUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
712Hamethyst NecklaceUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
710Hamethyst PendantUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
714Hamethyst RingUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
914Hand Turkey Outline (Retired)FamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis is the larval form of the Hand Turkey, a flightless but ferocious bird that pecks the eyes out of its enemies before stealing all of their Meat.
1162Handsomeness PotionUsableSouth Of The BorderThis potion will make you irresistable to the ladies. Or the guys, if that's your thing. Look, we don't ask questions here. It might also make your life more dangerous, though.
936Hanukkimbo Dreidl (Retired)FamiliarCrimbo 2004This is a dreidl from another holiday, mistakenly placed in with the Crimbo loot. It looks pretty neat, though -- shiny, made of clay, and sparkling with mystical energy. It's even better than Jennifer Aniston.
693Harem Girl T-ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
48Heart Of Rock and RollInventory - CombineSomehow, the combination of a big rock and a hot buttered roll has produced this living, beating heart. It's sort of gross, actually.
611Heavy DThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis is a letter D of extraordinary magnitude. The girls, the girls, they love it.
56Heavy Hot SauceInventory - CookThis is a sauce made from gravel and jabanero pepper juice. It's heavy, and it's hot. That's why it's called ?heavy hot sauce.?
508Heavy Metal SonataUsableInventory - CombineThis sheet music is the very essence of heavy metal. It's so heavy and metallic you can't lift it, but you can sure dig its evil groove. All hail the Dark Lord.
507Heavy Metal Thunderrr GuitarrrUsableInventory - CombineYou like smoke and lightning, this, and racing with the wind.
728Hedge Maze Key (Once Only)The Hedge MazeThis is the key you found in the hedge maze.
727Hedge Maze Puzzle (Once Only)The Hedge MazeThis is a tiny wooden puzzle that you took from one of the topiary golems in the Naughty Sorceress' hedge maze. It's... puzzling.
506Hell BrothFoodInventory - CookThis is a potent broth, simmered over the very fires of Hey Deze. It smells savory and brimstony.
578Hell RamenFoodInventory - CookThese are ramen noodles that taste like hell. These differ from other ramen noodles in that... er... hey, look over there!
476Hellion CubeMultiple, Format ComingIn the same way that a bullion cube is a potent combination of salt and bull, this is a potent combination of salt and Hell.
90Helmet RecipeUsableThe MeatsmithThis is a recipe which tells you how to cook up a sturdy (and tasty) meat helmet.
3Helmet TurtleHatMultiple, Format ComingThis is a turtle, which for some reason doesn't mind being worn as a helmet.
484Hemp Backpack (Unimplemented)ContainerUnimplementedThis is a backpack made out of hemp, which was probably woven together by some filthy hippy. It's ugly, it smells awful, and the straps chafe your shoulders, but it's roomy. I guess they need lots of space for all of their drug paraphernalia and hacky sacks.
218Hemp BraceletAccessoryThe Hippy CampThis is a bracelet made of hemp. It's got a spot where you could probably weave things into the hemp.
417Henna TattooUsableThe Hippy Camp (In Disguise)This is a henna tattoo. The design supposedly has some sort of tribal significance. Or maybe it's Japanese or something. Anyway, putting it on might make something Magical happen. You never know.
217Herb BrowniesFoodMultiple, Format ComingThese are some brownies with some herbs mixed into them. Seems sort of suspicious.
203HerbsMultiple, Format ComingThese are herbs, fresh from some hippy's garden.
42Hermit PermitThe Demon MarketThis is a permit which allows you to make a pilgrimage to see the Hermit who lives beyond The Spooky Forest.
567Hermit ScriptUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a scroll which contains a sequence of incomprehensible characters, organized in sets of curly braces.
847Heteroerotic Frat-Paddle (Jick)WeaponJickThe is one of the rarest items in the Universe -- a frat paddle with absolutely no aura of homoeroticism.
516Hey Deze Map (Once Only)UsableThe Deep Fat Friar's GateThis is a map to the dead center of the Infernal Realm of Hey Deze.A note in the margin, scrawled in blood, reads ?WOE BETIDE YE, WHO ENTERS HERE WITHOUT SUITABLE MUSIC FOR OUR DARK LORD.?
509Hey Deze NutsInventory - Use Specific ItemThese are some wild and crazy imps, and they're carrying tiny shovels. Hmm...
582Himalayan Hidalgo SauceInventory - CookThis is a tasty sauce made with mushrooms. You're not exactly sure why it's called Himalayan Hidalgo Sauce, but then again, you're not exactly sure of a lot of things.
1034Hippo Skin BucklerAccessoryInventory - SmithThis is a buckler made of hippo skin. It's tough. So tough that just looking at it makes you feel tougher.
1029Hippo WhipWeaponInventory - SmithThis is like a bullwhip, only made with hippo skin instead of bull skin. It's got hippo fingernails on the end, making it really, really painful. If you get hit with it, that is. It's not painful to look at, or anything.
398Hippopotamus PantsPantsInventory - SmithThis is a pair of pants made out of hippopotamus skin. They make your ass feel as tough as a hippopotamus. And a hippopotamus is pretty tough, believe me.
395Hippopotamus SkinT3h L33t Tr4pz0rThis is the skin of a hippopotamus. This reminds you of a haiku:hippopotamusantihippopotamusannihilation
207Hippy Herbal TeaBeverageInventory - CookThis is herbal tea. It's probably made of chamomile, or jasmine, or some other kind of hippy crap.
241Homoerotic Frat-PaddleWeaponThe Orcish Frat HouseThis is a paddle used in some sort of Orcish Frat initiation ritual.
683Horizontal TangoBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of whiskey, lemon, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
733Hosed Fishbowl (Once Only)Inventory - CombineThis is a fishbowl with a fish hose attached to it. Now if only you had a bag of sand and a big ruby, you could go around making all of the Goth girls swoon.
732Hosed Tank (Once Only)Inventory - CombineThis is a fish (oxygen) tank with a fish hose attached to it. Don't get your hosed tank near any tanked hos. There's no telling what they might do with it.
47Hot Buttered RollFoodThe HermitageThis is, as its name implies, a hot buttered roll. It looks delicious.
350Hot Katana BladeMultiple, Format ComingThis is the blade of a katana. The only thing interesting about it is that it's really really hot. So be careful with it. And wipe your nose.
471Hot WingFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a delicious hot wing. It's hot, and, er, yeah, I got nothin'.
1165Hovering SombreroFamiliarInventory - CombineThis hat appears to be hovering a couple feet off the ground. Actually, it has a ghost underneath it holding it up. So it's never just a hat, it's never only just a hat, you know.
726Huge Mirror Shard (Once Only)WeaponThe Huge MirrorThis is not a huge shard from a mirror, this is a shard from a huge mirror. There's an important distinction, but it escapes you. The distinction, not the shard.
878HypnodiskAccessoryThe Deep Fat Friar's GateThis is a whirling disk with a hypnotic pattern on it. If you wear this thing on your lapel, monsters will be really freaked out. Like, whoah.
848Hypodermic NeedleFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a tiny syringe that has been custom-made to be operated by a mosquito. How, you might ask? Yup, you certainly might ask. This should make the mosquito's blood collection much more efficient.
41Ice-Cold BeerBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is a can of Sir Schlitz, the beer that made the Kingdom of Loathing famous. Mmmmm. Sir Schlitz.
81Ice-Cold BeerBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is a can of Willer. When you come home after a hard day of adventuring, it's Willer Time!
180Ice-Cold FotieBoozeThe Orcish Frat HouseThis is an ice-cold fotie-ouncer of Olde Loathingish.
138Ice-Cold Six-PackAccessoryMultiple, Format ComingThis is a delicious six-pack of Sir Schlitz, the beer that made the Kingdom of Loathing famous.
349Icy Katana HiltThe Lair Of The Ninja SnowmenThis is the hilt of a katana. The only interesting thing about it is that it's very very cold. So don't stick your tongue to it. And stop making that face.
351Icy-Hot KatanaWeaponInventory - CombineThis Katana is both as cold as ice (and willing to sacrifice your love) and too hot to handle (now yes around.)
935Imitation Nice Watch (Reitred)UsableCrimbo 2004This is a cheaply-manufactured replica of a nice wristwatch. It's so poorly-made that it occasionally runs backwards for a few minutes at a time. The upshot is that you'll pretty much always be early for everything if you wear it.
470Imp AleBoozeMultiple, Format ComingStraight from the finest brewery in Hey Deze, Imp Ale delivers full-bodied flavor, eternal damnation, and just a touch of hops.
876Incredibly Dense Meat GemAccessoryItznotyerzitz Mine (In Disguise)This is a gem made out of incredibly densely-compressed meat. It throbs with meaty gravity, in both the ?importance? and ?attraction to other physical bodies? senses. Plus, it has a handly belt clip!
477Infernal InsolesAccessoryMultiple, Format ComingThis is a set of springy pads that go inside your shoes. They're sure to put a spring in your step, and the fires of Hey Deze in your black, black heart.
316Insanely Spicy Bean BurritoFoodInventory - CookThis is a bean burrito which has been made so spicy that it's almost inedible.
319Insanely Spicy Enchanted Bean BurritoFoodInventory - Cook This is an enchanted bean burrito which is spicier than any other enchanted bean burrito you've ever seen.
916Intergalactic Pompoms (Jick)AccessoryJickThis is a set of pom poms that look like they'd be perfect for some intergalactic cheerleading. Now if only we knew what ?intergalactic cheerleading? was?
653Intragalactic Rowboat (Once Only)Inventory - CombineThis is a craft designed for intragalactic (planetary) travel. Of course, pretty much every vehicle is designed for intragalactic travel. Let's differentiate this one by saying it's designed for intragalactic travel... in space.
1160Irate SombreroHatSouth Of The BorderThis sombrero seems awfully upset about something, especially for an inanimate object. It seethes at you, as if it's daring you to even try to dance around it.
777Iron Pasta Spoon (Retired)WeaponThe Icy PeakThis is one of the extra-heavy pasta spoons used by the Penguin Mafia Pasta Chefs. Today's special ingredient is pain!
603Item #13 (Jick)AccessoryJickThis is an item with mysterious properties. No one is quite sure what those properties are.
300Jaba?ero-Flavored Chewing GumUsableSouth Of The BorderYou're not even sure this stuff *is* chewing gum. It's got a hard sugar coating over a wee tiny bit of some mildly squishy substance. You're not convinced that being chewy and gummy automatically make something chewing gum. I mean, pencil erasers fall into that category. Except for the sugar part..
55Jabanero PepperThe HermitageThis is one of the hottest peppers you've ever seen. Just thinking about it makes your mouth hurt.
289Jarlsberg's EarringAccessoryThe Daily DungeonThis is one of the earrings worn by Jarlsberg, the most powerful Chef-Mage of the Times of Old.It positively oozes Mysteriousness.
283Jarlsberg's KeyThe Daily DungeonThis is the key to the Shrine of Jarlsberg, in the Big Mountains.
511Jarlsberg's Key LimeInventory - CookThis is a lime, with Jarlsberg's Key cooked into it.
514Jarlsberg's Key Lime PieFoodInventory - CookThis is a key lime pie with the essence of Jarlsberg baked into it. It oozes with flavor and Magicalness.
709Jewelry-Making PliersDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableThis is a pair of enchanted pliers designed for crafting enchanted jewelry.
278Jug-O-MagicalnessUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis jug contains a liquid. The liquid contains Magicalness.
571Jumbo Dr. LuciferBeverageCampgroundThis is a jumbo-sized Infernal soda. Somehow the ice doesn't melt, despite the fact that it appears to be boiling.
455Jumbo OliveFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is one of the most amazing olives you've ever seen. This olive is so amazing that you can't imagine ever giving it away.
229Kentucky-Fried Meat CrossbowRanged WeaponInventory - SmithThis is a crossbow infused with a secret blend of herbs and spices. Mmmmm.
228Kentucky-Fried Meat StaffWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a meat staff infused with a secret blend of herbs and spices. Mmmmm.
227Kentucky-Fried Meat SwordWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a meat sword infused with a secret blend of herbs and spices. Mmmmm.
20Kentucky-Style DerbyHatThe Demon MarketThis is a derby, which looks like it probably came from Kentucky.
106KetchupFoodThe HermitageThis is a bottle of ketchup. It's different from catsup.
493Ketchup HoundUsableThe PalindomeThis little guy is kind of like a bloodhound, but not as icky. He looks pretty smart, though. Ayup.
521Kickback CookbookAccessoryGouda's Grimoire And GroceryThis handy little tome will teach you to get more out of your recipes. It's also highly portable.
776Kneecapping Stick (Retired)WeaponThe Icy PeakThis is a stick used by the Penguin Mafia to break the knees of those who fail to bend to their whim. Because if you're not going to bend to the Penguin Mafia's whims, your knees are not going to bend in the right direction anymore.
308Knob Goblin Elite HelmHatMultiple, Format ComingThis is a helmet like the ones worn by the elite guard of Cobb's Knob.
309Knob Goblin Elite PantsPantsMultiple, Format ComingThis is a pair of pants like the pants worn by the Knob Goblin Elite Guard.
310Knob Goblin Elite PolearmWeaponMultiple, Format ComingThis is a polearm like the ones used by the Knob Goblin Elite Guard.
694Knob Goblin Elite ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
747Knob Goblin FirecrackerCombat/Usable ItemThe Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobThis is a firecracker produced by the Mad Scientists of Cobb's Knob. Seems dangerous -- like it'd be pretty easy to blow off some of your fingers. Or some of somebody else's fingers...
305Knob Goblin Harem PantsPantsThe Cobb's Knob HaremThis is a pair of pants formerly worn by a Knob Goblin Harem Girl.They make you feel like an unnatural woman.
306Knob Goblin Harem VeilHatThe Cobb's Knob HaremThis is a veil formerly worn by a Knob Goblin Harem Girl.
341Knob Goblin Love PotionUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a potion used by the girls of the Knob Goblin Harem. It will temporarily boost your Moxie, at the cost of a few Strongness.
38Knob Goblin PantsPantsMultiple, Format ComingThese are pants crafted by Knob Goblin seamstresses.
307Knob Goblin PerfumeUsableThe Cobb's Knob HaremThis is a bottle of perfume from the Knob Goblin Harem. If you put it on, it will make you smell like a Knob Goblin Harem Girl.
35Knob Goblin ScimitarWeaponThe Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobThis is a curved sword used by the Knob Goblins. And trust me -- you don't want to know what they use it for.
344Knob Goblin SeltzerCombat/Usable ItemThe Cobb's Knob LaboratoryThis is a fizzy beverage concocted by the Knob Goblin Mad Scientists.It will restore a moderate number of MP when drunk.
343Knob Goblin Sharpening SprayUsableThe Cobb's Knob LaboratoryThis is a one-use spraycan full of a patented weapon-sharpening formula devised by the Knob Goblin Mad Scientists. It will temporarily increase the damage you deal with melee attacks.
340Knob Goblin SteroidsUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a single does of the steroids preferred by the Knob Goblin Elite Guard. It will give you a significant temporary boost to your strength, at the cost of some Moxie.
342Knob Goblin Stink BombCombat ItemThe Cobb's Knob LaboratoryThis small bomb, when lit, will unleash the stench of a dozen Knob Goblins.
345Knob Goblin SuperseltzerCombat/Usable ItemThe Cobb's Knob LaboratoryThis is an extremely fizzy beverage concocted by the Knob Goblin Mad Scientists. It will restore a large number of MP when drunk.
36Knob Goblin TongsWeaponThe Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobThis is a set of tongs used by the Knob Goblins during barbecues. The tongs are pretty heavy.
51Knob Goblin UberpantsPantsThe Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobThese are the finest pants that have ever been made. I mean, damn, Gina. These pants so fine, in the 16th Century.
312Knob Goblin VisorHatThe Cobb's Knob TreasuryThis a visor worn by the Knob Goblin Bean Counters. It's green, it's translucent, and it positively oozes Moxie.
401Knob Kitchen Grab-BagUsableThe Cobb's Knob KitchensThis is a grab bag from the kitchens of Cobb's Knob. It differs from other bags in that it can be grabbed.
303Knob MushroomFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a tasty mushroom, of a variety which grows only in the depths of Cobb's Knob. You should hang out with this mushroom. It's a fungi.
302Knob SausageFoodThe Cobb's Knob KitchensThis is a delicious sausage prepared by the Knob Goblins.
813Knob Sausage Chow MeinFoodInventory - CookThis tasty dish has all the eastern mystique of chow-mein and all the questionable hygiene of the Knob Goblins and their filthy sausages.
808Knob Sausage Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a stir-fry of Knob sausage and vegetables. The vegetables are probably pretty good for you, but the sausage is bad enough for you to make it a net loss. So enjoy it, but get a new net as soon as possible.
801Knob Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a delicious stir-fry of Knob mushrooms. It smells as good as it looks, which is pretty impressive, considering how good it looks.
723Knoll MushroomFoodDegrassi KnollThis is one of the mushrooms that grows in the damp caverns beneath Degrassi Knoll. It smells a little worse than your average mushroom, unless all of your mushrooms are Knoll Mushrooms, in which case it smells exactly as bad as your average mushroom.
804Knoll Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a scrumptious stir-fry of seasoned Knoll mushrooms. It smells of a delightful blend of gnolls and hippies.
532Ladle Of MysteryAccessoryGouda's Grimoire And GroceryThis is a ladle that is somehow capable of scooping life energy directly from the Cosmic Sauce. It's also got a handy lanyard ring.
832Large BoxUsableThe Dungeons Of DoomThis is a large box. It probably contains a number of things. Since it's a large box, that number might be very large. It might also be very small. One thing we can say for sure -- it's not less than zero.
590Large Cocoa Eggshell FragmentFoodInventory - CookThis is a slightly larger version of a slightly smaller fragment of chocolate eggshell.
1066Lavender Paisley Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a lavender paisley pattern. You haven't seen this much lavender paisley since... umm... y'know, I don't think you've actually ever seen any lavender paisley before now.
1067Lavender Plastic Oyster EggCombat ItemOyster DayThis is a lavender plastic imitation oyster egg. Of all the plastic imitation oyster eggs you've seen in your life, this is definitely the most... lavender.
1065Lavender Polka-Dot Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with lavender polka dots. What do you suppose a lavender Yoshi would do? Probably redecorate your house, using his tongue to distribute the throw pillows.
1064Lavender Striped Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with lavender stripes. It looks like a tiny, round zebra, viewed through some kind of filter that makes black look lavender.
865Lead NecklaceFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a tiny necklace designed to make your familiar heavier. If your familiar was wearing this, you'd no longer be able to walk around saying ?He ain't heavy, he's my familiar.?
492Leather ChapsPantsThe PalindomeThese chaps make you feel mightier, until you realize that they leave your buttcheeks flappin' in the wind. That reduces the mightiness quotient somewhat, but it makes you look pretty brave...
475Leather MaskHatMultiple, Format ComingThis is a leather mask, which is... Actually, I'd rather not describe this item at all.
332LemonFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a lemon. It's shaped exactly like a lemon.
415LeotarrrdPantsThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a leotarrrd from The Obligatory Pirate's Cove. When you're wearing this, you're not going anywhere, Gilbert.
276Leprechaun HatchlingFamiliarInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a just-hatched leprechaun. If you put it in a terrarium, it'll probably mature very quickly.
100Lifeless Meat DollInventory - CombineThis is a doll made of meat. It's not very animated. What manner of magicalness could liven it up?
170Lihc EyeMultiple, Format ComingThis is the eye from a lihc. It's funny, because you can't remember the lihc actually having eyes while you were fighting it.
171Lihc Eye PieFoodInventory - CookThis is a pie made from the eyeball of a lihc. It smells pretty magical.
670Lihc FaceHatMultiple, Format ComingThis is the face from a spooky lihc. Nobody would dare lick your face while you're wearing a lihc face.
333LimeFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a lime. Like a lemon, it's shaped like a lemon. Unlike a lemon, it's a lime.
298Lime-and-Chile-Flavored Chewing GumUsableSouth Of The Border You're not even sure this stuff *is* chewing gum. It's got a hard sugar coating over a wee tiny bit of some mildly squishy substance. You're not convinced that being chewy and gummy automatically make something chewing gum. I mean, pencil erasers fall into that category. Except for the sugar part.
655LineThe Hole In The SkyThis is a part of a constellation. Funny. You always thought those lines were imaginary.
380Linoleum CrossbowRanged WeaponInventory - SmithThis is a linoleum crossbow. The twang of its string signals doom for all who oppose you.
368Linoleum Crossbow StringInventory - SmithThis is a crossbow string that has been fortified with linoleum. It's as strong and as flexible as a bodybuilding acrobat.
391Linoleum Helmet TurtleHatInventory - SmithThis is a turtle whose shell has been plated with linoleum and meat. It's mad tough.
375Linoleum Meat StackInventory - SmithThis is a dense meat stack fortified with linoleum. It smells like meat on the floor of the bathroom.
363Linoleum OreItznotyerzitz Mine (In Disguise)This is a good-sized chunk of linoleum ore, fresh from the living rock.
379Linoleum StaffWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a linoleum staff. What's long, hard, and smells like linoleum? This.
367Linoleum StickInventory - SmithThis is a big stick which has been fortified with linoleum. Solid.
378Linoleum SwordWeaponMultiple, Format ComingThis is a linoleum sword. It's easy to clean, and with proper care, will last a lifetime.
366Linoleum Sword HiltInventory - SmithThis is a sword hilt which has been fortified with linoleum. It's as sturdy and as fragrant as the kitchen floor.
635Little Paper UmbrellaWeaponThe Tropical Paradise Island GetawayThis is a miniature replica of a real umbrella, if real umbrellas were made of bamboo and paper. And broke if you so much as looked at them funny, dammit.
698Loathing Eagle Baby-Doll T-ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
84Locked Orcish Meat LockerThe Haiku DungeonThis is an Orcish locker full of meat. Unfortunately, it's locked, so all of the meaty goodness stays inside.
433Long Skinny BalloonThe "Fun" HouseThis is a long, skinny balloon. By itself, it has very little value. But twisted up with other balloons...
187Loose TeethUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a handful of human teeth. They appear to have gnashed their last.
569Lord Of The Flies-Sized FriesFoodCampgroundThese french fries appear to have been deep-fried in the boiling oil vats of Hell, itself. They're crispy on the outside, evil on the inside.
539Lowercase NThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is an N dropped by a XXX pr0n. I guess that makes him a XXX pr0.
995Lucky Surprise EggFoodInventory - CookThis is a Lucky Surprise Egg! It's made of chocolate! It's delicious, and has a fun toy surprise inside! It's exciting! That's why the description has so many exclamation points in it!
1040Lucky Tam O'Shanter (Retired)Familiar EquipmentThe Mr. StoreThis is some kind of beret with a fuzzy ball on the top of it. Your familiar can wear it at a jaunty angle. Then you could say ?Jaunty Tam O'Shanter? over and over again. Try it, it's fun!
564Mad Train WineBoozeMultiple, Format ComingThis is a bottle of Mad Train wine. Cheap wine. Nasty wine. Headache-in-a-bottle wine.
781Mafia Aria (Retired)UsableThe Icy PeakThis is an aria about the life. The life of a Penguin Mobster. It looks like it'd be relatively difficult to sing, due in large part to your lack of penguin vocal chords. In your throat, I mean -- not, like, in a sack.
791Mafia Bow Tie (Retired)AccessoryUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)This is a bow tie, of the style worn by the members of the Penguin Mafia. It's very, very stylish, and it makes you feel very, very tough.
838Mafia Stogie (Retired)AccessoryUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)This is a cigar, enchanted to burn and burn without ever being used up. The smoke creates an aura of intense Mysticality, and the intimidation factor makes you seem a lot tougher than you actually are.
840Mafia Violin Case (Retired)WeaponUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)This is a ?violin case? of the sort wielded (weld?) by Mob Penguin thugs. It feels pretty heavy. You could probably use it to beat somebody over the head until they were unconscious. Even though that'd be unconscionable (marked by unconscionability.)
1008Magical Ice CubesThe Large Donkey Mountain Ski ResortThis is a handful of ice cubes that have been enchanted in such a way as to make them very difficult to melt. A lot can go down between Thursday and Saturday when these things get involved. Just ask the boys in your 'hood.
518Magical Mystery JuiceCombat/Usable ItemGouda's Grimoire And GroceryThis is a potion that's positively bubbling with Magicalness. Roll up! (your sleeves, and drink it.)
16Magicalness-In-A-CanUsableThe Demon MarketThis is a can of aerosol Magicalness. When you spray it on yourself, you become more Magical.
862Magnifying GlassFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis magnifying glass was specially designed to gather starlight and focus it through a star starfish. It could probably also be used to turn ants into ant-b-que, but I think we're all a little more mature than that.
845MAHI Fez (Jick)HatJickThis is a fez embroidered with the Cryptic word ?MAHI.? You'd think that if you put two of them together, you'd have a tasty fish, but you'd be wrong -- there's only one of them, and Boozerbear has it, so you won't ever put two of them together.
839Maiali Sifilitici Pinot Noir (Retired)BoozeUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired) This is a bottle of red, red wine, straight from the vineyards of Old Country. A lot of this stuff made its way into the Kingdom by way of Mob Penguin immigrants. Pinot Noir goes well with salmon, chicken, and lamb. Although I heard Pinot Noir and lamb got in a fight, so now Pinot Noir is back together with chicken.
999Maid HeadInventory - CombineThis is the head of a maid. If the janitorial industry had the same operating standards as the mafia, you'd find one of these in your bed if you crossed them.
998Maiden WigHatDegrassi KnollDon't wig out, man... this is a wig designed to make a burly Gnollish man look like a burly Gnollish maiden.
734Makeshift SCUBA GearAccessoryInventory - CombineThis is a fish (oxygen) tank, attached by a fish hose to a fishbowl. When you wear this, you'll be able to breathe clean air no matter where you go, as long as you consider air that reeks of fish to be clean.
850Many Eyed GlassesFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThese spectacles will allow your potato to better see your enemy, the better to entangle it. The downside is your potato will have to live with the cruel nickname ?sixteen-eyes.?
1038Maraschino Moxiosity PotionUsableInventory - CookThis is a potion made of cherry juice. It's an alarmingly artificial-looking shade of red.
1013MargaritaBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a margarita. If a bunch of these things got together and started up a town, it'd probably be a good place to avoid if you wanted to actually accomplish anything.
1159Mariachi G-StringCombat ItemSouth Of The BorderThis is the third string from a Mariachi's guitar. What? It's thin, strong, and pointy on the ends -- you could probably garotte somebody with it pretty effectively. Or put it back on a guitar and play a Gavotte for somebody.
12Mariachi PantsPantsThe SewerThis is a pair of pants you stole from a mariachi. You stole his pants because he didn't have an accordion. He didn't have an accordion because a different Accordion Thief had already stolen it from him.
251MartiniBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is your basic martini. Gin and an olive.
1163Marzipan SkullUsableSouth Of The BorderYou were afraid this thing came out of a girl who looks like a broomstick with a wig and a skirt, but really it's just compressed sugar and almond extract.
1062Mauve Paisley Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a mauve paisley pattern. Mauve and paisley go together like beans and cornbread. Or perhaps like paisley and mauve.
1063Mauve Plastic Oyster EggCombat ItemOyster DayThis is a mauve plastic imitation oyster egg. Accept no imitations, except for this one.
1061Mauve Polka-Dot Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with mauve polka dots. Didn't your Grandma have a friend named Mauve Polka Dots? No? I could've sworn she did.
1060Mauve Striped Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with mauve stripes. It's like a hard-boiled police lieutenant, but police lieutenants aren't usually covered in mauve stripes. At least not in their public lives.
268Meat Cowboy HatHatInventory - CombineThis is a cowboy hat, made of meat, with a snakeskin hatband. Stylish, pardner.
849Meat DetectorFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis item is a lot like a metal detector, except that it detects meat. It's got special shielding on it so it doesn't detect the user's own body as meat. Trust me, it does. A leprechaun would probably find this to be pretty useful.
126Meat EngineInventory - CombineThis is an engine which runs on meat. It's fueled-up and ready to go (somewhere) or do (something.)
99Meat FaceInventory - CombineThis is a face made of meat. It's cute.
87Meat From YesterdayThe Haiku DungeonThis meat is so dry. It's from yesterday.
636Meat Globe (Once Only)UsableThe Shore Inc.This is a cheap trinket that shows various scenes in the kingdom suffering a freak meatstorm.
101Meat GolemUsableInventory - CombineThis is a Meat Golem. It will more than likely do your bidding.
1000Meat MaidUsableInventory - CombineThis is a maid that runs on Meat. If you set her up at your campsite, she'll clean up for you, saving you lots of time.
132Meat Maid BodyInventory - CombineThis is the body of a meat maid. It's maid to order just for you. Sorry. They maid me do it. Ha! Maid you look! Anyway, it'll never get ahead in the janitorial arts if it doesn't get a head.
25Meat PasteUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a sticky paste made out of meat. It could be used to stick two things together.
88Meat StackMultiple, Format ComingThis is a stack of highly compressed meat.
546Meat VortexCombat/Usable ItemThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is a curious object - a whirling mass of energy that seems to just suck up Meat.
871Meatcar ModelFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a little replica of a bitchin' meatcar on a string, designed to be hung on a pair of fuzzy dice.
112Meatloaf HelmetHatInventory - CombineThis is a helmet made of meatloaf. Mmmmm. You feel like a Bat out of Hell when you wear it. You would do anything for this hat (but you won't do that.)
92Meatsmithing GuideUsableThe MeatsmithThis is a pamphlet which explains the basic principles of meatsmithing.
389Meaty Helmet TurtleHatInventory - SmithThis is a helmet turtle that's been meated up a bit. Bulkier turtle better protection.
1158Meleegra? PillsUsableSouth Of The BorderThese tiny blue pills are supposed to enlarge your weapon and make you be able to attack for hours on end without tiring. You're not sure how a pill could affect your weapon, but they seem to work.
937MenoretteFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a tiny candelabrum with eight tiny candles in it. It'll make your dreidl feel more at home, so it'll work harder. Spin harder? Whatever.
321MenudoFoodInventory - CookThis is a soup made out of spicy intestines. You've seen more disgusting soups than this, but not very many.
490Mesh CapHatThe PalindomeThis hat makes you feel like you're ready for some football, like you're a good ol' boy (never meanin' no harm,) and like the South will rise again. In other words, tough but stupid.
628Metallic AThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a large letter A, made out of some sort of shiny metal.
618Mick's IcyVapoHotness RubUsableThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkySweet merciful Jesus, this is the strongest-smelling muscle rub you've ever encountered. It's like a Spearmint Fairy took a crap on a candy cane, only more medicinal-smelling.
65Mighty Bjorn Action Figure (Once Only)Inventory - Combine This is a repaired Mighty Bjorn action figure. The Toot Oriole will be glad to see this.
819Milky PotionUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
836Mind Flayer CorpseFoodThe Dungeons Of DoomThis is the corpse of a mind flayer. Perhaps you could make a mild filet of mind flayer out of it. Or perhaps not. Perhaps you should just eat it.
360Miner's HelmetHatItznotyerzitz MineThis is a helmet taken from a 7-Foot Dwarf Miner. It's got a nifty light on the front of it.
361Miner's PantsPantsItznotyerzitz MineThis is a pair of the special pants worn by 7-Foot Dwarven Miners. Why do you need special pants to work in a mine? You just do, all right?
901Miniature Espresso MakerFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a machine that Coffee Pixies use to brew up especially potent coffee. It produces cups of espresso that are even smaller than regular-sized cups of espresso.
1152Miniature Gravy-Covered Maypole (Retired)Familiar EquipmentThe Mr. StoreThis is a maypole that's covered from tip to bottom in delicious gravy. From the top stream several ribbons, each of which is also covered in delicious gravy. A familiar using this thing would probably be able to find a lot more items than usual after combat. Why does gravy help your familiar find more items? Exactly.
779Mob Penguin Cellular Phone (Retired)Combat ItemThe Icy PeakThis is a phone used by the Mob Penguin Sopranos to call in thug penguins to do their bidding. And much like in a combination auction-house and kickboxing arena, their bidding is typically extremely violent.
917Mob Penguin Protection Contract (Retired)Uncle P's Antiques (Retired)This is a document that entitles its owner to a measure of protection from the Penguin Mafia. If -- and we're not saying this is going to be possible -- but if at some point in the near future the Penguin Mafia decides to start doing ?favors? for your fellow citizens of Loathing, having one of these documents in your inventory will protect you against one of those favors. So... Got any enemies?
597Mohawk WigHatThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is an intimidating hairdo that you can wear over your normal hairdo. Although you'll probably be a lot less intimidating than you would be if you didn't keep using the word ?hairdo.?
1011Monkey WrenchBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of rum and grapefruit juice. Just the thing you need to loosen your nuts and fix your pipes.
857MoonglassesFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThese shades are not just stylish, but functional; they could probably help a grue overcome its fear of bright light. As long as you don't masquerade on the grue in shades, oh no.
275Mosquito LarvaFamiliarThe Spooky ForestThis is the larva of a mosquito. It's very tiny, but with some tender loving care (and perhaps a terrarium,) it could develop into a full-fledged mosquito.)
357Mountain Stream SodaCombat/Usable ItemThe eXtreme SlopeThis is a can of Mountain Stream soda. It's pretty fizzy, and it's pretty eXtreme.
519Moxie MagnetAccessoryThe Shadowy StoreThis is a tiny enchanted magnet that you can pin to your shirt. When you've got it equipped, your Mojo Points will be calculated based on your Moxie, instead of your Magicalness.
14Moxie WeedUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a small weed, which when eaten, makes you more Moxious.
194Mr. AccessoryAccessoryThe Mr. StoreThis is an accessory. A pretty nice one, too. This item is bestowed upon those groovy individuals who see fit to contribute $10 or more to the maintenance and development of the Kingdom of Loathing.
896Mr. Accessory Jr.AccessoryThe Mr. StoreThis is an item that appears to be the offspring of a Mr. Accessory and a Mrs. Accessory. He's not quite as strong as his parents, but he certainly likes acquiring new toys!
482Mr. Container (Unimplemented)ContainerUnimplementedThis is the very first container-type item found in the Kingdom of Loathing. How lucky you are to have this!
782Mr. Exploiter (Retired)AccessoryUncle P's Antiques (Retired)This is a badge of ?honor? purchased by somebody who was ?wealthy.?
907Mr. MediocrebarUsableHalloweenThis candy bar, y'know, it's okay. Like, it's never going to win a gold medal in the olympics, or anything. I mean, it's even less likely to do so than other candy bars.
685Mr. Shirt (Jick)ShirtJickIt's Mr. Shirt! Hooray, Mr. Shirt!
895Ms. AccessoryAccessoryThe Mr. StoreThis is an accessory that's just as powerful as a Mr. Accessory, but much, much prettier.
267Mullet WigHatWhitey's GroveThis is a wig of hair that's long in the back and short on top. Looking at this gets a Bon Jovi song stuck in your head
827Murky PotionUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
326Mushroom PizzaFoodInventory - CookThis is a pizza with mushrooms on it.
785Mystery Raffle Ticket #1-#5 (Retired)Uncle P's Antiques (Retired) This is a ticket for the Penguin Mafia's ?Mystery Raffle? fund-raiser. Nobody knows what the prizes are -- that's why it's a mystery!
1047N.O. Beer (Jick)BoozeJickThis is a glass of fluorescent green beer from the radioactive microbrewery in the basement of the Noblesse Oblige clan hall. It smells like a dangerous combination of power and generosity.
695N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
802N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
803N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
868N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
880N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
881N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
882N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
883N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
884N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
885N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
886N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
887N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
888N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
889N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
890N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
893N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
930N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
959N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
960N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
996N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
997N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1001N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1032N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1033N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1037N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1039N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1085N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1086N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1087N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1088N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1089N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1090N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1091N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1092N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1093N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1094N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1095N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1096N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1097N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1098N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1099N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1100N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1101N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1102N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1103N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1104N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1105N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1106N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1107N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1108N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1109N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1110N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1111N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1112N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1113N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1116N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1118N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1119N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1120N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1121N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1122N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1123N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1124N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1125N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1126N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1127N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1128N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1129N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1130N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1132N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1133N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1134N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1135N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1136N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1137N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1138N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1139N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1140N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1141N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1142N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1143N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1144N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1145N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1146N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1147N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1150N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1153N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1154N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1155N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1156N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1157N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1167N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1168N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1169N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1170N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1171N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1172N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1173N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1174N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1175N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1176N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1177N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1178N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1179N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1180N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1181N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1182N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1183N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1184N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1185N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1186N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1187N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1188N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1189N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1190N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1191N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1192N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1193N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1194N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1195N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1196N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1197N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1198N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1199N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
1200N/AUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
627NDInventory - CombineThis is an N followed by a D. And that's all I have to say about that.
219Necklace ChainThe Hippy CampThis is a chain of fine metal, out of which a necklace could be made. Of course, making handmade jewelry makes you seem like a hippy.
483Newbiesport Backpack (Unimplemented)ContainerUnimplementedThis backpack is perfect for beginning adventurers, in that it allows them to carry stuff that they wouldn't otherwise be able to carry.
69Newbiesport? TentUsableThe Demon MarketThis is a basic tent. If you put it up at your campsite, you'll be slightly less vulnerable to attacks from other players.
624NGCombat ItemInventory - CombineThis is a basic tent. If you put it up at your campsite, you'll be slightly less vulnerable to attacks from other players.
352Ninja Hot PantsPantsMultiple, Format ComingThis is an N followed by a G. You're not exactly sure how to pronounce it.
428Nothing-In-The-BoxInventory - CombineYou've seen some hot pants in your lifetime, but none as hot as these.
446Nothing-In-The-Box-In-The-BoxInventory - CombineThis is a something-in-the-box without the something.
798Ocean MotionBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a nothing-in-the-box on a spring, in a box. That's complicated enough that it doesn't require any more of a description.
1074Off-White Paisley Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with an off-white paisley pattern. Elaborate pattern + very low contrast plain old white egg, effectively.
1075Off-White Plastic Oyster EggCombat ItemOyster DayThis is an off-white plastic imitation oyster egg. Or maybe it's ivory, or off-off-white. Or maybe eggshell. Wouldn't that be ironic.
1073Off-White Polka-Dot Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with off-white polka dots. It's very hard to tell where the polka dots stop and the background begins. And that isn't funny. At all.
1072Off-White Striped Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with off-white stripes. You've said it once before, but it bears off-repeating now.
904Old School Mafia Knickerbockers (Retired)PantsUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired) This is a drink made of rum, strawberries, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
1020Old-FashionedBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink known, for some reason, as an old-fashioned. I guess in the old days they took their whiskey with cherries in it. That must be what the XX on the side of those bottles meant. Xherry Xherry.
245OliveFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a big, plump, juicy green olive. Few things are as similar to a big, plump, juicy green olive as this is.
807Olive Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a somewhat bizarre stir-fry of seasoned olives. It smells... like olives, unsurprisingly. Mountains of olives.
725One Million Meat Pancakes (Jick)JickThis is a million Meat, made into a pancake. Or maybe a pancake made of a million Meat. Either way: Oh yeah.
522One-Winged Stab BatInventory - CombineThis is a partially rewinged dewinged stab bat. Have you heard my new band, the Partially Rewinged Dewinged Stab Bats?
242OrangeFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is an orange. It's orange.
419Orangish AphrodisiacUsableInventory - CookThis is a powerful aphrodisiac made from the juice of an orange. It's orang-o-tangy, and expeditious.
239Orcish Baseball CapHatThe Orcish Frat HouseThis is a baseball cap formerly worn by an Orcish Frat Boy. Even having this in your inventory makes you feel like a jerk.
240Orcish Cargo ShortsPantsThe Orcish Frat HouseThis is a pair of cargo shorts formerly worn by an Orcish Frat Boy. It's got lots of pockets, perfect for storing your cheat sheets and Rohypnol.
612Original GThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis is one of the first Gs printed by the Alphabet Giants in the Sky. Back in the day.
62Oriole-Feather Headdress (Once Only)HatThe Toot OrioleThis is a headdress made from the feathers of the Toot Oriole.
954Orphan Baby Yeti (Retired)FamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis cute little guy looks to have been separated from his big, furry parents. Poor kid -- he's shivering and looking at you with his big, yet somehow beady, eyes.
1080Oyster Basket (Retired)AccessoryThe Demon MarketThis is a basket used for hunting the eggs hidden all over the Kingdom by the Enchanted Flying Oyster. If you don't have one of these equipped, you won't be able to find any oyster eggs. If you find some, go ahead and put all of them in this one basket, though.
502Pagoda PlansInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a set of plans for building a big pagoda.
294Pail (Retired)HatThe Daily DungeonThis is an ordinary metal pail.
575Painful Penne PastaFoodInventory - CookThis is a bowl of pasta so spicy that smelling it puts hair on your nose's chest. On a related note, you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, and you can cut your chest hair, but you can't pick your friend's nose or cut your friend's nose's chest hair.
858Palm-Frond ToupeeFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThough this toupee won't show the way when summer brings you down, it will allow your volleyball to shower, swim, and play tennis, all with its new hair! Or at least up its confidence so it works a little harder.
91Pants KitThe MeatsmithWith the pants kit (cuffs and a belt) you can make snazzy pants.
599Pants Of The Slug Lord (Once Only)PantsInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a pair of pants made of what appears to be slug skin. They're durable and weather resistant, and they leave a shiny trail behind you everywhere you go.
498PapayaFoodThe PalindomeThis is a papaya -- it's as tasty to eat as it is fun to say!
524Papaya SlingBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a cocktail made from a slung papaya.
844Papaya SlungBoozeBlown Up BartenderThis is a cocktail that looks like it was made from a smashed papaya that somebody picked up off the ground. It smells vaguely of alcohol, and strongly of dirt.
558Papaya TacoFoodInventory - CookThis is pretty much what you'd expect -- a taco shell with a papaya in it. It looks tasty enough for even the Pope to enjoy it!
926Papotion Of PapowerUsableInventory - CookThis is a potion made of the distilled essence of papaya. It smells Mystical
68Pasta Of PerilWeaponInventory - CombineThis is a contraption which could best be described as ?a gravel-filled spaghetti catapult.? It's as dangerous as it is implausible.
5Pasta SpoonWeaponThe SewerThis is a pasta spoon, weapon of choice of the Pastamancers.
208Patchouli Incense StickUsableThe Hippy CampThis is a stick of foul-smelling patchouli incense.
396Penguin ShortsPantsInventory - SmithThese are shorts made of penguin skin. There wasn't enough skin to make long pants. These allow you to slide around pretty quickly on your ass.
393Penguin SkinMultiple, Format ComingThis is the skin from a penguin, which has had all of the feathers removed. This would probably make a nice pair of tuxedo pants.
1035Penguin Skin BucklerAccessoryInventory - SmithThis is a buckler made of penguin skin. Tuxedos do not have buckles. Discuss.
1030Penguin WhipWeaponInventory - SmithThis is a whip made of penguin skin instead of leather. It has some very persuasive barbs on the tip.
953Penguin-Smacking ClubFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is two slices of bread around some bacon, penguin-smacking, and lettuce. It has an olive on a toothpick stuck through it. Nah. It's actually a big icicle that Yetis use to smack penguins to see how far they'll fly.
604Penultimate Fantasy ChestUsableThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a chest you found on The Penultimate Fantasy Airship. It probably contains goodies.
1016Perpendicular HulaBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a daiquiri that has been frozen even more thoroughly than it was before. It's sort of like a rumsicle.
1083Personal Raindrop (Retired)FamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis is your own personal raindrop. Something to fall in your hair, something that cares.
222Phat Turquoise BeadThe Hippy CampYou know what your wrist needs? A big phat turquoise bracelet.
223Phat Turquoise BraceletAccessoryInventory - CombineThis is a phat bead, man. Like, groovy.
593Phonics DownUsableThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a handful of soft feathers from the legendary Phonics. With the advent of instant messaging, the great bird is said to have spontaneously combusted. Legend tells that the Phonics will one day be reborn, and that the rivers will run red with the blood of those who cannot spell.
630Photoprotoneutron TorpedoCombat ItemThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is one of the magical and technological weapons used by the MagiMechTech MechaMechs. It looks awfully dangerous. And dangerously awful.
280Pick-O-Matic LockpicksThe Daily DungeonThis is a set of lockpicks. You can pick your locks, and you can pick your friends, and with these, you'll be able to pick your friends' locks.
299Pickle-Flavored Chewing GumUsableSouth Of The BorderYou're not even sure this stuff *is* chewing gum. It's got a hard sugar coating over a wee tiny bit of some mildly squishy substance. You're not convinced that being chewy and gummy automatically make something chewing gum. I mean, pencil erasers fall into that category. Except for the sugar part.
160Pie CrustInventory - CookThis is a pie crust. If you put something tasty in it and cook it, it will more than likely become a pie.
262Piece Of Wedding CakeFoodWhitey's GroveHere comes the bride -- down your gullet!
206Piercing PostThe Hippy CampThis is a post for making handmade jewelry.
1161Pile Of CandyUsableSouth Of The BorderThis is a pile of assorted candies. You're guessing it contains somewhere between 3 and 5 individual pieces of candy, and that those pieces of candy will be selected, at random from a list of possibilities when you sort the pile out.
97Pimpin' Meat HatHatInventory - CombineThis hat be stylin'. Nobody best be steppin' to you while you're wearing it. Yeeah.
867Pine TarUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableThis is pine tar from a lumberjack axe-handle. Tarnation, this stuff is sticky.
556Pine-Fresh Air FreshenerAccessoryThe Bat Hole EntrywayThis is an air freshener shaped like a little tree. You could probably wear it around your neck.
684Pink PonyBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of vodka, cranberry juice, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
406Pirate PelvisThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is the pelvis of a pirate. Alas, it no longer posesses any booty. Arrr.
699Pirate ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
407Pirate SkullUsableInventory - CombineThis is a pirate skull. Actually, it's just a skull with an eyepatch on it, and a brain inside. And a pirate's ghost inside it. So I guess it really is a pirate skull, from a certain point of view. From a certain point of view?
688Pixel HatHatThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedThis is a stylish hat made out of pixels. This hat would make you look like some sort of low-resolution Robin Hood. Or maybe a poorly digitized Robin Williams.
689Pixel PantsPantsThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedThis is a pair of stylish pants made out of pixels. They look durable, like they were made for a plumber, or somebody else who spends a lot of time on their knees.
690Pixel SwordWeaponThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedMaster using it and you can have this. Wait, what? First of all, how could you master using it unless you had it? Second of all, you already have it, so it's kind of moot.
912Pixellated Candy HeartUsableHalloweenThis is a heart-shaped piece of candy that appears to have been crafted from red pixels.
323Plain PizzaFoodInventory - CookThis is a pizza with nothing on it -- not even cheese.
608Plastic Wrap Immateria (Once Only)The Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a small sphere of the purified essense of plastic wrap. It's very transparent.
613Plot HoleCombat ItemThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis thing... it just doesn't add up.
818Plus Sign (Once Only)UsableThe Enormous Greater-Than SignThis is a plus sign. It's about a foot tall, and about a foot wide. It's sort of heavy.
753Pointy MushroomUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
707Pork Elf Goodies SackUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
706PorquoiseUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
721Porquoise BraceletUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
719Porquoise Eyebrow RingUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
720Porquoise NecklaceUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
722Porquoise RingUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
288Potato SproutFamiliarThe Daily DungeonThis is a potato sprout. It's wriggling around a lot.
793Potion Of Chalky EqualityUsableInventory - CookThis is a potion made up of the concentrated essence of cranberries, and the extreme chalkiness is sure to have wondrous effects on your stats. Or at least interesting effects, such as making your Mysticality and your Moxie equal to your Muscle.
426Potion Of Temporary Gr8nessUsableInventory - CookThis potion will make you feel gr8 for a while. If you and some other people drank this, and then a cartoon tiger saw you, he'd probably say something along the lines of ?They're gr8!? Then you could beat him up and steal his jaunty bandana.
1164PoultrygeistSouth Of The BorderThis is the spirit of a fighting rooster which fought one fight too many. It hovers above the ground and makes spooooky clucking noises. Y'know, as spooky as clucking noises can be.
800PoutineUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableThis is an unpronouncable, yet palatable, blend of cheese curd and gravy. Mmm, curd.
817Pr0n Chow MeinFoodInventory - CookThis tasty dish has all the eastern mystique of chow-mein and all the questionable hygiene of the Knob Goblins and their filthy sausages.
554Pr0n CocktailFoodInventory - CookThis is a bowl full of pr0n parts in a zesty sauce. Expensive!
537Pr0n LegsThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThese are the legs of a pr0n. They look seductively delicious, but they need a little somethin' somethin'.
577Pr0n M4nic0ttiFoodInventory - CookThis is a pasta dish made with pr0n legs. It glistens with 1337ness.
812Pr0n Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a stir-fry of pr0n and olives. It looks very salty. Yarrr.
561Pregnant MushroomFamiliarInventory - CookThis is a mushroom that has been fertilized with some fairy gravy. It's a fecund fungus. A tumescent toadstool.
647PresentUsableInventory - CombineThis is a box wrapped in wrapping paper. What could be inside?
451Pretentious Paint (Once Only)The Haunted PantryThis is a palette covered with several colors of pretentious paint. There's Overblown Orange, Ironic Indigo, Sarcastic Scarlet. Every color of the hipster rainbow.
450Pretentious Paintbrush (Once Only)The Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobThis paintbrush appears to have been used to create a large number of pretentious paintings. You know -- ones with deep inner meaning and symbolism and stuff.
78Pretty BouquetUsableInventory - CombineThis is a bouquet of pretty flowers from The Campground.
39Pretty FlowerUsablePvPThis is a beautiful flower.
614Probability PotionUsableThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyYou probably ought to drink this, but then... maybe you shouldn't. But you probably should.
610Procrastination PotionUsableThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyThis is a vial of a lazily bubbling substance, the color of tomorrow. Or, y'know, the day after.
851Prosthetic ForeheadFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a prosthetic forehead for your goat to wear on its real head. Everybody wants one of these and now you've got one. It'll enable your goat to hit harder without damaging its skull.
1058Puce Paisley Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a puce paisley pattern. Say it with me: ?puce paisley pattern? Isn't alliteration fun? And easier to spell than onomatopoeia?
1059Puce Plastic Oyster EggCombat ItemOyster DayThis is a puce plastic imitation oyster egg. Apparently there's been some advance in plastic making technology that you were unaware of, because as far as you can remember, this is the first time you've ever seen puce plastic.
1057Puce Polka-Dot Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with puce polka dots. It looks sort of like a disease. Or like an egg that has a disease. Some sort of egg disease. Maybe egg-czema?
1056Puce Striped Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, covered in puce stripes. One day you woke up covered in puce stripes. Man, that was a bad day.
467Purple Pixel PieFoodThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedThis is a pie, made of delicious purple Pixels. Smells delicious.
652Quantum Egg (Once Only)Inventory - Use Specific ItemThis is an egg laid by a quantum duck. Its position and velocity are uncertain. This would make a good power source for some sort of airborne vehicle.
921Radio Button CandyFoodThe KoL RadioThis is a roll of paper with tiny little buttons of candy stuck to it. You can only select one piece of candy at a time. These candies were a gift, or possibly a prize, from the fine folks at Radio KoL.
918Radio Free Baseball CapHatThe KoL RadioUnlike the Orcish Frat Boy caps, this stylish headgear is completely free of the stench of repressed homosexuality. It was also a free gift, or possibly a prize, given to a loyal Radio KoL listener.
920Radio Free FoilWeaponThe KoL RadioThis is a shiny metal foil. It's good for swordfighting and for keeping leftovers fresh. If you smack somebody with it and they say ?Curses, foiled again!?, feel free to beat them to a pulp.
919Radio Free PantsPantsThe KoL RadioThese pants are completely free of all radio. And they were given to a loyal Radio KoL listener for free as well. They're nice and roomy, and stylish as all get out. Or at least nine tenths of a get out.
1084Rainbow TieFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis tie has all the colors of the rainbow in it - black, white, ebony, ivory, obsidian, milk, and onyx. It'll make your personal raincloud rain even more on you, even if you didn't lie when you were seventeen.
198Rat AppendixMultiple, Format ComingThis is the appendix from a rat. It's squishy.
815Rat Appendix Chow MeinFoodInventory - CookYou never would have guessed rat guts and Asian cuisine would go so well together. I mean, unless you've eaten at some of the Chinese take-out places I've eaten at. Or the places at which I've eaten, if the Grammar Police are watching.
810Rat Appendix Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a delicious-smelling stir-fry of rat appendixes and vegetables. Or of rat appendices and vegetabli, whichever you prefer.
200Rat Appendix-KabobFoodInventory - CookThis is a skewer with several chunks of roasted rat appendix on it. Smells delicious.
197Rat WhiskerThe Typical TavernThis is the whisker from one of the rats who lives beneath The Typical Tavern.
562RatgutThe Batrat and Ratbat BurrowThis is a gut from a rat. Or something other than a rat, but something that had rat guts. Either internally, or maybe just carrying them in a bucket or something.
576Ravioli Della HippyFoodInventory - CookThis is a dish made with noodles and tofu. Since tofu takes on the flavor of whatever you cook it with, in this case it tastes like... plain pasta. Yum, I guess.
6Ravioli HatHatThe SewerThis is a hat fashioned from an oversized ravioli.
559Razor-Sharp Can LidCombat ItemThe Haunted PantryThis is the lid from a tin can. It's really sharp around the edges. You could probably throw this at something and hurt it fairly badly
29Really Really Sticky Spider WebInventory - CombineThis is like a really sticky spider web, only even stickier. Still smells like spiders, though.
28Really Sticky Spider WebInventory - CombineThis is like a spider web, only even stickier.
1050Red Paisley Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a red paisley pattern. The pattern is at once soothing and infuriating.
461Red PixelThe 8-Bit RealmThis strange object appears to be a red dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Mysterious.
464Red Pixel PotionCombat/Usable ItemThe Crackpot Mystic's ShedThis is a digitized potion. It's red. That probably means it'll restore HP.
1051Red Plastic Oyster EggCombat ItemOyster DayThis is a red plastic imitation oyster egg. Did you ever notice how there really just aren't that many jokes you can make about things being made of plastic?
1049Red Polka-Dot Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with red polka dots. Just like a Communist accordion player with the measles
1048Red Striped Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with red stripes. Hooray, egg! Boo, tea.
523Rewinged Stab BatFamiliarInventory - CombineThis is a fully rewinged dewinged stab bat. Have you heard my new band, The Joke That Got Repeated Until It Wasn't Funny Anymore?
665Richard's Star KeyInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a key made of stars and lines. It pulses in a complex, syncopated rhythm.
586Ridiculously Huge SwordWeaponThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis sword is the size of a cricket bat and looks about as sharp as your thumb, but somehow it does a whole lot of damage.
835Ring Of Aggravate MonsterAccessoryThe Dungeons Of DoomThis is a ring that makes monsters angry at you. Er, I suppose ?angrier? would be a better word, since monsters are already pretty angry at you.
286Ring Of Half-Assed RegenerationAccessoryThe Daily DungeonWhen you're wearing this ring, you'll slowly heal over time. Sort of.
708Ring SettingDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableThis is a ring that makes monsters angry at you. Er, I suppose ?angrier? would be a better word, since monsters are already pretty angry at you.
50Rock and Roll LegendRanged WeaponInventory - CombineThis accordion rocks. Enough said.
906Rock PopsUsableHalloweenThis ?candy? looks to be a handful of gravel, infused with gaseous vapors and coated in sugar. Guaranteed to be as good for your teeth as it is your digestive tract.
797Rockin' WagonBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of rum, cola, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
679Roll In The HayBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of whiskey, cola, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
400Roll Of Drink TicketsUsableThe Orcish Frat House (In Disguise)This is a roll of tickets, each of which is good for one free drink at The Orcish Frat House.
873Rolling PinUsableThe Bugbear BakeryThis is a rolling pin. This thing looks like it'd be perfect for turning mass quantities of dough into mass quantities of flat dough.
830Royal JellyFoodThe Dungeons Of DoomThis is a lump of royal jelly. It's like grape jelly, only instead of purple, it's royal blue.
292Rubber AxeWeaponThe Daily DungeonThis is an axe made of rubber. It's surprisingly heavy. You could use it to cleave someone's skull, or to axe someone something.
468Ruby WMultiple, Format ComingThis is a giant ruby in the shape of the letter W. That's... weird...
789Rum and ColaBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a refreshing cocktail made out of rum and cola (big surprise, eh?) Some people call this a Cuba Libre, but then the bartender says ?a what?? and they're forced to look at their feet and say ?a rum and cola.? Then the bartender laughs at them, and probably sleeps with their girlfriend.
82Rusty L-Shaped Piece Of MetalThe Haiku DungeonThis is a rusty piece of metal, shaped like an L. The name of the item pretty much entirely describes it.
454Rusty Screwdriver (Once Only)Degrassi KnollThis is a rusty old screwdriver. Perhaps it once belonged to somebody named Rusty. Or perhaps not. The Untinker would probably be pretty pleased if you took this back to him.
609S.O.C.K (Once Only)The Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is the Sub-Orbital Conveyance of the Kingdom, which is a fancy-schmancy way of saying it's a small boat for traveling in the lower atmosphere. Which is a fancy way of saying it... moves... through... sky.
334Sabre TeethWeaponThe GoatletThese are a couple of sabre teeth. They're big, nasty, and pointy.
335Sabre-Toothed Lime CubFamiliarInventory - CombineThis is a baby sabre-toothed lime.
416Safarrri HatHatThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a hat which certain pirates wear when they go on safari. They also wear them back at the gentlemens' club when they go on and on about what happened to them on their safari.
248Salty DogBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a delicious glass of gin and juice, with salt around the rim.
843Salty SlugBoozeBlown Up BartenderThis is a glass of gin, juice, and some shiny goo, on the origin of which you'd rather not speculate. Please give that sentence some respect -- it had to work very hard not to end with a preposition. Also the second one, for not splitting its infinitive.
1022SangriaBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is sangria. It's like blood, except instead of plasma it has wine, and instead of blood cells it has bits of cherry. But other than that, it's exactly like blood.
1025Sangria Del DiabloBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a delicious cocktail made of sangria, with a little extra kick. When you drink this, you might not be runnin' with the devil, but at least you'll be drinkin' with him.
580Sauce Of The AgesInventory - CookDaddy would you like some Sauceoftheages? Daddy would you like some Sauce of the Ages?
7SaucepanWeaponMultiple, Format ComingThis is a saucepan, which can be used to beat something about the head and neck. Unless that something doesn't have a head and/or a neck, in which case it could be used to beat it about whatever passes for a head and neck in its particular case.
324Sausage PizzaFoodInventory - CookThis is a pizza with big chunks of sausage on it. Mmmmm.
250ScrewdriverBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is your basic screwdriver. If you'd made it with Milk of Magnesia instead of orange juice, it'd be a Phillips Screwdriver.
595Scroll Of Drastic HealingUsableThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis scroll contains the incantations necessary to heal you right up to your maximum HP. It's printed on really nice paper, too.
780Scroll Of Pasta Summoning (Retired)UsableThe Icy PeakThis is a scroll used by the Penguin Mafia Pasta Chefs when they need to whip up some delicious pasta in a big hurry. Or some big pasta in a delicious hurry. More often the former than the latter.
4Scroll Of Turtle SummoningUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a scroll which, when read, summons turtles to do the bidding of the reader.
346Scrumptious ReagentMultiple, Format ComingThis is a substance with mystical properties which allow it to combine with many food items to make a variety of sauces and salves. It can only be used by powerful Saucerors.
2Seal ToothUsableThe SewerThis is the tooth from a baby seal. It's like a smaller version of the tooth from an adult seal.
1Seal-Clubbing ClubWeaponThe SewerThis is a club used to club seals. You could probably club other things with it, too.
31Seal-Toothed RockInventory - CombineThis is a big rock with a seal's tooth fastened to it.
205Secret Blend Of Herbs and SpicesThe Hippy Camp (In Disguise)This is a secret blend of herbs and spices. It's the kind of thing that's probably been in somebody's family for generations.
911Senior MintsUsableHalloweenLet me tell ya, young'un, back in my day these were the only candies we could get. None of your fancy Sugar Bombs, or the Holy Crap, This is Sours -- this was all we had. And we liked it!
745Serrated Proboscis ExtensionUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
922Severed Rocking Horse Head (Retired)AccessoryUncle P's Antiques - Back Room (Retired)This is a wooden horse head that seems to have been brutally severed from a wooden rocking horse. What kind of sicko would do this to a defenseless inanimate object? And why would they send it to you? And why would they bother gluing a safety pin to it so you could wear it on your lapel?
866Shaving CremeUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableThis is a can of shaving cream once used by lumberjacks. It has a variety of uses. Well, at least two. Or maybe just one.
199Shiny Ring (Once Only)AccessoryThe Typical TavernThis is a ring which is both shiny and magical.
856Shock CollarFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaWhat y'all wanna do? Wanna be ballers, shock collars, brawlers? I didn't think so. But this collar ought to make your stab-bat a little better behaved. Er, more well behaved. Weller behaved?
1148Shot Of Flower SchnappsBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a shot of schnapps made from flowers. It's sort of like wine made from dandelions, only it won't bore you to death.
254Shot Of Grapefruit SchnappsBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a shot of fermented grapefruit juice. It's not just for breakfast anymore!
253Shot Of Orange SchnappsBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a shot of fermented orange juice. You could probably drink 50 of these. No, wait, no you couldn't.
256Shot Of Tomato SchnappsBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a shot of fermented tomato juice. You can think of nastier things than this, but you can't think of many.
742ShroomkabobFoodInventory - CookThis is a Knoll mushroom cooked on a skewer. It smells much better than an uncooked Knoll mushroom, though that isn't saying much. Y'know, for a sentence that wasn't saying much, that sentence certainly had the word ?much? in it a bunch of times. Or twice.
961Silk Garter Snake (Retired)FamiliarThe Mr. StoreThis is an adorable pink silk garter snake. If only there was a naive naked couple around to whom it could offer a pink silk apple.
410Sk8boardAccessoryThe eXtreme SlopeThis is a rad sk8board. You could kick ass much faster on this.
163Skeleton BoneWeaponMultiple, Format ComingThis is a bone from a skeleton. As opposed to all of those other kinds of bones.
642Skeleton KeyMultiple, Format ComingThis is a generic key made of skeleton parts. It looks like just the thing for dungeon doors.
643Skeleton Key RingUsableThe Daily DungeonThis is a ring full of skeleton keys.
165SkewerMultiple, Format ComingThis is a simple wooden skewer. You could probably cook stuff on it.
863Skewer Mounted Razor BladeFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a razor blade designed specifically for attachment to the skewer of a ghost pickle on a stick. While wearing this, the pickle's eye-poking power takes on a much more... wince-inducing quality. Skull Of The Bonerdagon:
503Skewered Cat AppendixFoodInventory - CookThis is a delicious cat appendix cooked on a skewer. A delicious skewer. Actually, I was just kidding. The skewer isn't delicious.
947Skewered CherryInventory - CocktailThis is a big fat cherry with a sword stuck through it.
945Skewered Jumbo OliveInventory - CocktailThis is a jumbo olive that has been sworded.
946Skewered LimeInventory - CocktailThis is a lime with a sword through it. Or a sword through a lime, depending on which part of it you want to focus on.
675Skull Of The Bonerdagon (Once Only)The Haert Of The CyrptThis is the skull that was once attached to the neck of the bonerdagon. The Council would probably be interested in seeing this.
680Slap and TickleBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of gin, grapefruit juice, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
59SlingshotRanged WeaponThe Demon MarketThis is a fairly straightforward slingshot. You can use it to shoot rocks at things, or presumably to shoot things at rocks, provided that the things are relatively small.
681Slip 'N' SlideBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of vodka, orange juice, a tiny umbrella, and a name designed to make you blush.
831Small BoxUsableThe Dungeons Of DoomThis is a small box. It more than likely contains a some things. Not too many things, though, because as you remember, this box is pretty small.
939Small Crimbo Pressie (Retired)UsableCrimbo 2004This is a small box with a bow on it. What could be inside? 'Tis the season to find out.
164Smart SkullUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a skull with glasses. It would probably be pretty smart, if only it wasn't empty.
900Smile Sharpening StoneFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a small whetstone used by Cheshire Bats to sharpen their smiles, and to whet their appetites.
822Smoky PotionUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
485Snakehead CharrrmThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis charrrm looks like the head of a snake, which is why it's called a Snakehead Charrrm. I mean, it wouldn't make any sense to call it a Moosehead Charrrm, now, would it?
290Sneaky Pete's Breath SprayAccessoryThe Daily DungeonThis is a can of breath spray once carried by Sneaky Pete, the most Moxious of the Thieves of the Times of Old. Some of his Moxie must've rubbed off on it.
284Sneaky Pete's KeyThe Daily DungeonThis is the key to the Shrine of Sneaky Pete, in the Big Mountains.
512Sneaky Pete's Key LimeInventory - CookThis is a lime, with Sneaky Pete's Key baked into it.
515Sneaky Pete's Key Lime PieFoodInventory - CookThis is a key lime pie with the essence of Sneaky Pete baked into it. It oozes with flavor and Moxie.
33SnorkelHatThe Demon MarketThis is a snorkel. For the purposes of this game, you can use it to breathe underwater.
356Snowboarder PantsPantsThe eXtreme SlopeThis is a pair of pants which has somehow learned how to snowboard.
453Sober Pill (Retired)UsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a pill which will render you sober. So you can start drinking again. Lush.
1003Soda WaterUsableThe Demon MarketThis is a single-serving bottle of soda water. It's like a single serving of water with a single serving of carbon dioxide infused into it.
588Soft Green Echo Eyedrop AntidoteUsableThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a vial filled with a remarkably versatile liquid. It will fix just about anything that could be wrong with you.
697Soggy Wofl T-ShirtUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
563Sonar-In-A-BiscuitCombat/Usable ItemThe Guano JunctionThis is one of those flavored crackers, but it appears to be flavored with piercing waves of high-pitched sound. It's incredible, and inedible.
67Spaghetti With Rock BallsInventory - CombineThis is some spaghetti, into which has been crumbled a huge rock.It doesn't look appetizing, but it looks dangerous.
584Spaghetti With SkullheadsFoodInventory - CookThis is a bowl of spaghetti swimming with smallish skull-shaped sausage chunks. It looks as good as it smells, and, inexplicably, looks as well as it smells, too.
545Spam Witch SammichFoodThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThis is a sandwich made by a Spam Witch. You know why Spam Witches can't starve if they're at the beach? Because they can always eat the sand which is there.
903Spasmi Dolorosi Del Rene Champagne (Retired)BoozeUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)This is a bottle of fine Champagne, straight from the carbonated vineyards of the Old Country. This would be a perfect thing to have at brunch, if you were the kind of person who had brunch. Here's hoping you're not, though, and that you'll just lay in an alley somewhere and swill it straight out of the bottle.
531Special Sauce GloveAccessoryGouda's Grimoire And GroceryThis is a glove which has been imbued with Special Sauce. It could be used to protect you from the damaging effects of cold beverages, but it'd be better if you used it to wield your staff against, oh, I dunno. Some Rodeo Clowns or something.
764Spectral PickleFoodInventory - CookThis is a ghostly pickle. If you were inside this, you might say ?I'm in a ghostly pickle!? You might also say that if you were in some sort of difficult situation involving ghosts.
931Spiced RumBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is some rum infused with spices. The stench of it reminds you of traffic, crowded stores, and fighting with your family. Oh, I mean, the smell of it reminds you of the holidays. In a good way
8SpicesUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a can of secret and mysterious spices. It could be used to give something a secret and/or mysterious flavor.
315Spicy Bean BurritoFoodInventory - CookThis is a bean burrito which has been kicked up a notch. BAM!
318Spicy Enchanted Bean BurritoFoodInventory - CookThis is an enchanted bean burrito which has been kicked up a notch. BAM!
750Spicy Mushroom QuesadillaUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
17Spicy NoodlesFoodInventory - CookThis is a bowl of noodles, which has been cooked with spices. The spices make the noodles spicier.
27Spider WebCombat ItemThe Sleazy Back AlleyThis is the web from a spider. It's sort of sticky, and it smells like spiders.
668Spiked FemurWeaponMultiple, Format ComingThis is a human femur with a number of bony spikes protruding from it.
952Spooky Hockey MaskHatCampgroundThis is a hockey mask, of the really, really spooky variety. Most hockey masks make you think ?Oh, hey, there must be a goalie behind that!? This one, on the other hand, makes you think ?Oh, hey, I should run, run, run, run, run, run, run away. From that psycho killer.?
724Spooky MushroomFoodThe Spooky ForestThis is a mushroom found in the dark copses of The Spooky Forest. The cap looks sort of like a skull. Which makes the stem look sort of like a neck. A really long neck. Speaking of spooky mushrooms, you know what's spookier than a spooky mushroom? An entire spooky mushhouse!
408Spooky Pirate SkeletonFamiliarInventory - CombineThis is a spooky pirate skeleton. It doesn't look very comfortable. To sit on, I mean, It's all bony and would probably injure your booty.
75Spooky SaplingUsableThe Spooky ForestThis is a sapling from The Spooky Forest. It twitches with magicalness. You can feel it trying to grow larger.
104Spooky ScarecrowUsableInventory - CombineThis is a scarecrow made out of a Spooky Skull, a Spooky Stick, and some stakes. The stakes are decidedly non-spooky.
102Spooky Shrunken HeadThe Spooky ForestThis shrunken head is spooky, man. It's like it's grinning and staring at you.
103Spooky StaffWeaponInventory - CombineThis is a staff made out of a spooky stick and a spooky shrunken head. The overall effect is... spooky.
77Spooky StickWeaponThe Spooky ForestThis is a stick from a tree in The Spooky Forest. It's pretty heavy. You could probably whack some stuff with it pretty effectively.
805Spooky Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a delectable-looking stir-fry of seasoned spooky mushrooms. It smells tasty. Spoooookily tasty.
74Spooky Temple MapUsableThe Spooky ForestThis is a map which tells you how to get to the Spooky Temple, deep within The Spooky Forest.
76Spooky-Gro FertilizerUsableThe Spooky ForestThis is a can of fertilizer spray. It radiates a faint magical aura. It's funny how many things radiate a faint magical aura.
768SporkWeaponThe Limerick DungeonThis is a spork, which is a plastic implement combining the properties of both a spoon and a fork. While you might think that would result in a fork with big, flat, dull prongs, you'd be wrong -- that object would actually be a foon.
530Spray PaintUsableThe Demon MarketThis is a can of spray paint which has been enchanted to change colors in response to the will of the sprayer. It'd be good for tagging things.
118SpringMultiple, Format ComingThis is a spring. Springy!
119SprocketMultiple, Format ComingThis is a sprocket. Sprockety!
121Sprocket AssemblyInventory - CombineThis assembly is made out of a sprocket and a spring.
560Stalk Of AsparagusFoodThe Haunted PantryThis is a stalk of cooked asparagus. Looks awfully tasty.
654StarThe Hole In The SkyThis is a tiny piece of a constellation. Funny. You always thought that stars were bigger, and further away.
662Star BucklerAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a buckler made of stars and lines. You have a feeling that if this thing goes unchecked, there will eventually be one on every corner.
656Star ChartThe Hole In The SkyThis chart is a device used by astronomers for deciding that a random cluster of stars actually looks like something.
658Star CrossbowRanged WeaponInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a crossbow made of stars and lines. If you were the female element of a pair of star-crossed lovers, you could give this star crossbow to your star-crossed beau. If not, you can just shoot stuff with it. Hey! Shooting stars!
661Star HatHatInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a hat made out of stars and lines. It looks sort of like a wizard's hat, except the stars are woven into it instead of printed on it.
660Star PantsPantsInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a pair of pants made out of stars and lines. They're both light and light-emitting.
659Star StaffWeaponInventory - Use Specific ItemThis staff is made of stars and lines. It looks sort of like a shepherd's crook, but you're no shepherd, as is evidenced by the fact that you'd rather use this staff to smite your enemies than to... er... do whatever it is shepherds do with their crooks.
664Star StarfishFamiliarInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a smallish starfish made out of stars and lines. Kurt Vonnegut would probably enjoy having this thing as a pet.
657Star SwordWeaponInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a sword made of dots and lines. Just a sword made of dots and lines.
663Star Throwing StarCombat ItemInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a throwing star made out of stars and lines. It's like, fractal, man.
746Stat ScriptUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a scroll which contains a sequence of incomprehensible characters, organized in sets of curly braces.
666Steaming Evil (Retired)WeaponThe Hermit's LaboratoryThis is a fist-sized chunk of pure evil, stolen from the Hermit's secret underground laboratory.
128Sticky Meat PantsPantsInventory - SmithThis is one sticky pair of meat pants. Stylish, man. Stylish.
757Stinky MushroomDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
11Stolen AccordionRanged WeaponThe SewerThis is an accordion, which you stole from someone, you big jerk.
53Stone BanjoWeaponInventory - CombineThis is a banjo made out of a big rock. You'd think it'd be easy to come up with a clever way to describe this, but you'd be wrong.
144Stone Of eXtreme Power (Retired)The Distant Lands Dude Ranch VacationThis stone is very magical. Shiny, too!
738Stone Tablet (Really Evil Rhythm) (Once Only)The Perplexing DoorThis is a stone tablet with the words ?Really Evil Rhythm? carved into the top. The rest of the tablet contains a few bars of a rhythm line.
736Stone Tablet (Sinister Strumming) (Once Only)The Perplexing DoorThis is a stone tablet with the words ?Sinister Strumming? carved into the top. This is followed by what appears to be a few lines of guitar tablature.
737Stone Tablet (Squeezings Of Woe) (Once Only)The Perplexing DoorThis is a stone tablet with the words ?Squeezings of Woe? carved into the top, followed by a few bars of what looks like accordion music.
520Strange Leaflet (Once Only)The Council Of LoathingThis is a strange leaflet that arrived at the Council of Loathing with your name on it. The return address reads: The Frobozz Magic Leaflet Company Next To The Lighthouse Festeron, Antharia, 23-52-1
786StrawberryFoodThe Hippy StoreThis is a plump, juicy strawberry. Jumpin' Pluicy, that's plump 'n' juicy!
788Strawberry DaiquiriBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made of rum and strawberries. These things are primarily consumed by women, and by men who are too much like women to drink real booze.
1014Strawberry WineBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a glass of strawberry wine, like the kind all the high school girls drink out behind Old Man Boone's barn.
1043String Of Blue BeadsAccessorySt. Sneaky Pete's DayThis is a cheap necklace made out of blue plastic beads. Perhaps you could give it to someone in exchange for something. Y'know, just... something.
1044String Of Green BeadsAccessorySt. Sneaky Pete's DayThis is a cheap necklace made out of green plastic beads. Perhaps you could give it to someone in exchange for something. Y'know, just... something.
1042String Of Red BeadsAccessorySt. Sneaky Pete's DayThis is a cheap necklace made out of red plastic beads. Perhaps you could give it to someone in exchange for something. Y'know, just... something.
15Strongness ElixirUsableMultiple, Format ComingWhen consumed, this elixir increases your Strongness.
22Studded Leather Boxer ShortsPantsThe Demon MarketThis is a pair of studded leather boxer shorts. There are studs on the outside -- is there one on the inside?
403Stuffed Shoulder ParrotAccessoryThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a stuffed parrot with a strap for mounting it on your shoulder. Ahoy, matey.
743Stuffed Spooky MushroomFoodInventory - CookThis is a spooky mushroom stuffed with goat cheese. It looks really good. Looking at it leads you to believe that it would also taste really good. Smelling it -- oh yeah.
1117Stupid University Diploma (Jick)JickThis certificate proves that the recipient was educated stupid at Stupid University. Rest assured he has the kind of stupid education only evil educators can provide.
854Sucky DecalFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaIt's been said that nothing in the Kingdom sucks harder than the Barrnacle, but that's not quite true. Nothing sucks harder than a barrnacle equipped with this sucky sticker. Or sticky sucker. Whichever. Sunken Chest:
405Sunken ChestUsableThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThis is a sunken chest, ostensibly full of pirate booty. It appears to be sealed pretty securely.
279Suntan Lotion Of MoxiousnessUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a bottle of enchanted suntan lotion. It will increase your Moxie by giving you an attractive, even tan, with no burning.
587Super-Spikey Hair GelUsableThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis hair fixative looks like it'd be good for making unbelievably spikey hair.
778Support Cummerbund (Retired)AccessoryThe Icy PeakThis is a cummerbund formerly worn by a Mob Penguin Soprano. It'll give you the support you need to hit those high notes. You're not sure if it does so by uttering soothing phrases of encouragement, or by preventing you from getting a hernia.
402Swashbuckling PantsPantsThe Obligatory Pirate's CoveThese are the sort of pants worn by a swashbuckler. If you need some swashes buckled, or maybe some buckles swashed, look no further than whoever's wearing these pants. Unless it's you, because you have no idea how to do either of those things.
21Sweet Ninja SwordWeaponMultiple, Format ComingDude, that is one sweet ninja sword. Where'd you get it, man?
135Sweet RimsThe HermitageMan. Check out the chrome on those babies. Those are some sweet rims.
820Swirly PotionUsableInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a potion in a bottle shaped like an exclamation point. How is that possible, you might ask? You might, but you aren't likely to get an answer.
89Sword HiltThe MeatsmithThis is the hilt of a sword. Well, it's not the hilt of a sword yet, but it will be once you make a sword using it.
86T-Bone KeyUsableInventory - CombineThis is a key shaped like a T. It's made out of two things which were shaped like Ls.
359T8r TotsFoodThe eXtreme SlopeThese are crunchy and delicious t8r snacks, filled with eXtreme carbohydr8s.
173Taco ShellMultiple, Format ComingThis is a crispy taco shell. You could probably fill it with something and cook it to make a tasty taco. And by ?probably,? I mean"definitely." "174
486Talisman O'NamAccessoryInventory - CombineThis unwieldily-named tchotchke resembles a snake head eating the head on the opposite side.
877Talisman Of BaioAccessoryThe Spooky ForestThis is an amulet that contains the purified essence of the Baiowulf. The container is, unsurprisingly, shaped like the face of Scott Baio. The faces of Ronald and Grimace are reflected in its beady little eyes.
297Tamarind-Flavored Chewing GumUsableSouth Of The BorderYou're not even sure this stuff *is* chewing gum. It's got a hard sugar coating over a wee tiny bit of some mildly squishy substance. You're not convinced that being chewy and gummy automatically make something chewing gum. I mean, pencil erasers fall into that category. Except for the sugar part.
740TambourineCombat/Usable ItemInventory - CombineThis is a tambourine. Shaking this will make a horrible noise, which could be used to provide the rhythm line for some stupid hippy music.
739Tambourine BellsThe Hippy CampThese are tiny bells that could probably be used to make a tambourine.
1115TasketThe UntinkerThis is a green tasket. What's a tasket, you ask? I don't know, I reply.
771TasselThe Limerick DungeonThis is a tassel, taken from a vassal. Perhaps he lived in a castle.
540Tasty Fun Good Rice CandyUsableMultiple, Format ComingFor good health and sparkling happy time!
24Ten-Leaf CloverUsableMultiple, Format ComingMan. This has got to be just about the luckiest thing you've ever seen.
338Tenderizing HammerCrafting ItemThe MeatsmithThis is a meat tenderizing hammer, used in the craft of Meatsmithing.
1012Tequila SunriseBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is another tequila sunrise. You're not sure where the first one went.
1021Tequila With Training WheelsBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is one of the legendary colanders from the kitchen of Em-er'il, the founder of the Guild of Pastamancers.Its kung-fu is strong.
152The Colander Of Em-er'il (Once Only - Class Based)HatThe Dark and Dank and Sinister CaveThis is one of the legendary colanders from the kitchen of Em-er'il, the founder of the Guild of Pastamancers.Its kung-fu is strong.
34The Dolphin King's Crown (Once Only)HatInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is the crown that was worn by the Dolphin King before he was killed by tuna fishermen.
26The Dolphin King's Map (Once Only)UsableThe Haunted PantryThis is a map given to you by the Dolphin King. He claimed that it leads to treasure. You're not sure if you trust him.
150The Scalp Of Gorgolok (Once Only - Class Based)HatThe Dark and Dank and Sinister CaveThis is the scalp of Gorgolok, the Infernal Seal. It's got some of his teeth attached to it, too.Here's hoping it will do you more good than it did him.
598The Slug Lord's Map (Once Only)UsableThe Sleazy Back AlleyThis is the map given to you by the ghost of the Slug Lord. He said something about it leading to pants.
620Thin Black CandleUsableThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkySee the candle, thin and black, How like my soul, it's thin and black. In the darkness we shall meet, Miasma raining at my feet. So yeah, this candle is like crappy poetry.
872Time Juice (Reitred - Eight Only)UsableThe Council Of LoathingThis is a bottle of time. One adventure's worth of time, to be precise.
606Tin Foil Immateria (Once Only)The Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a small sphere of the purified essense of tin foil. It's very shiny.
855Tiny Balloon KnifeFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis knife is as sharp as anything made out of a balloon can be. Which is to say, not at all sharp. But when wielded by a crazed inflatable simian, it's one of the deadlier balloon sculptures out there. Monkey knife-fight!
592Tiny HouseUsableThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a very small house, perfect for toting around.
859Tiny Knife and ForkFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaYour ghuol whelp will be able to eat dead flesh much more efficiently with this miniature cutlery. Watching it dine will be no less nauseating, however.
1166Tiny MaracasFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThese little movers and shakers should get your Sombrero doing a little moving and shaking of its own. Plus, think of all the jokes you can make about 'tiny maracas.'
968Tiny Plastic Accordion ThiefAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a fake plastic Accordion Thief dropping an accordion. Gravity always wins. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 2/32 (U)?
972Tiny Plastic Angry GoatAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic angry goat. It seethes with tiny plastic fury. Playing tonight at the Cake-Shaped Arena, Tiny Plastic Fury! The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 10/32 (C)?
982Tiny Plastic Baby Gravy FairyAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic baby gravy fairy bustin' tiny plastic phat moves. While listening to The Plastics, probably. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 20/32 (C)?
976Tiny Plastic BarrrnacleAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemEveryone's favorite familiar, lovingly rendered in plastic for maximum suckiness. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 14/32 (C)?
989Tiny Plastic Bitchin' Meat CarAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic bitchin' meat car. VRRROOOOMMM!! Er, I mean, VRRROOOOMMM!! The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 27/32 (U)?
980Tiny Plastic Blood-Faced VolleyballAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic blood-faced volleyball. Although it's probably just a red-paint-faced volleyball. You hope. It doesn't appear to be clotting. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 18/32 (C)?
991Tiny Plastic BorisAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic figurine of Boris, tearing a tiny plastic phone book in half. He could be your hero; he is a mighty little man. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 29/32 (R)?
987Tiny Plastic Cheshire BatAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic cheshire bat. Fortunately, they sculpted the whole bat, and not just the grin. That would have looked like dentures for some tiny plastic old guy. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 25/32 (C)?
983Tiny Plastic CocoaboAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic cocoabo. Tiny Plastic LIMIT BREAK! The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 21/32 (C)?
988Tiny Plastic Coffee PixieAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic coffee pixie. It doesn't vibrate. Do not put it in your pocket. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 26/32 (C)?
967Tiny Plastic Disco BanditAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a fake plastic Disco Bandit. It used to do surgery for girls in the 80's. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 1/32 (U)?
974Tiny Plastic Fuzzy DiceAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a set of tiny plastic fuzzy dice. Only they're not fuzzy, being made of hard plastic. So are they still fuzzy dice? Ponder that, young Padawan. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 12/32 (C)?
985Tiny Plastic Ghost Pickle On A StickAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic ghost pickle, skewered on a tiny plastic stick. It looks tiny plastic uncomfortable, truth be told. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 23/32 (C)?
981Tiny Plastic Ghuol WhelpAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic ghuol whelp. It's munching on something that, due to the size, is thankfully unidentifiable. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 19/32 (C)?
979Tiny Plastic GrueAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic grue. Basically, it's a blob of dark plastic -- which indicates darkness, not fuzz, thank you -- with two evil little glow-in-the-dark eyes. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 17/32 (C)?
990Tiny Plastic HermitAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic Hermit. No matter what anybody tells you, you can't kill him. He looks miffed that you don't have any tiny plastic trinkets for him. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 28/32 (U)?
977Tiny Plastic Howling Balloon MonkeyAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic howling balloon monkey. Congratulations, now you have a test subject for your tiny plastic medical experiments. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 15/32 (C)?
992Tiny Plastic JarlsbergAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is the great wizard Jarlsberg, rendered in plastic. He's probably fiddling with Tiny Plastic Things Tiny Plastic Men Were Not Meant To Know. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 30/32 (R)?
986Tiny Plastic Killer BeeAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic killer bee. ?Ay, el gato malodoro! The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 24/32 (C)?
970Tiny Plastic LeprechaunAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic leprechaun. If only you had a tiny plastic Jennifer Aniston for it to terrorize. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 8/32 (C)?
971Tiny Plastic Levitating PotatoAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemEveryone's second favorite familiar, rendered in shiny plastic. It kinda smells funny. You know, like a new mouse pad. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 9/32 (C)?
969Tiny Plastic MosquitoAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic mosquito. It's either a really big tiny plastic mosquito, or it's out of scale. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 7/32 (C)?
965Tiny Plastic PastamancerAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a fake plastic Pastamancer. Mmm, that's-a tiny meatball! If it could be who you wanted? The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 5/32 (U)?
973Tiny Plastic Sabre-Toothed LimeAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic sabre-toothed lime. If you had some tiny plastic vodka and tiny plastic tonic water, you could make a great choking hazard. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 11/32 (C)?
966Tiny Plastic SaucerorAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a fake plastic Sauceror, conjuring a fake polystyrene Stream of Tartar Sauce. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 6/32 (U)?
963Tiny Plastic Seal ClubberAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a fake plastic Seal Clubber, beating the hell out of a fake plastic seal. It looks like the real thing. The bottom of the base reads 'Series 1, 4/32 (U)'
993Tiny Plastic Sneaky PeteAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic figurine of Sneaky Pete. He couldn't steal your pants at that size, but keep an eye on your loose change. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 31/32 (R)?
975Tiny Plastic Spooky Pirate SkeletonAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic spooky pirate skeleton. It's pretty spooky, as far as petrolearrrm-based children's toys go. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 13/32 (C)?
978Tiny Plastic Stab BatAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic stab bat. In addition to being a choking hazard, it's also wicked sharp. Don't put it in your pocket if you don't want to change religions. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 16/32 (C)?
984Tiny Plastic Star StarfishAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a tiny plastic star starfish. Bar of chocolate and bowl of cereal sold seperately. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 22/32 (C)?
994Tiny Plastic SuzieAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a little figurine of Loathing's most eligible bachelorette, Susie. Or, it's at least a figurine of her torso glued to a figurine of a podium. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 32/32 (R)?
938Tiny Plastic Sword (Reitred)WeaponCrimbo 2004This is a tiny plastic sword, like the ones they use to skewer pieces of fruit to put in elaborate cocktails. It's also like the ones tiny plastic knights use to slay small plastic dragons.
964Tiny Plastic Turtle TamerAccessoryInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a fake plastic Turtle Tamer, forcing a fake plastic turtle to jump through a fake plastic hoop. It wears you out. The bottom of the base reads ?Series 1, 3/32 (U)?
852Tiny Shaker Of SaltFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaAll is well in Margaritaville now that you've found this. With this equipped, your sabre-toothed lime will be able to rub salt in your enemies' wounds, both figuratively and literally.
136TiresDegrassi KnollThese are some tires you got from a Gnollish Tirejuggler. They're too big to juggle, but maybe you could find some other use for them?
1114TisketThe UntinkerThis is a yellow tisket. You're not even a little bit sure what a tisket is.
605Tissue Paper Immateria (Once Only)The Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is a small sphere of the purified essense of tissue paper. It's very light.
596Titanium Assault UmbrellaWeaponThe Penultimate Fantasy AirshipThis is an extremely sharp, extremely heavy umbrella, which is obviously designed to be used as a weapon. You could poke people with the tip, I guess, or maybe open the umbrella in their faces to freak them out.
641ToastFoodCampgroundThis is a simple piece of toast. No cheese, no cinnamon, none of whatever might make it French, just toast.
225Tofu CasseroleFoodInventory - CookThis is a casserole made out of tofu. There are very few things out of which a more disgusting casserole can be made.
816Tofu Chow MeinFoodInventory - CookThis is a big bowl of everything that makes a hippy happy - vegetables, tofu, and noodles. All it's missing is a VW microbus and the reanimated corpse of Jerry Garcia.
811Tofu Stir-FryFoodInventory - CookThis is a stir-fry made with tofu. Oh, boy! Nothing improves a stir-fry like friggin' tofu!
246TomatoFoodMultiple, Format ComingThis is a tomato. If you're anything like me, you probably don't like tomatoes. If you're anything like Dan Quayle, you probably can't spell ?tomatoes.?
841Tomato DaiquiriBoozeBlown Up BartenderThis is a drink made out of rum and... tomatoes? Bleargh. Who in their right mind would ever mix those two things?
423Tomato SmoothieUsableInventory - CocktailThis is a smoothie, and it's made of tomatoes. That's why they call it a tomato smoothie. It'll make you smooth. As smooth as silk. Smoother, actually, but it has the curious side effect of making you exactly as Magical as you were Moxious before you drank it.
18Tortoise's BlessingInventory - Use Specific ItemThis is a blessing received form a giant sea tortoise. You're not quite sure what it's for.
1046Traffic Cone (Once Only)HatSt. Sneaky Pete's DayThis is a big cone of bright orange plastic. You have no recollection of how or where you got it, but it's like I always say -- it's not a good night unless you end up with a traffic cone!
543Trollhouse CookiesFoodThe Valley Beyond The Orc ChasmThese are similar to those cookies that are made by elves who live in a tree, except these are made by trolls who live in a septic tank.
58Turtle FactoryInventory - CombineThis is a big rock with a hole in it. From the hole in the rock, there pours an endless stream of tiny, angry snapping turtles.This is one of the weirdest things you've ever seen.
60TurtleslingerRanged WeaponInventory - CombineThis is a slingshot which fires an endless stream of tiny, angry snapping turtles.This weapon is as terrifying as it is impractical.
215Uncle Jick's Brownie MixThe Hippy CampThis is a box of Uncle Jick's Brownie Mix. Hippies sure seem to use a lot of this stuff.
175Uncooked ChorizoFoodFernswarthy's TowerThis is chorizo -- spicy ground pork. It's not cooked yet.
874Unrolling PinUsableThe Bugbear BakeryThis is an unrolling pin. This thing looks like it'd be perfect for turning mass quantities of flat dough into mass quantities of regular old wads of dough.
837Uovo Marcio Shiraz (Retired)BoozeUncle P's Antiques - Raffle Prize (Retired)This is a bottle of red, red wine, straight from the vineyards of Old Country. A lot of this stuff made its way into the Kingdom by way of Mob Penguin immigrants. Some people pronounce it shur-ahhs, and some people pronounce it shur-az. Still others pronounce it ?jasmine,? but I think we can all agree that those people are insane.
1026Valentine (Retired)The Demon MarketThis is a valentine. It'll allow you to send (in a normal message) one of several pictures and Valentine's day poems to your sweetheart. Or to somebody else. Who will then become your sweetheart. Or to somebody else who won't then become your sweetheart.
139Valuable TrinketThe Tropical Paradise Island GetawayThis is a poorly made little trinket, but since it comes from Distant Lands, it's pretty valuable here.
962Velvet ChokerFamiliar EquipmentThe Cake-Shaped ArenaThis is a black velvet choker for your feathery pink choker. Because, y'know, it strangles things. Got it? Well, don't give it to anybody else.
1023VesperBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a dry vodka martini. Shaken, not stirred.
409Vial Of Patchouli OilCombat ItemThe Hippy Camp (In Disguise)This is a vial of the nastiest-smelling substance known to man -- essential oil of patchouli. You might say it's the vilest vial of all the vile vials you've ever reviled. But if you said that, somebody would probably slap you for not being funny.
37Viking HelmetHatThe Outskirts Of Cobb's KnobYou've been viking again, haven't you? I can tell by your helmet.
760VinegarThe Spectral Pickle FactoryThis is a small bottle of vinegar, the stuff that runs through the veins of the dreaded vine gar.
673Vodka and CranberryBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made with vodka and cranberry juice. Rubbing alcohol and chalk -- two great tastes that taste great together!
1009Vodka MartiniBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is your basic vodka martini. Vodka and an olive.
527VolleyballUsableThe HermitageThis is an ordinary volleyball. It could be used to play a game of volleyball, I guess.
769Voodoo Doll (Unimplemented)AccessoryUnimplementedThis doll reminds you of a babe. What babe? The babe with the power. What power? Look, I'm getting sick of all these questions, okay? I'm not the one on trial here!
833Vorpal BladeWeaponThe Dungeons Of DoomOne two, one two, and through and through -- this is the kind of blade that you'd imagine would feel right at home going ?snicker-snack.?
623WAInventory - CombineThis is a wa. Wa wa wa.
159Wad Of DoughUsableMultiple, Format ComingThis is a wad of dough. It's hard to describe it in much more detail than that.
209Wad Of TofuThe Hippy CampThis is a wad of tofu. It would be like meat, if it were at all like meat.
285Walrus-Tusk EarringAccessoryThe Daily DungeonThis is an earring made out of the tusk of a walrus. It's very heavy, and would probably stretch your ear out if you tried to wear it.
626Wand Of NagamarInventory - CombineThis wand radiates powerful magic. It's long, thin, and adorned with a constantly shifting pattern of letters.
625WangInventory - CombineThis is a big Wang. Word processor. You'll find its spellcheck to be useful when chatting with the other citizens of Loathing.
891Warehouse 23 Bling (Jick)AccessoryJickThis shining golden amulet was presented to the members of Warehouse 23 by the chairman of the Kingdom of Loathing chapter of the Illuminati. Which doesn't really exist. Seriously. Stop looking.
749Warm MushroomUnknownDoesn't Exist, Not AcquirableN/A
621Warm Subject Gift CertificateUsableThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyIn the dark and torpid miasma. White as bone and red as plasma. Black as the rain that soaks my soul. Consumer lust fills the gaping hole. Yup. This is a gift certificate to Loathing's most popular store for trendy depressed people: Warm Subject. Rubber bondage pants for everybody!
1027Whip KitThe MeatsmithIf you want to make a whip, you must whip kit. Which is to say you must purchase a whip kit. And be a properly trained Seal Clubber. Not as simple as you imagined, eh?
557Whiskey and ColaBoozeInventory - CocktailThere are some who refer to this drink as a Whiscola, but we're not going to count ourselves in that number.
1010Whiskey and SodaBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made with whiskey and soda water. The soda water adds delicious fizz to the already delicious whiskey, resulting in a sparkling booze sensation! Er, at least that's what the commercials say.
674Whiskey SourBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a drink made with whiskey and lemon juice. Think about how sour it is. Now think about how whiskey it is. Now think about how sour it is.
331White CanadianBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a delicious drink made of vodka and goat's milk.
261White Castle BurgerFoodWhitey's GroveThis is a tiny White Castle hamburger. It looks greasy and delicious.
260White Castle FriesFoodWhitey's GroveWhite Castle fries only come in one size.
958White Chocolate and Tomato PizzaFoodBlown Up ChefThese are cookies made with delicious white chocolate chips. Just thinking about these makes your mouth water.
264White Chocolate Chip CookiesFoodInventory - CookThis is a handful of white chocolate chips. These are so much better than regular chocolate chips that words cannot even describe them.
263White Chocolate ChipsFoodWhitey's GroveThis is a jar of moonshine. It smells like hillbillies and turpentine.
266White LightningBoozeWhitey's GroveThis is a white picket fence. This would look just perfect at your campsite.
270White Picket FenceUsableWhitey's GroveThis strange object appears to be a white dot, which could not, no matter how hard you tried, be separated into any smaller pieces. Curious.
459White PixelMultiple, Format ComingPants of white satin, never reaching the end. Oh, how you love them.
265White Satin PantsPantsWhitey's GroveThis is a white sword. It's like an ordinary sword, only white. Ordinary swords are not white.
269White SwordWeaponWhitey's GroveThis is the skin from a whitesnake. Rock on.
259Whitesnake SkinWhitey's GroveThis is a set of metal windchimes.
212WindchimesUsableThe Hippy CampThis is a set of metal windchimes.
1015Wine SpritzerBoozeInventory - CocktailThis is a wine spritzer. Wine spritzer!? I hardly know her!
909Wint-O-Fresh MintUsableHalloweenThis is a small breath mint. It's shaped like one of those round things they have on boats. Y'know, those... things. What do you call those things? Eh, it doesn't matter.
633Wolf MaskHatThe Castle In The Clouds In The SkyWhen you put this mask on, you feel as if you've finally discovered the real you, the you that no one else can see. You are a wolf, deep inside. Well, actually you're not.
46Wooden FigurineThe HermitageThis is a like a wooden figure, only smaller.
71Wooden StakesWeaponThe Spooky ForestThese are some wooden stakes. They could probably be used for slaying a number of vampires. Or perhaps for other things.
44Worthless GewgawMultiple, Format ComingYou're not quite sure what this is, but you're sure it has no value.
45Worthless Knick-KnackMultiple, Format ComingYou're not quite sure what this is, but you're sure it has no value.
43Worthless TrinketMultiple, Format ComingYou're not quite sure what this is, but you're sure it has no value.
645Wrapping Paper (Retired)Crimbo 2003This is a torn up sheet of wrapping paper. It has Crimbo patterns on it. Which is sort of like a cross between Houndstooth and Gingham. And Plaid.
421Wrath SerumUsableInventory - CookThis serum will make you wrathful. Drink it. Become vengeance, man. Become wrath.
469Wussiness PotionCombat/Usable ItemMultiple, Format ComingThis is a potion which will make you feel weaker. In case you ever need to feel weaker, for some reason.
1002Xlyinia's Notebook (Jick)AccessoryJickThis is the notebook Xlyinia uses to keep track of everything that happens in the Kingdom. Seriously. Everything.
394Yak SkinT3h L33t Tr4pz0rThis is the skin of a yak. It's thick and hairy.
1036Yak Skin BucklerAccessoryInventory - SmithThis is a fuzzy buckler made of yak skin. You could get out of many a sticky wicket with this fuzzy buckler, eh wot, guv?
1031Yak WhipWeaponInventory - SmithThis is not a delicious nondairy dessert topping made of yak, but a whip made of yak skin. It's specially designed to leave painful welts on whatever you hit it with. Whatever with which you hit it. Hey, y'know what happens to the grammar police, 'round these parts? They get hit with this whip.
397Yakskin PantsPantsInventory - SmithThese are some really thick, really hairy pants. Other than being thick and hairy, they're pretty unremarkable.
457Ye Olde Golde FrontesAccessoryThe Shadowy StoreThese make your teeth really shiny, and intimidate your opponents.
1078Yellow Paisley Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg painted with a yellow paisley pattern. One time this guy named Lee asked this other guy why he always bet on yellow when playing roulette. ?It's simple. Yellow pays, Lee.? Then Lee beat the guy remorselessly for having made such a terrible, terrible joke.
1079Yellow Plastic Oyster EggCombat ItemOyster DayThis is a yellow plastic imitation oyster egg. It shines like a tiny sun, which is odd, because the sun shines like a red rubber ball, and this thing is neither red nor rubber.
1077Yellow Polka-Dot Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with yellow polka dots. You might describe it as an itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka dot hard-boiled oyster egg. If you do, though, I totally don't have your back.
1076Yellow Striped Oyster EggUsableOyster DayThis is a hard-boiled oyster egg, painted with yellow stripes. It reminds you of your cowardly nephew. Yup. That kid has a yellow stripe a mile wide.
388Yeti FurThe Icy PeakThis is the fur from a yeti. It's dirty, and it smells like rotting yeti meat, but it's otherwise unremarkable.
775Yeti Protest Sign (Retired)UsableThe Icy PeakThis is a sign with ?Save The Yetis? written on it in big letters.
905Yummy Tummy BeanUsableHalloweenThis is a jelly bean. You're not sure what it's going to taste like, because Yummy Tummy jelly beans are renowned for their nearly infinite variety of flavors.
Total1199

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